(no subject)
im stuck in this rut and nothing is ever going to get any better.
i hurt the one person who cared about me the most.
i dont deserve anything.
i dont deserve the little friends that i do have.
i really just want to get out of livonia.
just go for a long long drive without looking back.
I did what i had to do the other day. i just had to. and i want to again now.
its almost like im living some kind of dream. shit gets better and worse at the same time and all i want to do is to wake up and for everything to be over. i want me to be over. if i could disappear then that would fix everything. danny coulnt hate me, he would just miss me. and all the other stupid shit i fucked up in my life would just go away.
I don’t want to start thinking again. Not like I have this last week. I can’t think again. Not ever again.
I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That’s why I’m trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning.
i hurt the one person who cared about me the most.
i dont deserve anything.
i dont deserve the little friends that i do have.
i really just want to get out of livonia.
just go for a long long drive without looking back.
I did what i had to do the other day. i just had to. and i want to again now.
its almost like im living some kind of dream. shit gets better and worse at the same time and all i want to do is to wake up and for everything to be over. i want me to be over. if i could disappear then that would fix everything. danny coulnt hate me, he would just miss me. and all the other stupid shit i fucked up in my life would just go away.
I don’t want to start thinking again. Not like I have this last week. I can’t think again. Not ever again.
I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That’s why I’m trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning.