Thoughts
I've had much to think about the past week or so, so I feel the need to do some journaling.
Topic one: College. I have officially been accepted into the University of Portland, a backup school. I did a priority admission thing that gave me a response within two weeks, so that was nice. The letter was quite underwhelming, though. Just a quick little "You're in! Bye!" I thought I was supposed to get the thick letter or something? Anyway, just a few days ago I got another letter saying I had qualified for a $56,000 scholarship, to be split evenly the next four years; it basically amounts to half of my total tuition. So that's nice, I've got something at least. The schools I really care about, Marquette and Xavier, I won't get responses for until Jan. 15th-ish. So still more waiting games to play. *sigh*
I'm getting concerned about my grades, though. I really need to keep all A's second quarter, just so I can keep my 3.9 GPA for scholarship applications I'll be completing late winter/early spring. But AP Chem I just had a test I didn't flat out bomb, but probably won't scrape more than a B for, and AP English is equally iffy. Thank heavens Euro is a cakewalk (100%, hooray!). I know we can afford Marquette no matter, but I really want to lighten the financial load as much as possible for my parents, and so I'm hoping for many merit scholarships (granted, this first requires I get in...).
Additionally, I'm getting increasingly worried for Jenna. She applied for Columbia in November and is due to get her response Dec. 15. I desperately, desperately want her to get this--not because she's earned it, because she hasn't, but because she wants it with every fiber of her being and if she got in, she might finally work hard for once in her life. Ordinarily I don't like the idea of people getting these kinds of opportunities if they haven't worked for them (I've worked hard for that 3.9, I'll be darned if I don't deserve better opportunities than lazy 3.5ers), but Jenna is different. I really think Columbia would help her put her life on track, help her set real goals for herself and find a true purpose. But I just don't know if she can get in--she's the typical brilliant-but-lazy, and surely those must me a dime a dozen among Columbia applications. I just don't know if her other qualities were enough.
(Sidetrack: Final Jeopardy--MARVIN GAYE!)
(Yes! Tori wins again.)
But if she doesn't get it...she'll be crushed. Her high school hopes and dreams dashed. Sure, she can get into Fordham or Seattle U or something, but she doesn't want those as bad. I want her to get this, because she needs it.
Topic Two: Cossette/Debate We definitely had a scare today. There is a tournament at Mead this weekend; I've opted not to go but Jenna and many others are. At the very end of lunch, Jenna gets a phone call from Ben Hobson, a judge/tournament official/friend o'Jenna. He asks her something to the effect of, "So do yo know exactly why you guys have been dropped from the tournament?" Jenna stands there with mouth open, because we have no idea why our team might have been kicked out of the tournament. She talks more with Ben and is told that Cossette went to the hospital or something like that, and we can't come to the tournament because we don't have a coach. We are way shocked and confused so we hang up, and dart over to Cossette's room for 5th period (thank heavens Pearson is our 5th, so he didn't mind).
Cossette wasn't there, the debaters are, we hear rumors of "chest pains" and "seizure". Immediately after getting to his room, an announcement is made telling us to come to the office. We meet en masse, and Fr. Connell basically runs downn logistics of getting people to and from the tournament, because Cossette is normally our driver and supervisor, and now he has to pull a lot of strings and bend over backwards to cover for him. We didn't learn anything new about Cossette beyond that he's supposed to be okay, could be back on Saturday.
Jenna went to the tournament and we've been in touch. She called me a few hours ago saying people had said Cossette had come to the tournament, although Jenna had not seen him herself. Sam has also told me that Cossette called Mr. Carroll and seemed okay, and that hopefully it wasn't anything major at all--whatever "it" is, I still don't really know.
I am worried if it was anything related to a heart attack though; I know after things like that you're told to avoid excessive stress and things like that, and there's really no more stressful job than being a high school debate coach. Long hours, wrangling freshmen, all the ingredients for a massive headache. I might swing by the tournament tomorrow just to see him; we'll see if anything will need to be done to lighten Cossette's load.
But the most important thing is, he seems to be okay now, and the incident can't have been too serious, because I think he drove himself to the hospital. We'll keep him in our prayers, and hopefully everything turns out okay.
Topic Three: Mother. A few weeks ago, mom spent two weeks in El Salvador for a work mission trip-type thing. I figured she'd come back very humbled, and that has definitely happened. But now I think the whole family is confused how to deal with it, and I'm afraid of the problems it may cause.
Basically, everything has happened that you think would--she's very sympathetic to the plight of the poor, very anti-materialistic, and even somewhat sympathetic to socialism. I'm certainly not saying any of this is bad, but I will admit, it's very counter to the rest of the family and even her former self (for heaven's sake, up till now she's been a proud Republican).
So we don't know how to react. Katie, of course, is quite materialistic and so I don't think she's thrilled with the preaching our the proposal of donating money that would buy us presents to a scholarship fund for some Salvadoran children. Dad, I think, probably just isn't interested one way or the other--like, he has nothing against the poor or charity, but I don't think he wants to keep hearing about how bad mom feels or just how crushing the poverty was. Which to some heartless and cold degree I understand--yes, I get it, they're poor and live in shacks and have seen horrible acts done by their government.
And me, I'm way conflicted. Part of me is no. I get one Christmas, and you know what? I'd like some new shirts. I haven't had any in a while. And I do need a new pair of jeans or two, mine are aged and too short, or fit poorly. And screw it, I want Guitar Hero. I want a fun video game, because I haven't really played one in a few years.
And the other part of me is yes. I understand. Somebody has to care, and why shouldn't we set an example? My desire for new jeans is nothing next to a Salvadoran youth's desire to just get to go to school, to maybe have a chance to lift themselves from the weight of poverty. How selfish can you get?
So I don't know what to do about it. I don't know what to feel or what to think. Is it wrong to want some new things, some gifts? Is it right to sacrifice for a cause I know is noble, although I haven't personally experienced the life-changing events my mother has? I can't sort it out. I don't want to stop her, because she wants to talk, and I think talking will help her sort out her feelings more efficiently. But I'd be lying if I said it wasn't getting a little repetitive. And I know I'm a horrible person for saying I'm bored by the plight of the poorest of the poor. I don't have any answers right now.
Topic Four: The Military. So just a few days ago, a friend of ours, Ryan, joined the Marines. Got sworn in, signed the papers, everything. And it's really been very distressing to Jenna and I.
The situation is, Ryan is going for a special ROTC scholarship that basically pays for four years of school, then you fully enlist. However, this is a very competitive scholarship, with a limited number handed out in the country. Ryan enlisted in the Marines to give his application an edge, something a senior last year, Brian Entzminger, did (I wrote about Brian for a Vox article). Brian did get the scholarship last year, but I don't think Ryan has as strong a chance. He just not as smart (bless his heart) nor does he have as many activities as Brian did.
And if Ryan does not get the scholarship, he goes to boot camp in June. He could be in freaking Iraq late next year. And that scares Jenna and I to death. It's not like he's unaware of this risk--he does really want to be a Marine, so I think he'll go along with whatever. But he could die. I mean, I know this is a very negative way of looking at the situation, but it really is scary to think about.
Isaiah and Peter, both planning on entering the military, don't seem to understand why Jenna and I are alarmed at Ryan, but not for either of them. But the difference is, Isaiah and Peter are hoping to go the Air Force Academy and West Point, respectively. And both have very good chances of getting in; they're very smart. So they'll get their four years of college and enter the military with relatively high-ranking positions. Not to mention, they're smart enough not to get themselves killed. But Jenna and I don't know that Ryan is, and that scares us to death.
those are my thoughts.
Topic one: College. I have officially been accepted into the University of Portland, a backup school. I did a priority admission thing that gave me a response within two weeks, so that was nice. The letter was quite underwhelming, though. Just a quick little "You're in! Bye!" I thought I was supposed to get the thick letter or something? Anyway, just a few days ago I got another letter saying I had qualified for a $56,000 scholarship, to be split evenly the next four years; it basically amounts to half of my total tuition. So that's nice, I've got something at least. The schools I really care about, Marquette and Xavier, I won't get responses for until Jan. 15th-ish. So still more waiting games to play. *sigh*
I'm getting concerned about my grades, though. I really need to keep all A's second quarter, just so I can keep my 3.9 GPA for scholarship applications I'll be completing late winter/early spring. But AP Chem I just had a test I didn't flat out bomb, but probably won't scrape more than a B for, and AP English is equally iffy. Thank heavens Euro is a cakewalk (100%, hooray!). I know we can afford Marquette no matter, but I really want to lighten the financial load as much as possible for my parents, and so I'm hoping for many merit scholarships (granted, this first requires I get in...).
Additionally, I'm getting increasingly worried for Jenna. She applied for Columbia in November and is due to get her response Dec. 15. I desperately, desperately want her to get this--not because she's earned it, because she hasn't, but because she wants it with every fiber of her being and if she got in, she might finally work hard for once in her life. Ordinarily I don't like the idea of people getting these kinds of opportunities if they haven't worked for them (I've worked hard for that 3.9, I'll be darned if I don't deserve better opportunities than lazy 3.5ers), but Jenna is different. I really think Columbia would help her put her life on track, help her set real goals for herself and find a true purpose. But I just don't know if she can get in--she's the typical brilliant-but-lazy, and surely those must me a dime a dozen among Columbia applications. I just don't know if her other qualities were enough.
(Sidetrack: Final Jeopardy--MARVIN GAYE!)
(Yes! Tori wins again.)
But if she doesn't get it...she'll be crushed. Her high school hopes and dreams dashed. Sure, she can get into Fordham or Seattle U or something, but she doesn't want those as bad. I want her to get this, because she needs it.
Topic Two: Cossette/Debate We definitely had a scare today. There is a tournament at Mead this weekend; I've opted not to go but Jenna and many others are. At the very end of lunch, Jenna gets a phone call from Ben Hobson, a judge/tournament official/friend o'Jenna. He asks her something to the effect of, "So do yo know exactly why you guys have been dropped from the tournament?" Jenna stands there with mouth open, because we have no idea why our team might have been kicked out of the tournament. She talks more with Ben and is told that Cossette went to the hospital or something like that, and we can't come to the tournament because we don't have a coach. We are way shocked and confused so we hang up, and dart over to Cossette's room for 5th period (thank heavens Pearson is our 5th, so he didn't mind).
Cossette wasn't there, the debaters are, we hear rumors of "chest pains" and "seizure". Immediately after getting to his room, an announcement is made telling us to come to the office. We meet en masse, and Fr. Connell basically runs downn logistics of getting people to and from the tournament, because Cossette is normally our driver and supervisor, and now he has to pull a lot of strings and bend over backwards to cover for him. We didn't learn anything new about Cossette beyond that he's supposed to be okay, could be back on Saturday.
Jenna went to the tournament and we've been in touch. She called me a few hours ago saying people had said Cossette had come to the tournament, although Jenna had not seen him herself. Sam has also told me that Cossette called Mr. Carroll and seemed okay, and that hopefully it wasn't anything major at all--whatever "it" is, I still don't really know.
I am worried if it was anything related to a heart attack though; I know after things like that you're told to avoid excessive stress and things like that, and there's really no more stressful job than being a high school debate coach. Long hours, wrangling freshmen, all the ingredients for a massive headache. I might swing by the tournament tomorrow just to see him; we'll see if anything will need to be done to lighten Cossette's load.
But the most important thing is, he seems to be okay now, and the incident can't have been too serious, because I think he drove himself to the hospital. We'll keep him in our prayers, and hopefully everything turns out okay.
Topic Three: Mother. A few weeks ago, mom spent two weeks in El Salvador for a work mission trip-type thing. I figured she'd come back very humbled, and that has definitely happened. But now I think the whole family is confused how to deal with it, and I'm afraid of the problems it may cause.
Basically, everything has happened that you think would--she's very sympathetic to the plight of the poor, very anti-materialistic, and even somewhat sympathetic to socialism. I'm certainly not saying any of this is bad, but I will admit, it's very counter to the rest of the family and even her former self (for heaven's sake, up till now she's been a proud Republican).
So we don't know how to react. Katie, of course, is quite materialistic and so I don't think she's thrilled with the preaching our the proposal of donating money that would buy us presents to a scholarship fund for some Salvadoran children. Dad, I think, probably just isn't interested one way or the other--like, he has nothing against the poor or charity, but I don't think he wants to keep hearing about how bad mom feels or just how crushing the poverty was. Which to some heartless and cold degree I understand--yes, I get it, they're poor and live in shacks and have seen horrible acts done by their government.
And me, I'm way conflicted. Part of me is no. I get one Christmas, and you know what? I'd like some new shirts. I haven't had any in a while. And I do need a new pair of jeans or two, mine are aged and too short, or fit poorly. And screw it, I want Guitar Hero. I want a fun video game, because I haven't really played one in a few years.
And the other part of me is yes. I understand. Somebody has to care, and why shouldn't we set an example? My desire for new jeans is nothing next to a Salvadoran youth's desire to just get to go to school, to maybe have a chance to lift themselves from the weight of poverty. How selfish can you get?
So I don't know what to do about it. I don't know what to feel or what to think. Is it wrong to want some new things, some gifts? Is it right to sacrifice for a cause I know is noble, although I haven't personally experienced the life-changing events my mother has? I can't sort it out. I don't want to stop her, because she wants to talk, and I think talking will help her sort out her feelings more efficiently. But I'd be lying if I said it wasn't getting a little repetitive. And I know I'm a horrible person for saying I'm bored by the plight of the poorest of the poor. I don't have any answers right now.
Topic Four: The Military. So just a few days ago, a friend of ours, Ryan, joined the Marines. Got sworn in, signed the papers, everything. And it's really been very distressing to Jenna and I.
The situation is, Ryan is going for a special ROTC scholarship that basically pays for four years of school, then you fully enlist. However, this is a very competitive scholarship, with a limited number handed out in the country. Ryan enlisted in the Marines to give his application an edge, something a senior last year, Brian Entzminger, did (I wrote about Brian for a Vox article). Brian did get the scholarship last year, but I don't think Ryan has as strong a chance. He just not as smart (bless his heart) nor does he have as many activities as Brian did.
And if Ryan does not get the scholarship, he goes to boot camp in June. He could be in freaking Iraq late next year. And that scares Jenna and I to death. It's not like he's unaware of this risk--he does really want to be a Marine, so I think he'll go along with whatever. But he could die. I mean, I know this is a very negative way of looking at the situation, but it really is scary to think about.
Isaiah and Peter, both planning on entering the military, don't seem to understand why Jenna and I are alarmed at Ryan, but not for either of them. But the difference is, Isaiah and Peter are hoping to go the Air Force Academy and West Point, respectively. And both have very good chances of getting in; they're very smart. So they'll get their four years of college and enter the military with relatively high-ranking positions. Not to mention, they're smart enough not to get themselves killed. But Jenna and I don't know that Ryan is, and that scares us to death.
those are my thoughts.