industrial revolution.
I no longer feel like an actual human being anymore.
I'm a robot now, mechanical, all grinding gears and laser focus. No time to lag or freeze, always moving and changing positions to fulfill a requirement.
From 6:00 to 11:00, time is divided neatly into snippets of stress, education, and work. Out of bed, walk to the bathroom, clean yourself, for god's sake try and look nice, run to the bus stop, drown in sound, thrown to the sidewalk and into the building, down a floor, locker stop, 10 minutes of precise conversation, hurry at the bell, sitnotessilencewrithingmindandsettledbody and again, next, again, continue, again, again, again. Rip out your paper and click the pencil, fly open binders, cram the scrawled language into your brain for the ten minutes that this piece of paper will need to be filled.
On your feet for the rest of the day, lead a meeting or crawl back home, hide away and finish the rest, collapse in bed with aching face, wake up again for deja vu, everyday everyday e.v.e.r.y.d.a.y.
Emotion is contained expressionless, only really appearing once or twice a week, perhaps. Today in the car on the way home, work problems, I let myself break for 10 minutes, only ten, and it never finds its way out except in heaving breathless gasping which doesn't count as anything, but time to save face, lock and key back up, shield the brain again, dust it off, ready for another fistful of words that don't really mean anything to me.
I just need a little time.
I'm a robot now, mechanical, all grinding gears and laser focus. No time to lag or freeze, always moving and changing positions to fulfill a requirement.
From 6:00 to 11:00, time is divided neatly into snippets of stress, education, and work. Out of bed, walk to the bathroom, clean yourself, for god's sake try and look nice, run to the bus stop, drown in sound, thrown to the sidewalk and into the building, down a floor, locker stop, 10 minutes of precise conversation, hurry at the bell, sitnotessilencewrithingmindandsettledbody and again, next, again, continue, again, again, again. Rip out your paper and click the pencil, fly open binders, cram the scrawled language into your brain for the ten minutes that this piece of paper will need to be filled.
On your feet for the rest of the day, lead a meeting or crawl back home, hide away and finish the rest, collapse in bed with aching face, wake up again for deja vu, everyday everyday e.v.e.r.y.d.a.y.
Emotion is contained expressionless, only really appearing once or twice a week, perhaps. Today in the car on the way home, work problems, I let myself break for 10 minutes, only ten, and it never finds its way out except in heaving breathless gasping which doesn't count as anything, but time to save face, lock and key back up, shield the brain again, dust it off, ready for another fistful of words that don't really mean anything to me.
I just need a little time.