The Sorrow of Departure
I didn't think that I'd say this but I am.
This weekend I have to take my kids back to Tennessee, back to their mother, away from our house. Just writing that sentance makes tears well up in my eyes. I don't know how to handle it. I'm trying to cope with the thought of a quiet house. I'm trying to cope with the thought of coming home and not seeing my kids at the front door. * momentary break to cry a bit* My heart feels broken they might as well be my own children. They are my own children. I could go without ever having a baby of my own and be very proud and happy.
I was so excited last night, I taught Alexander ( my two year old ) to say the word cheeta. There is so much that he has learned over the last few months. How in the world can I deal with my little men. They are such a big part of my life. My Husband and my kids, are my world. I feel so desperate. I'd love to just run away somewhere where she wouldn't try and get them back. I wish.
On other fronts, I went to have my abodominal ultrasound the other day. It went ok, I don't have the results back for that. But they did find some 6mm cysts. I don't know if those are big are not, I wish I knew more. They think that I might possibly have endromisosis(sp?) That would explain a whole lot. They are also going to do a complete abdominal CT scan. We'll see what comes of that.
If any of you are praying people please pray that Kevin and I can get my medical stuff worked out and that we can get ourselves down to TN to be with our kids.
This weekend I have to take my kids back to Tennessee, back to their mother, away from our house. Just writing that sentance makes tears well up in my eyes. I don't know how to handle it. I'm trying to cope with the thought of a quiet house. I'm trying to cope with the thought of coming home and not seeing my kids at the front door. * momentary break to cry a bit* My heart feels broken they might as well be my own children. They are my own children. I could go without ever having a baby of my own and be very proud and happy.
I was so excited last night, I taught Alexander ( my two year old ) to say the word cheeta. There is so much that he has learned over the last few months. How in the world can I deal with my little men. They are such a big part of my life. My Husband and my kids, are my world. I feel so desperate. I'd love to just run away somewhere where she wouldn't try and get them back. I wish.
On other fronts, I went to have my abodominal ultrasound the other day. It went ok, I don't have the results back for that. But they did find some 6mm cysts. I don't know if those are big are not, I wish I knew more. They think that I might possibly have endromisosis(sp?) That would explain a whole lot. They are also going to do a complete abdominal CT scan. We'll see what comes of that.
If any of you are praying people please pray that Kevin and I can get my medical stuff worked out and that we can get ourselves down to TN to be with our kids.