Pinned the Tail on the Donkey
Well, it took a few days, but I was able to finally pinpoint what's been up. I got all anxious when I found out I got the job. I knew that the only times I could actually work were evenings and evenings for me as of late = time with Don. I got scurred that being away from him so much might disconnect us from each other. The first day I actually worked for real (last Sunday) was rough. I liked the work I had to do, but when I got home I just wanted to talk to him. I got kind of sad when he was all busy hanging out with his friends only because I'm really into the stuff he's in to and knowing that they were playing a new game made me a little jelly. I wanted to be part of it! See, the thing is... Dom's friends have become part of my life, too. I don't really hang out with my friends because they've got other stuff going on... for example Patrick. He's with Reggie and Reg's friends all the time... Pat pretty much relies on them as his own friends. He definitely choose them over Jay-R and me which I understand... because that's how I feel about Don's friends.
Anyways... it was also rough that night because I was so exhausted and he was making me wait for him because he was finishing up a game. I finally decided to text him that I was going to sleep and as soon as I pressed send, he called. But now that I'm playing the game he was playing that night, I completely understand! hahaha
And then on Monday, I just missed him so much and had worked a 12-hour shift... I guess I just wanted to have some time with him while we were at Syd's bday thing. But I shouldn't have expected that because we were there for Syd. I guess I was just hoping he'd have pushed to have me play the first round. But it's all good.
I was scared that time away from each other would disconnect us. I won't lie... him not feeling love for me definitely plays a part in it, too. I've been insecure about my worth to him since he took back the "I love you". I'm scared that I don't mean as much to him as I used to... or scared that he doesn't still consider me his #1.
I think I was sooooo worried that we'd start to disconnect that I subconsciously disconnected from him. I'm glad that I was finally able to see that. Tuesday night was really hard for me. I was just crying up a storm. I just needed to get myself out of that funk. He received me really well, too. He understood where I was coming from and that meant a lot to me. It was good to allow myself to be happy again.
I'm my own worst enemy. I somehow always try to stop myself from being happy. Thank God He's there to hear my prayers and save me from my negative thoughts. Praying helps all the time. It may not be quick, but when things happen... they really HAPPEN.
Anyways... it was also rough that night because I was so exhausted and he was making me wait for him because he was finishing up a game. I finally decided to text him that I was going to sleep and as soon as I pressed send, he called. But now that I'm playing the game he was playing that night, I completely understand! hahaha
And then on Monday, I just missed him so much and had worked a 12-hour shift... I guess I just wanted to have some time with him while we were at Syd's bday thing. But I shouldn't have expected that because we were there for Syd. I guess I was just hoping he'd have pushed to have me play the first round. But it's all good.
I was scared that time away from each other would disconnect us. I won't lie... him not feeling love for me definitely plays a part in it, too. I've been insecure about my worth to him since he took back the "I love you". I'm scared that I don't mean as much to him as I used to... or scared that he doesn't still consider me his #1.
I think I was sooooo worried that we'd start to disconnect that I subconsciously disconnected from him. I'm glad that I was finally able to see that. Tuesday night was really hard for me. I was just crying up a storm. I just needed to get myself out of that funk. He received me really well, too. He understood where I was coming from and that meant a lot to me. It was good to allow myself to be happy again.
I'm my own worst enemy. I somehow always try to stop myself from being happy. Thank God He's there to hear my prayers and save me from my negative thoughts. Praying helps all the time. It may not be quick, but when things happen... they really HAPPEN.