Day 4
Not completely in vain! I went on the scale yesterday and weighed in at 129.2!!! I haven't been under 130 in a few years now! WOOOOO!! Anyways, there are times I am hungry and I starve myself, it's pretty bad.
Watched New Moon before bed last night. Was kind of expecting to cry, but no tears. And of course it ends all happy in the end ughhh... then I went to bed and cried then. I just miss him. I was talking to one of my friends and he's like, "Do you just miss having someone around?" And I was like, no I miss Dom. I don't want or need anyone else. Just Dom. I just hope one of these days our paths will cross again. Possibly through a dating website? haha fat chance. That's the last thing he'd sign up for. But anyways... I signed up to match.com the day after he broke up with me. Maybe it was Saturday? Either way, I did it but it's stupid.
The preferences I'm seeking would be equal to that of Dom. Ugh lame. Let's just see if there is someone out there who watches The Office, Glee, Modern Family, HIMYM, Entourage, likes to go salsa dancing, likes to watch basketball games, plays volleyball and pool and goes on walks/hikes that is between 5'6" and 5'8". There was a part where they ask "what do you look at first" "what hairstyle is more preferred", etc. As I've said, I pretty much tried to look for anything that resembled Dom. I notice arms first (not too big, that's what she said!), the face shape I notice first is somewhat narrow like Dom's head. They didn't have a hair shape comparable to Dom's so I skipped it. For my headliner, I wrote, "What's the plan, Phil?!" hahahaha no one's going to get it. Only he would =/
Woke up this morning at 6-something and couldn't fall back asleep so I checked my email through my phone like always. Whenever I see an hour massage deal, I make sure to check those out. I saw one for 30$, too bad it's all the way in Ypsilanti. Not worth it. Ugh, just another thing that reminds me of Dom. How am I supposed to go through life without my best bud? That's the hardest part... we got along and enjoyed many MANY of the same things. I almost wanted to call Reju to ask him if he wanted to play AOM, but how awkward would that be. Last thing I'd want is for Dom to find out I hang out with his friends because I don't have any.
I went back on facebook the morning after he broke up with me. It was at 6 in the morning. I had to change my relationship status and I figured it was early enough no one would notice. Unfortunately some people did and they commented/texted/called. It wasn't really anyone who I wouldn't mind getting a hold of me. I can't believe how people are, though. They forget you're alive if you're not on fb. So I deactivated it again. I felt bad, especially when our mutual friends found out and texted me. I didn't mean to make it a public thing, I just don't know how to not show the relationship status! Stupid fb. Either way, I'm off it. It's whatever.
I had a big urge to email him today. I have at least one draft so far made out to him. I'm kind of on a mission. I have this secret plan... this project that I'm working on. It's completely pathetic, but it's hopeful. Yesterday, I woke up with all this hope for whatever reason. I just don't feel like I've lost him completely yet. I'll be like Jacob, "I'll fight for you until your heart stops beating". Cliche, but it's the only thing that's stopping me from crying, from walking off the edge. This hope, though... It's kind of a scary thing. The day I find out there is no more chance and I have to let go of hope... that will be even more painful than the initial breakup. I'm quite wreckless with my heart sheesh!
I just hope these efforts don't go to waste. I hope one day he'll realize how much he means to me and how much I'd give to make up for what was lost. How often can a person have someone do this to prove they're worthy?
I keep thinking back to the last day I saw him. I wish I didn't ask if something was wrong. I wish I made the therapy appointment when I thought about it after I showered before I met up with him. I wish instead of asking him if something was wrong, I wish I brought up going to therapy again. Maybe he would have waited a bit longer to see if that would help me become a happier person. I wish I didn't waste that last day being mad at him. I didn't even care if he talked to his friend or not, I just didn't want to have him lie about it. I wish I just held him in my arms after dinner. I was going to, but I just knew he lied to me and that was strike 3. He had a choice and he chose to lie to me because in his head he ended it before he went to walk me to my car. I just wished I spent the last 20 minutes cuddling up with him to watch the X-men cartoon episode. When he was breaking up with me, he'd interchange between calling me Nikki and calling me babe. When he called me babe, my heart beat a little faster... thinking maybe there's hope. Talk about not knowing what you've got until it's gone. SHEESH!
I keep replaying that whole day in my head. I keep thinking of the things I could have done differently to give him hope of a better tomorrow... or even just to delay the break up if even for just one more day to spend with him.
Time for sex and the city movie... wooo more emo chicks! I just hate that these movies end all happy and shizzz... foreals how often does that happen in real life?
Watched New Moon before bed last night. Was kind of expecting to cry, but no tears. And of course it ends all happy in the end ughhh... then I went to bed and cried then. I just miss him. I was talking to one of my friends and he's like, "Do you just miss having someone around?" And I was like, no I miss Dom. I don't want or need anyone else. Just Dom. I just hope one of these days our paths will cross again. Possibly through a dating website? haha fat chance. That's the last thing he'd sign up for. But anyways... I signed up to match.com the day after he broke up with me. Maybe it was Saturday? Either way, I did it but it's stupid.
The preferences I'm seeking would be equal to that of Dom. Ugh lame. Let's just see if there is someone out there who watches The Office, Glee, Modern Family, HIMYM, Entourage, likes to go salsa dancing, likes to watch basketball games, plays volleyball and pool and goes on walks/hikes that is between 5'6" and 5'8". There was a part where they ask "what do you look at first" "what hairstyle is more preferred", etc. As I've said, I pretty much tried to look for anything that resembled Dom. I notice arms first (not too big, that's what she said!), the face shape I notice first is somewhat narrow like Dom's head. They didn't have a hair shape comparable to Dom's so I skipped it. For my headliner, I wrote, "What's the plan, Phil?!" hahahaha no one's going to get it. Only he would =/
Woke up this morning at 6-something and couldn't fall back asleep so I checked my email through my phone like always. Whenever I see an hour massage deal, I make sure to check those out. I saw one for 30$, too bad it's all the way in Ypsilanti. Not worth it. Ugh, just another thing that reminds me of Dom. How am I supposed to go through life without my best bud? That's the hardest part... we got along and enjoyed many MANY of the same things. I almost wanted to call Reju to ask him if he wanted to play AOM, but how awkward would that be. Last thing I'd want is for Dom to find out I hang out with his friends because I don't have any.
I went back on facebook the morning after he broke up with me. It was at 6 in the morning. I had to change my relationship status and I figured it was early enough no one would notice. Unfortunately some people did and they commented/texted/called. It wasn't really anyone who I wouldn't mind getting a hold of me. I can't believe how people are, though. They forget you're alive if you're not on fb. So I deactivated it again. I felt bad, especially when our mutual friends found out and texted me. I didn't mean to make it a public thing, I just don't know how to not show the relationship status! Stupid fb. Either way, I'm off it. It's whatever.
I had a big urge to email him today. I have at least one draft so far made out to him. I'm kind of on a mission. I have this secret plan... this project that I'm working on. It's completely pathetic, but it's hopeful. Yesterday, I woke up with all this hope for whatever reason. I just don't feel like I've lost him completely yet. I'll be like Jacob, "I'll fight for you until your heart stops beating". Cliche, but it's the only thing that's stopping me from crying, from walking off the edge. This hope, though... It's kind of a scary thing. The day I find out there is no more chance and I have to let go of hope... that will be even more painful than the initial breakup. I'm quite wreckless with my heart sheesh!
I just hope these efforts don't go to waste. I hope one day he'll realize how much he means to me and how much I'd give to make up for what was lost. How often can a person have someone do this to prove they're worthy?
I keep thinking back to the last day I saw him. I wish I didn't ask if something was wrong. I wish I made the therapy appointment when I thought about it after I showered before I met up with him. I wish instead of asking him if something was wrong, I wish I brought up going to therapy again. Maybe he would have waited a bit longer to see if that would help me become a happier person. I wish I didn't waste that last day being mad at him. I didn't even care if he talked to his friend or not, I just didn't want to have him lie about it. I wish I just held him in my arms after dinner. I was going to, but I just knew he lied to me and that was strike 3. He had a choice and he chose to lie to me because in his head he ended it before he went to walk me to my car. I just wished I spent the last 20 minutes cuddling up with him to watch the X-men cartoon episode. When he was breaking up with me, he'd interchange between calling me Nikki and calling me babe. When he called me babe, my heart beat a little faster... thinking maybe there's hope. Talk about not knowing what you've got until it's gone. SHEESH!
I keep replaying that whole day in my head. I keep thinking of the things I could have done differently to give him hope of a better tomorrow... or even just to delay the break up if even for just one more day to spend with him.
Time for sex and the city movie... wooo more emo chicks! I just hate that these movies end all happy and shizzz... foreals how often does that happen in real life?