The Real Stuff
Yesterday, I went with Uncle Abe to get his IV port placed in his chest so they can administer the chemo to his body. After meeting with the doctor and receiving the information about placement and such, I waited in the lobby while he got it done. When Uncle Abe came out, he started getting teary eyed. He also said, "I'm scared, Nik." It finally hit him... I think the placement of it just made it real. It made me all teary eyed. After that, we went to the Providence Heart Institute. It's so beautiful inside! He had to have a 2D echo done to get a baseline of his heart. He asked them if I could sit with him and they allowed it. I got to see his heart and the ventricles and atrium. It was so cool! I'm not sure if it was because of me or because of the dimmed lights, but he definitely seemed more relaxed.
Fast forward to this morning >>>>
I talked to dad and told him how yesterday went, then I went back to my study area and he started sobbing. His cry sounds kind of like a screaming banshee. But it definitely made me start crying, so I called mom who was outside checking out her plants and I told her dad's crying and he needs her. Then she started talking to him and she's like "Let's chit chat out here." and led him to the front porch where they have their tea parties and morning coffee. I'm glad she's talking to him, I feel like dad doesn't really get to let out his feelings to anyone. He also hasn't really talked to Auntie Beth, so he's just been keeping it to himself. I almost hate having to tell him things, but I know he needs to know so he can be a better brother and support to Uncle Abe.
Anyways, there it is. It's real. Uncle Abe has cancer. The doctor said it's one of the best cancers to have, though, because it is very, very treatable in its earlier stages. I just cannot wait for these classes to be over so I'm less stressed when I take care of him. Dad asked if I could clean his house every couple of weeks. I think it'd be good so Uncle Abe isn't alone all the time. My biggest fear is that he's going to get depressed and maybe suicidal. He already started saying, "What if I die, Nik?" Gahhhhhh how do you respond to something like that? All I could say was, "Not anytime soon, Uncle Abe." But what if I'm wrong?
Sometimes I wonder why God chose me to help take care of him. I'm too emotional to be strong enough for Uncle Abe. It's like a constant shattering of my heart. And I'm so impatient and lame sometimes. Of all the people, am I really the one best suited to do this? I guess it doesn't matter because I am doing it. I choose this. What's a better way to live life than to serve others anyways? None that I know.
Fast forward to this morning >>>>
I talked to dad and told him how yesterday went, then I went back to my study area and he started sobbing. His cry sounds kind of like a screaming banshee. But it definitely made me start crying, so I called mom who was outside checking out her plants and I told her dad's crying and he needs her. Then she started talking to him and she's like "Let's chit chat out here." and led him to the front porch where they have their tea parties and morning coffee. I'm glad she's talking to him, I feel like dad doesn't really get to let out his feelings to anyone. He also hasn't really talked to Auntie Beth, so he's just been keeping it to himself. I almost hate having to tell him things, but I know he needs to know so he can be a better brother and support to Uncle Abe.
Anyways, there it is. It's real. Uncle Abe has cancer. The doctor said it's one of the best cancers to have, though, because it is very, very treatable in its earlier stages. I just cannot wait for these classes to be over so I'm less stressed when I take care of him. Dad asked if I could clean his house every couple of weeks. I think it'd be good so Uncle Abe isn't alone all the time. My biggest fear is that he's going to get depressed and maybe suicidal. He already started saying, "What if I die, Nik?" Gahhhhhh how do you respond to something like that? All I could say was, "Not anytime soon, Uncle Abe." But what if I'm wrong?
Sometimes I wonder why God chose me to help take care of him. I'm too emotional to be strong enough for Uncle Abe. It's like a constant shattering of my heart. And I'm so impatient and lame sometimes. Of all the people, am I really the one best suited to do this? I guess it doesn't matter because I am doing it. I choose this. What's a better way to live life than to serve others anyways? None that I know.