(no subject)
I've lost my appetite and one of my best friends. I let him know so much about me. We exchanged things no one else knew and we treated each other with such resentment. I somewhat grew accustomed and even began to like the cycle of this I hurt you, now it's my turn relationship. I said alot of things to him I didn't mean, and after saying them, I would ask myself if I'd really just said that. And now we've really done it. Another passive-agressive verbal assault on each other's egos and the bad things said that we accidentaly regretted, yet purposely meant to sting each other.
What is this feeling, when two people try so desperately to hide their feelings from each other? Why do we keep finding things to make ourselves stop liking each other, then realizing this secret pact we have, this friendship, and how well we get along, and that we can't find that with anyone else we try to date?
I can't help but feel that we understand each other so much. And now i've really done it. I don't deserve his love anyways, and that's what makes me appreciate the fact that I don't have it. But it's the loss of his friendship that kills me.
Every relationship i've had has ended badly, where we've said bad stuff to hurt each other and somewhat used it as an excuse to mutually agree through anger that we want to forget each other's existence.
I don't want that with Preston. I want to make a change in history. I want him to see that I'm probably destined to be single for a while.
Why can't I just accept people for who they are. Why am I always so judgemental? I really hate how I can so easily sense people's insecurities and it offends me. Thoughts are so powerful.
I don't know the answer to anything, I don't have time to think, alls I know is I can't get over this feeling of overwhelming sadness. It's like he died, but he's very much alive, just not speaking with me, I don't blame him. But Oh I'd be so devastated if anything ever happend to him.
why can't we be friends? Rachel said it takes time to be friends with ex's. But i don't have time. I don't want to wait months later when we come across each other in separate relationships being civilized and pretending we've forgotten all about that magic night of the full moon and those kisses we shared on the dock. I've never felt that with anyone.
Is it possible for continuous reconciliation and forgiveness? Or is the bond forever damaged, making truth so hard to gain once you hurt someone? And in gaining back a person's trust how much do you have to suffer in order for someone to forgive you?
I'll apologize a million times, I'll do anything, I just want my friend back, that's all. It just can't be this way. I have to fix this. But if I call him too much i'll seem like a stalker. But I want to talk to him! What's so wrong with that? Why do I have to pretend that I don't want to?
What is this feeling, when two people try so desperately to hide their feelings from each other? Why do we keep finding things to make ourselves stop liking each other, then realizing this secret pact we have, this friendship, and how well we get along, and that we can't find that with anyone else we try to date?
I can't help but feel that we understand each other so much. And now i've really done it. I don't deserve his love anyways, and that's what makes me appreciate the fact that I don't have it. But it's the loss of his friendship that kills me.
Every relationship i've had has ended badly, where we've said bad stuff to hurt each other and somewhat used it as an excuse to mutually agree through anger that we want to forget each other's existence.
I don't want that with Preston. I want to make a change in history. I want him to see that I'm probably destined to be single for a while.
Why can't I just accept people for who they are. Why am I always so judgemental? I really hate how I can so easily sense people's insecurities and it offends me. Thoughts are so powerful.
I don't know the answer to anything, I don't have time to think, alls I know is I can't get over this feeling of overwhelming sadness. It's like he died, but he's very much alive, just not speaking with me, I don't blame him. But Oh I'd be so devastated if anything ever happend to him.
why can't we be friends? Rachel said it takes time to be friends with ex's. But i don't have time. I don't want to wait months later when we come across each other in separate relationships being civilized and pretending we've forgotten all about that magic night of the full moon and those kisses we shared on the dock. I've never felt that with anyone.
Is it possible for continuous reconciliation and forgiveness? Or is the bond forever damaged, making truth so hard to gain once you hurt someone? And in gaining back a person's trust how much do you have to suffer in order for someone to forgive you?
I'll apologize a million times, I'll do anything, I just want my friend back, that's all. It just can't be this way. I have to fix this. But if I call him too much i'll seem like a stalker. But I want to talk to him! What's so wrong with that? Why do I have to pretend that I don't want to?