(no subject)
If You Have A Spare Moment, READ THIS.
This is possibly the longest LJ entry ever, but I wanted to update with a ditty from Jess explaining the past few weeks and my current living situation.
I laugh everytime I read this. You DEFFINITLY should give it a spin...
There's even a surprise at the end if you read it all the way through!!!
-------------------------->
Living With MySpace
A short non-fiction piece by Jessica Marciano
MY APARTMENT
70D Village II Drive
Hilton, NY
14468
{CHRISTA EDIT: SEND ME LETTERS!!!!!}
GENERAL INHABITANTS
*Me--> You know...
*Christa--> Moved in on the 1st of January, and is pretty much the most amazing thing ever. Beautiful, smart, funny, interesting, and driven. Makes me feel wanted, makes me feel important, and is the most amazing concept... I can't believe she exists, much less that she's in love with me. Just got promoted at her job (that's right, I'm the bitch, she makes the money, I'll just cook dinner and be her slave... in fact I kind of like the sound of that), she's on top of everything, even when she doesn't think she is. I know sometimes she gets overwhelmed, but she looks so far ahead and plans everything, I can't help but be proud of her for that. Speaking of future, she's my future wife, my future family... no, she's just my future.
*Bill--> Used to be this dumb innocuous little gay kid who got a little drunk sometimes but pretty much chilled with his friends and got overly emo about falling for straight guys. He dances on the pole he bought for our living room a lot and sings along to R.Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet" like a champ. Pretty much good for a laugh any time, and just about the most loyal kid I know. Then he brought Tom home and turned into a fucktard.
*Tom--> Product of MySpace. Straight boy. Pathological liar. Says his real name's Keco (pronounced Kiko) and he's from Germany, adopted into the US at 9 or something like that. Since his high school graduation at 18 (he is now 20) he completed 4 years of college at RIT for computer stuff, did a 2 year stint in the army or some military thing, uh, saved children and puppies from burning buildings... fuck, I can't remember now. I usually tuned him out, which was easy with his lisp, we barely understood half of what he said anyway. Really, his family has some restraining order against him, so he's been sleeping on couches since who knows when. Anyway, Bill meets him on NySpace, picks him up from some couch in Greece, and he's lived, against my wishes, with me and Billy and then our new housemates ever since.
*Kevin--> He's new. I don't really know him, but pretty much if we keep the place clean and don't touch his shit, I think he'll be okay.
*Sean--> (Honorary Roommate) Uh, he's pretty much man on the couch. Works with my girlfriend (she's SO his boss) and is sort of like my honorary brother figure. He asks how my day went at work, gets concerned when he doesn't hear from my Christa because he knows her car is unreliable, buys us ketchup and other necessities, and is generally just... I don't know, brotherly.
THE WAY IT WAS
Bill insisted Tom live with us, even after I insisted he leave. Bill became a douche bag but totally fell for Tom, who of course lied his ass off about having the same feelings. Christa and I laughed our asses off because we saw right through it. Sean and Kevin caught on right away too, and got more annoyed than we did. I mean, we almost got evicted because Tom is loud and slams doors when he's... well, when he's breathing, and that pissed me off and I was a bitch, and he brought very young children (15 and 16) and drugs into the house, which also made me quite the angry bitch, and I even went off threatening to call the police once, but that was the most bothersome Tom ever was to me. I mean, I'm good with strangers, right?
He dated Bill's ex-girlfriend for 2 weeks right under his nose, and when Bill found out it was only because they were breaking up. Tom said he'd never be with a virgin, so Bill fucked this 15 year old girl (title: "The Fat Chick") from MySpace (like it's his one country now) to make him acceptable. Then they had a threesome with said exgirlfriend, just so Bill could be NEAR Tom in a sexual situation. Christmas came. Bill gave Tom a cell phone and put him on his family plan. January 1st came and we split rent 3 ways because Bill wouldn't ask Tom to leave. I paid 1/3 and Bill paid 2/3. To Christa and I, this was hysterical. Got a laugh out of every minute of it. Now, let me point out to those of you feeling bad for Bill, we're not bitches. He wasn't in the dark about this whole thing, really. I mean, if he was, he put himself there. We told him day in and day out that Tom was a lowlife loser mooching off of him for everything he had. We told him Tom was straight, and that's why when Bill made his emo "I'm not getting any, Tom's scared to commit, I really want to kiss him but he won't let me" speeches, we stopped feeling bad. He put Tom's feelings before ours every time. His parents intervened, and his dad came and physically removed Tom because he was not only a threat to his kid's stability and mental health, but his financial well being. I finally had his mother over one morning to discuss with her that even though we all new Billy was fucking up, that she couldn't just let her husband come into my house and run around like the Goddamned police (I offered to talk to Bill's father directly, but he said "Uh, you should talk to my wife..." which did piss me off but is a rant for another day). They backed off, and we all agreed we'd just sit back and watch Billy crash and burn.
And we told him so.
And crash and burn he did.
THE WAY IT WENT DOWN
Now, for him, this is the touching and sad part of the story. But for me? Hysterical.
Bill couldn't cover Tom's part of the rent anymore. In fact, even if Tom had his own rent money and we split it five ways, Bill didn't have his OWN rent money, his mom had to help him out. So we decided to split it four ways, and Tom could either come up with money by the 1st of the month to pay us back or he was on his ass. Bill took Tom job hunting, not ready to let him go just yet. They looked through Hilton for anything in walking distance, anything that would get him enough money to pay rent. And came home with an interview at the Arlingon, a bar/restaurant in Hilton. Inches away. Bill took him to his interview and waited outside. He came out excited, and was even more excited when he was running around telling everyone about the phone call he got the next day, telling him he was hired as, essentially, the bitch, making minimum wage to wash dishes, mop, etc. He'd pay us back right away, and then save for next months rent, and on the 30 hours a week he was getting, still have enough to contribute some food to the house and then chill if he wanted to. Tom with a job. Weird concept.
He went out, against Bill's wishes, to this girl Dusty's house, where a whole bunch of random friends were going to be. Bill told him to be home at a decent time, which I suppose was 2am, because at 11am, Bill was going to "peel off and shit" in front of Dusty's house because Tom was 9 hours late. Sure. Bill left and Christa and I were on our way out to lunch when Bill's mom showed up. She had opened one of Bill's bills, allegedly because she intended to pay it, but when she saw it, she came straight over instead.
It was his cell phone bill.
It was the family plan bill.
It was $644 and change.
Damn.
Meanwhile, Tom didn't show up. Bill told him to return the phone and any of Bill's clothes that he was wearing. After not being able to get a hold of him that whole day and the morning of the next, they checked the Arlington to see if he showed up for his first day.
First day of what?
He never even got the job there.
He stopped by the apartment once in all this mess, I didn't see him.
I hope that was almost as amusing to you as it was to me.
NOW
Tom's not allowed here.
Bill's in therapy, hardcore. He's off of work for up to 15 weeks on medical for it, and he's been once to counselling already, and he goes back today and tomorrow. He says the counsellor gave him 3 big rules.
1)Don't be alone, ever.
2)Don't let Tom back in the apartment.
3)Don't ever be alone with Tom.
I might have made up rule number two, I don't remember what it was.
However, maybe it's helping. Bill's been more normal than he's ever been, for him at least. More like himself I mean. Laughing, joking around, not acting like a stuck up douchebag. It's not terribly awful to be around him anymore... I really do like it. In a sad and scary way, we're all family now, and that sucks when we want to punch each other. We're better, now. Minus Tom.
The rest of us, are still laughing at this.
I might have made up rule number two, I don't remember what it was.
But, uh, kick ass story time, huh?
And, I'm leaving this public, because I feel like it. Bill, if you see this and get pissy, this is nothing I haven't said to you. Tom is a funny funny man and we all saw it coming. You're cooler now, anyway.
P.S. It's our 4 month anniversary.
Jess and Christa.
10.02.05-Forever.
Forever.
For scrolling all the way to the end, you get a present: New Salad Fingers
/EndJessRant<--
ALSO!!!!!!......
THIS is Alice.
Via Bills shaddy digital...
Shes much prettier in person... er...cat.
...And less blue. And we love her...
Even when shes gone retarded.
<3 Alice
This is possibly the longest LJ entry ever, but I wanted to update with a ditty from Jess explaining the past few weeks and my current living situation.
I laugh everytime I read this. You DEFFINITLY should give it a spin...
There's even a surprise at the end if you read it all the way through!!!
-------------------------->
Living With MySpace
A short non-fiction piece by Jessica Marciano
MY APARTMENT
70D Village II Drive
Hilton, NY
14468
{CHRISTA EDIT: SEND ME LETTERS!!!!!}
GENERAL INHABITANTS
*Me--> You know...
*Christa--> Moved in on the 1st of January, and is pretty much the most amazing thing ever. Beautiful, smart, funny, interesting, and driven. Makes me feel wanted, makes me feel important, and is the most amazing concept... I can't believe she exists, much less that she's in love with me. Just got promoted at her job (that's right, I'm the bitch, she makes the money, I'll just cook dinner and be her slave... in fact I kind of like the sound of that), she's on top of everything, even when she doesn't think she is. I know sometimes she gets overwhelmed, but she looks so far ahead and plans everything, I can't help but be proud of her for that. Speaking of future, she's my future wife, my future family... no, she's just my future.
*Bill--> Used to be this dumb innocuous little gay kid who got a little drunk sometimes but pretty much chilled with his friends and got overly emo about falling for straight guys. He dances on the pole he bought for our living room a lot and sings along to R.Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet" like a champ. Pretty much good for a laugh any time, and just about the most loyal kid I know. Then he brought Tom home and turned into a fucktard.
*Tom--> Product of MySpace. Straight boy. Pathological liar. Says his real name's Keco (pronounced Kiko) and he's from Germany, adopted into the US at 9 or something like that. Since his high school graduation at 18 (he is now 20) he completed 4 years of college at RIT for computer stuff, did a 2 year stint in the army or some military thing, uh, saved children and puppies from burning buildings... fuck, I can't remember now. I usually tuned him out, which was easy with his lisp, we barely understood half of what he said anyway. Really, his family has some restraining order against him, so he's been sleeping on couches since who knows when. Anyway, Bill meets him on NySpace, picks him up from some couch in Greece, and he's lived, against my wishes, with me and Billy and then our new housemates ever since.
*Kevin--> He's new. I don't really know him, but pretty much if we keep the place clean and don't touch his shit, I think he'll be okay.
*Sean--> (Honorary Roommate) Uh, he's pretty much man on the couch. Works with my girlfriend (she's SO his boss) and is sort of like my honorary brother figure. He asks how my day went at work, gets concerned when he doesn't hear from my Christa because he knows her car is unreliable, buys us ketchup and other necessities, and is generally just... I don't know, brotherly.
THE WAY IT WAS
Bill insisted Tom live with us, even after I insisted he leave. Bill became a douche bag but totally fell for Tom, who of course lied his ass off about having the same feelings. Christa and I laughed our asses off because we saw right through it. Sean and Kevin caught on right away too, and got more annoyed than we did. I mean, we almost got evicted because Tom is loud and slams doors when he's... well, when he's breathing, and that pissed me off and I was a bitch, and he brought very young children (15 and 16) and drugs into the house, which also made me quite the angry bitch, and I even went off threatening to call the police once, but that was the most bothersome Tom ever was to me. I mean, I'm good with strangers, right?
He dated Bill's ex-girlfriend for 2 weeks right under his nose, and when Bill found out it was only because they were breaking up. Tom said he'd never be with a virgin, so Bill fucked this 15 year old girl (title: "The Fat Chick") from MySpace (like it's his one country now) to make him acceptable. Then they had a threesome with said exgirlfriend, just so Bill could be NEAR Tom in a sexual situation. Christmas came. Bill gave Tom a cell phone and put him on his family plan. January 1st came and we split rent 3 ways because Bill wouldn't ask Tom to leave. I paid 1/3 and Bill paid 2/3. To Christa and I, this was hysterical. Got a laugh out of every minute of it. Now, let me point out to those of you feeling bad for Bill, we're not bitches. He wasn't in the dark about this whole thing, really. I mean, if he was, he put himself there. We told him day in and day out that Tom was a lowlife loser mooching off of him for everything he had. We told him Tom was straight, and that's why when Bill made his emo "I'm not getting any, Tom's scared to commit, I really want to kiss him but he won't let me" speeches, we stopped feeling bad. He put Tom's feelings before ours every time. His parents intervened, and his dad came and physically removed Tom because he was not only a threat to his kid's stability and mental health, but his financial well being. I finally had his mother over one morning to discuss with her that even though we all new Billy was fucking up, that she couldn't just let her husband come into my house and run around like the Goddamned police (I offered to talk to Bill's father directly, but he said "Uh, you should talk to my wife..." which did piss me off but is a rant for another day). They backed off, and we all agreed we'd just sit back and watch Billy crash and burn.
And we told him so.
And crash and burn he did.
THE WAY IT WENT DOWN
Now, for him, this is the touching and sad part of the story. But for me? Hysterical.
Bill couldn't cover Tom's part of the rent anymore. In fact, even if Tom had his own rent money and we split it five ways, Bill didn't have his OWN rent money, his mom had to help him out. So we decided to split it four ways, and Tom could either come up with money by the 1st of the month to pay us back or he was on his ass. Bill took Tom job hunting, not ready to let him go just yet. They looked through Hilton for anything in walking distance, anything that would get him enough money to pay rent. And came home with an interview at the Arlingon, a bar/restaurant in Hilton. Inches away. Bill took him to his interview and waited outside. He came out excited, and was even more excited when he was running around telling everyone about the phone call he got the next day, telling him he was hired as, essentially, the bitch, making minimum wage to wash dishes, mop, etc. He'd pay us back right away, and then save for next months rent, and on the 30 hours a week he was getting, still have enough to contribute some food to the house and then chill if he wanted to. Tom with a job. Weird concept.
He went out, against Bill's wishes, to this girl Dusty's house, where a whole bunch of random friends were going to be. Bill told him to be home at a decent time, which I suppose was 2am, because at 11am, Bill was going to "peel off and shit" in front of Dusty's house because Tom was 9 hours late. Sure. Bill left and Christa and I were on our way out to lunch when Bill's mom showed up. She had opened one of Bill's bills, allegedly because she intended to pay it, but when she saw it, she came straight over instead.
It was his cell phone bill.
It was the family plan bill.
It was $644 and change.
Damn.
Meanwhile, Tom didn't show up. Bill told him to return the phone and any of Bill's clothes that he was wearing. After not being able to get a hold of him that whole day and the morning of the next, they checked the Arlington to see if he showed up for his first day.
First day of what?
He never even got the job there.
He stopped by the apartment once in all this mess, I didn't see him.
I hope that was almost as amusing to you as it was to me.
NOW
Tom's not allowed here.
Bill's in therapy, hardcore. He's off of work for up to 15 weeks on medical for it, and he's been once to counselling already, and he goes back today and tomorrow. He says the counsellor gave him 3 big rules.
1)Don't be alone, ever.
2)Don't let Tom back in the apartment.
3)Don't ever be alone with Tom.
I might have made up rule number two, I don't remember what it was.
However, maybe it's helping. Bill's been more normal than he's ever been, for him at least. More like himself I mean. Laughing, joking around, not acting like a stuck up douchebag. It's not terribly awful to be around him anymore... I really do like it. In a sad and scary way, we're all family now, and that sucks when we want to punch each other. We're better, now. Minus Tom.
The rest of us, are still laughing at this.
I might have made up rule number two, I don't remember what it was.
But, uh, kick ass story time, huh?
And, I'm leaving this public, because I feel like it. Bill, if you see this and get pissy, this is nothing I haven't said to you. Tom is a funny funny man and we all saw it coming. You're cooler now, anyway.
P.S. It's our 4 month anniversary.
Jess and Christa.
10.02.05-Forever.
Forever.
For scrolling all the way to the end, you get a present: New Salad Fingers
/EndJessRant<--
ALSO!!!!!!......
THIS is Alice.
Via Bills shaddy digital...
Shes much prettier in person... er...cat.
...And less blue. And we love her...
Even when shes gone retarded.
<3 Alice