2a.m. and i still awake writing a song
dear a.a.,
remember me?? we were once as close as we could get. i tried to be there for every important moment in your life, and it made me especially happy when u made me feel like i really was a part of your life. although most days i felt over-shadowed by the other people in your life, i can still say i tried with an open heart to be true to you as your friend. i can also say that u too were there for me at times, but i have to admit i needed you more. i lived for those moments when we had real connections... like when we sat in my room, you on the floor, me on my bed, and just sobbed. we talked about everything there was to talk about, a lot of which we kept secret and close to our hearts because the topics were so sensitive. you talked about your dad, as well as your mom. i talked about them all. we just cried for what seemed like hours. i have said some things... so stupid that you could only expect to hear them from a nieve teenager. thats all i was when i said them, a nieve angry and bitter teenager. i've remained bitter for so long, that it hurts my insides. i've decided that another pain is the last thing i need added to my life, so i let it all go. i wont lie and say im not angry about the past, because i am about some things, however i am grateful for it all, because without you in my past, and removing you from my future, i would not be the person i am today. and i am grateful to be who i am, and i thank you for impacting my life, as well as my personality. looking back at our friendship, i see it as a quilt being constructed but torn a whole lot on the way, leaving nothing but a potentially beautiful blanket, we never let it become. i have also recognized the very distinct differences between us... i do understand where you come from, holding everything back, letting it pile up inside you, rolling a snowball of bitterness. you probably feel like its all for the better, thats what i thought at least. all i can say is i hope that one day you open your heart, and let a lot of it go. cry. it does you good sometimes. i know that you have no intrest in talking to me, i won't even ask you to. i know you hate my guts and all that junk. just know that whats done is done, but if i could i would take back the hurt i know i put you through. your place in my heart will never be taken, its still there now, and it always has been. i know that writing this has most likely been a waste since i was erased from your life as well as your lj a long time ago. but it needed to be said. i just didnt feel right about wasting your time by saying it all too your face. (too much to say and talking tends to kill my train of thought). i suppose thats it...
i updated sean and sarah! :} not that great of an update i know... but i did it...
*comments screened... as usual*
remember me?? we were once as close as we could get. i tried to be there for every important moment in your life, and it made me especially happy when u made me feel like i really was a part of your life. although most days i felt over-shadowed by the other people in your life, i can still say i tried with an open heart to be true to you as your friend. i can also say that u too were there for me at times, but i have to admit i needed you more. i lived for those moments when we had real connections... like when we sat in my room, you on the floor, me on my bed, and just sobbed. we talked about everything there was to talk about, a lot of which we kept secret and close to our hearts because the topics were so sensitive. you talked about your dad, as well as your mom. i talked about them all. we just cried for what seemed like hours. i have said some things... so stupid that you could only expect to hear them from a nieve teenager. thats all i was when i said them, a nieve angry and bitter teenager. i've remained bitter for so long, that it hurts my insides. i've decided that another pain is the last thing i need added to my life, so i let it all go. i wont lie and say im not angry about the past, because i am about some things, however i am grateful for it all, because without you in my past, and removing you from my future, i would not be the person i am today. and i am grateful to be who i am, and i thank you for impacting my life, as well as my personality. looking back at our friendship, i see it as a quilt being constructed but torn a whole lot on the way, leaving nothing but a potentially beautiful blanket, we never let it become. i have also recognized the very distinct differences between us... i do understand where you come from, holding everything back, letting it pile up inside you, rolling a snowball of bitterness. you probably feel like its all for the better, thats what i thought at least. all i can say is i hope that one day you open your heart, and let a lot of it go. cry. it does you good sometimes. i know that you have no intrest in talking to me, i won't even ask you to. i know you hate my guts and all that junk. just know that whats done is done, but if i could i would take back the hurt i know i put you through. your place in my heart will never be taken, its still there now, and it always has been. i know that writing this has most likely been a waste since i was erased from your life as well as your lj a long time ago. but it needed to be said. i just didnt feel right about wasting your time by saying it all too your face. (too much to say and talking tends to kill my train of thought). i suppose thats it...
i updated sean and sarah! :} not that great of an update i know... but i did it...
*comments screened... as usual*