Happy Mother's Day!
Written in light of all the testing I’ve endured.
1.) A student reminsces on all the past multiple choice tests she’s taken in her lifetime. She remembers the months of studying, which eventually turned into the weeks of studying. Now that she is about to dive into another flood of testing, she feels…
A. Well prepared. So everyone has their rough times ahead of them. She can deal. Back to those long, long months of studying.
B. Worried. After all, following the pattern, she’s only got days of studying, right?
C. Panicked. She (accidentally) skipped the linear pattern and jumped straight to mere hours of studying. Everything’s so fast-paced in this world anyway. Who honestly has the time?
D. Numbed-by the thought that she hasn’t studied. I mean, after all, she’s blogging right now, isn’t she?
2.) A student just paid a bundle of money for tests to “measure” her knowledge of things she probably won’t ever need to remember after high school (make that after June 2005). She’s finished with testing, though she wishes it was for the rest of her high school career. She’s thinking…
A. “Oh my. I just failed.”
B. “Oh crap. I just failed.”
C. “So that’s how students get stars, 1’s, and 2’s!”
D. “Well, at least I took the test. Sure got my money’s worth out of that part.”
3.) A student, who happens to carry her weight in books daily, has spent the entire last week testing. How many hours of her joyless life has been devoted to this displeasure?
A. Over 15 hours. That epitomizes “cool.”
B. Over 20 hours. If she doesn’t do anything else with her life, might as well take a test, right?
C. Hours? We should be measuring in SECONDS!
D. …Does this include the level of consciousness during these tests?
4.) In the past week, 4 periods have consecutively been missed due to a chaotic testing schedule set up by Collegeboard. Collegeboard, teamed up with ETS, wish to…
A. Provide wonderous learning opportunities brainwashing tatics for to use on students all over the country.
B. Torture students into a mind-numbing void so that in the future, all students can become their slaves.
C. Transform all students into robots-who can bubble circles well.
D. Kill. me particularly.
5.) A student is asked to go shopping over the weekend: the weekend before May 2nd. May 2nd signifies the first day of AP testing and the final stages of CAT-6 testing. The students responds:
A. “Although I love to shop, I think I’d have a better time at home calculating the rate at which a car is moving and then taking the derivative of that so I can do more complex equations that will efficiently disguise my lack of preparedness for the tests I am about to take.”
B. “Shopping? On April 30 and May 1? Isn’t that, like, illegal?”
C. “I believe I have an essay, or five, to write.”
D. “Don’t tempt me.”
6.) Of all the exciting things that have occurred in the past week, what was the most comforting and fulfilling one of them all for the above mentioned student?
A. The fact that she missed class because she had to bubble in circles for over 3 hours a day.
B. The fact that an entire column of stickers in her AP pamphlet has been used.
C. The fact that she can no longer breathe, or sit in a cold chair with a small, wobbly desk attached to it (since naturally, they’re so related).
D. The fact that she had to miss out on shopping, talking to friends, going out, e-mailing, blogging, and most devastating of all, writing and reading.
7.) Which of the following choices would most closely resemble a graph of this student’s mental fortitude versus hours of testing?
A. A graph showing an inverse relationship between the hours of testing and ability
B. y=-x^2
C. y=e^(-x)
D. A point on the graph (somewhere in the 3rd quadrant).
8.) A student is creating a multiple choice test in her spare time. What is the most typical of her friends reaction?
A. They laugh at her witty jokes. She always had a knack for making light of difficult situations.
B. They chastise her for being so silly. Does she really expect this to amend her loss of mental capacity and state?
C. They sigh, just before adding their own questions and answers to her expanding list.
D. They respond, “Are you trying to fail another test?”
9.) That same student aforementioned is still creating a multiple choice test. She is…
A. Out of her mind.
B. Crazy.
C. Completely out of her mind.
D. Stopping right now. Thankfully.
1.) A student reminsces on all the past multiple choice tests she’s taken in her lifetime. She remembers the months of studying, which eventually turned into the weeks of studying. Now that she is about to dive into another flood of testing, she feels…
A. Well prepared. So everyone has their rough times ahead of them. She can deal. Back to those long, long months of studying.
B. Worried. After all, following the pattern, she’s only got days of studying, right?
C. Panicked. She (accidentally) skipped the linear pattern and jumped straight to mere hours of studying. Everything’s so fast-paced in this world anyway. Who honestly has the time?
D. Numbed-by the thought that she hasn’t studied. I mean, after all, she’s blogging right now, isn’t she?
2.) A student just paid a bundle of money for tests to “measure” her knowledge of things she probably won’t ever need to remember after high school (make that after June 2005). She’s finished with testing, though she wishes it was for the rest of her high school career. She’s thinking…
A. “Oh my. I just failed.”
B. “Oh crap. I just failed.”
C. “So that’s how students get stars, 1’s, and 2’s!”
D. “Well, at least I took the test. Sure got my money’s worth out of that part.”
3.) A student, who happens to carry her weight in books daily, has spent the entire last week testing. How many hours of her joyless life has been devoted to this displeasure?
A. Over 15 hours. That epitomizes “cool.”
B. Over 20 hours. If she doesn’t do anything else with her life, might as well take a test, right?
C. Hours? We should be measuring in SECONDS!
D. …Does this include the level of consciousness during these tests?
4.) In the past week, 4 periods have consecutively been missed due to a chaotic testing schedule set up by Collegeboard. Collegeboard, teamed up with ETS, wish to…
A. Provide wonderous learning opportunities brainwashing tatics for to use on students all over the country.
B. Torture students into a mind-numbing void so that in the future, all students can become their slaves.
C. Transform all students into robots-who can bubble circles well.
D. Kill. me particularly.
5.) A student is asked to go shopping over the weekend: the weekend before May 2nd. May 2nd signifies the first day of AP testing and the final stages of CAT-6 testing. The students responds:
A. “Although I love to shop, I think I’d have a better time at home calculating the rate at which a car is moving and then taking the derivative of that so I can do more complex equations that will efficiently disguise my lack of preparedness for the tests I am about to take.”
B. “Shopping? On April 30 and May 1? Isn’t that, like, illegal?”
C. “I believe I have an essay, or five, to write.”
D. “Don’t tempt me.”
6.) Of all the exciting things that have occurred in the past week, what was the most comforting and fulfilling one of them all for the above mentioned student?
A. The fact that she missed class because she had to bubble in circles for over 3 hours a day.
B. The fact that an entire column of stickers in her AP pamphlet has been used.
C. The fact that she can no longer breathe, or sit in a cold chair with a small, wobbly desk attached to it (since naturally, they’re so related).
D. The fact that she had to miss out on shopping, talking to friends, going out, e-mailing, blogging, and most devastating of all, writing and reading.
7.) Which of the following choices would most closely resemble a graph of this student’s mental fortitude versus hours of testing?
A. A graph showing an inverse relationship between the hours of testing and ability
B. y=-x^2
C. y=e^(-x)
D. A point on the graph (somewhere in the 3rd quadrant).
8.) A student is creating a multiple choice test in her spare time. What is the most typical of her friends reaction?
A. They laugh at her witty jokes. She always had a knack for making light of difficult situations.
B. They chastise her for being so silly. Does she really expect this to amend her loss of mental capacity and state?
C. They sigh, just before adding their own questions and answers to her expanding list.
D. They respond, “Are you trying to fail another test?”
9.) That same student aforementioned is still creating a multiple choice test. She is…
A. Out of her mind.
B. Crazy.
C. Completely out of her mind.
D. Stopping right now. Thankfully.