Dear Future Me
So today I got the best Christmas present ever--an e-mail from myself. A year ago from today, I decided to send my future self an e-mail through futureme.org. To tell you the truth, the e-mail has only made me realize what a sad, unfulfilling life I lead. Why? Because mostly everything I said in it--barring the parts that I knew were absolutely going to be true--did not come true. Anyway, I have to admit, it's pretty interesting to see how much I've changed in the course of a year. And now I think my present self will once again write my future self an e-mail because my former self wrote my present self one and as a result, I have been inspired to start a new tradition.
Here's the letter I received today:
Dear Future Me,
When you finally receive this letter, any knowledge of its existence will probably be loitering around the far depths of your mind, sufficiently misplaced in the recesses of your memory. In a year’s time, when this letter finally finds its way through cyberspace into your inbox, expectedly, there will be things that will have remained the same and many that will have not. My present claims will most probably differ from those of yours, my dearest future self, as will my lifestyle, focuses, aspirations, and ambitions.
Time does fly, doesn’t it? To only think: a year ago, you were a sixteen-year-old girl in her third year of high school, adequately pleased with whatever came along as long as it didn’t change things all too much. You were stubbornly clinging onto those even more stubborn beliefs, ones laced with high expectations but inevitably doomed for disappointment. To tell you the honest truth though, I hope that is the part of you that has not changed much since the present time that I write this letter but is the part that has only clung tighter with added substantiation and weight behind its core logic. In fact, I’d have to say that I’ve become rather fond of those established determinations and have been for some time now. Barring that last line though, I do hope you weren’t too let down by anybody (or anything, for that matter) as you were in the past because of what you believe.
But in the case that you have been, I’ll speak with the taste of experience still bitterly inlaid in my memory (I give the best speeches then, you know). There will be always be difficult times, times when you can’t stand the morning and times when you can’t look a single person in the eye, but you’ll have to stay strong and hold onto your values. Don’t ever back down from holding onto something worth embracing (and your values are just that). I don’t know if you’ll find yourself in such low spirits at this time next year as I have found myself most recently, but already, I can feel that I’ve gotten past the fall. From hereon, it will be downhill, and if you’ve made it this far, I have faith you can pull through whatever else. This too shall pass, as shall everything else. Yes, you’re going to make mistakes, but they are going to be mistakes worth making, just as the risks you take will be ones well worth taking. Remember, everything happens for a reason, and reason is a beauty in itself.
Digressing from that little sap of inspiration, let’s move onto bigger and better things: tell me, Future Me, how has this past year treated you? I do hope it has been good to you.
Since you’ll be a senior when you read this letter, are you frantically stressing over college applications? Did you ever get into the school of your top choice? I sure hope you did. And if not, I know you’ll be fine just the same. Speaking of school, though, how did you do on your final SAT? Were your fears substantiated, or did you finally find the motivation to “study” and breeze right through it? I know you’ve always been the type of person to fight for personal time, so be sure to take some time out to breathe and relax.
Has your circle of friends changed much from a year ago? Along with my stubborn beliefs, that’s one thing I wish would remain the same in a year’s time. For the first time in a long time, I have found friends who are honest, true in their intentions, and bring genuine meaning to the term “real friends.” Although I know I have my fears of drifting apart, I have faith that all qualms will be proven false. I hope nothing has changed your relationship with Varun and Derek and that you will have found time to “hang out” as much as you all would like. Do you still keep in touch with Jenn? I know she’ll be in college by the time you read this, but I hope that changes little between you two. You two are such good friends now that it would be devastatingly sad to see anything otherwise. Do you still talk to all the other friends you have who have graduated in June? How about the others who have moved or ones with whom you have gradually lost touch? Perhaps you have managed to resurrect some friendships or at least maintained some communication with some.
Are you still crazily obsessed with Alex Band and Rob Thomas? I’d tell you now that they have nice deep voices, but I doubt you need reminding. Do you still have that awesome drawing Jenn gave you last Christmas? Did you ever try placing it in front of your speakers and turning up the volume as “Wherever You Will Go” blasts from your speakers? I have a feeling you already did.
How did Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince turn out? Were there any more hints at Harry and Hermione as a couple? (I know for certain that you’ll never turn into a Ron and Hermione shipper. Harry and Hermione are just so much cuter together, and if you were to ever think otherwise, God bless you.) Did you and Jenn wait for 6 hours at Barnes and Noble on July 16th just to get a copy of it, exactly like you two did last time with Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix?
Did you ever get that domain you wanted? I hope you’re using it wisely. Were you able to do all the things you wanted to do with it? Just the thought makes me anticipate the day even more.
Did you ever change your hairstyle like you’ve always wanted to? Or is it still that same layered cut you get every single time? I have a feeling it is. You’ve always hated change, and I bet you’re still afraid to try anything different.
But speaking of fears, I wonder if you’ve gone on a real rollercoaster yet. All right, that one was a given. You should try riding one sometime in your life though.
Did you ever learn how to drive? If you haven’t by now, I don’t know what to do with you. I’ll go back in time just to wring your neck and leave you at the DMV until you finally learn.
Do you still hold onto those memories of the past, or have you learned to finally live and let go? Has your relentless memory’s continual torments subsided enough so that you can live a life without being constantly reminded of the world’s inequalities? Have you held onto your “never regret” motto? I compel you to if you’ve somehow fallen short of that. Nothing can be worse than the lacerations of the heart by regret’s lashings, and I’d hate to see you go through anymore than what you already have.
Have you finally learned to crochet and knit? I hope you’ve made scarves that don’t require being undone every few inches by now.
How many things have you completed from your “Things to do before I die” list? Hopefully enough to keep you satisfied with life.
How has Interact fared this past year? I wonder if you finally reached your goals for 2004 and all of its projects in between. I trust the club has been left in good hands for 2005, whoever it may be. I’m curious to know what has become of it, as is the same with YOUTH Today. Did those changes you’ve always wanted to make ever become fulfilled? Surely I hope so.
Did you get the chance to read more books that weren’t part of your school curriculum? I gather you never got around to reading The Stand, so I won’t ask about the end of the world. (I bet it was more of its daunting thickness that scared you away as opposed to the actual story itself.)
Are you still intrigued by seemingly irrelevant matters about the obscurest of the obscure? No matter, we all know the world’s livelihood thrives on such information anyhow.
Do you still wear that elastic black hair band around your wrist 24/7? I thought so. You better learn to live with that one, though I have a feeling you already have.
How’s the love life going? Something tells me you still prefer it to be bland than anything else. Have you professed your affection to anyone yet, or are you still too scarred from the last time that happened? Do you still believe in true love and soul mates but abhor the idea of “true love at first sight?” Yes, my thoughts exactly.
But while we are on the subject of love, how has the writing been? Have you written that book yet? How about that story? Do you still keep that tattered notebook or have you finally run out of pages and started a new one?
Well, I suppose that has been enough rambling from me. Time will pass, and I know you’ll be looking back, wondering where all those years have gone. I hope in the meantime, this year in between us, you have accomplished all that you have wanted to, lived your life to the fullest extent, explored the glories of the mountains in the distance, and dared to aspire to become more than what you already are. I hope you have done some positive things with your life and have made a difference in someone else’s along the way. Mostly though, I hope you’ve found a new level of confidence in yourself. Stop thinking so negatively. I really hate that.
Always,
Your past self
P.S. Merry Christmas.
Here's the letter I received today:
Dear Future Me,
When you finally receive this letter, any knowledge of its existence will probably be loitering around the far depths of your mind, sufficiently misplaced in the recesses of your memory. In a year’s time, when this letter finally finds its way through cyberspace into your inbox, expectedly, there will be things that will have remained the same and many that will have not. My present claims will most probably differ from those of yours, my dearest future self, as will my lifestyle, focuses, aspirations, and ambitions.
Time does fly, doesn’t it? To only think: a year ago, you were a sixteen-year-old girl in her third year of high school, adequately pleased with whatever came along as long as it didn’t change things all too much. You were stubbornly clinging onto those even more stubborn beliefs, ones laced with high expectations but inevitably doomed for disappointment. To tell you the honest truth though, I hope that is the part of you that has not changed much since the present time that I write this letter but is the part that has only clung tighter with added substantiation and weight behind its core logic. In fact, I’d have to say that I’ve become rather fond of those established determinations and have been for some time now. Barring that last line though, I do hope you weren’t too let down by anybody (or anything, for that matter) as you were in the past because of what you believe.
But in the case that you have been, I’ll speak with the taste of experience still bitterly inlaid in my memory (I give the best speeches then, you know). There will be always be difficult times, times when you can’t stand the morning and times when you can’t look a single person in the eye, but you’ll have to stay strong and hold onto your values. Don’t ever back down from holding onto something worth embracing (and your values are just that). I don’t know if you’ll find yourself in such low spirits at this time next year as I have found myself most recently, but already, I can feel that I’ve gotten past the fall. From hereon, it will be downhill, and if you’ve made it this far, I have faith you can pull through whatever else. This too shall pass, as shall everything else. Yes, you’re going to make mistakes, but they are going to be mistakes worth making, just as the risks you take will be ones well worth taking. Remember, everything happens for a reason, and reason is a beauty in itself.
Digressing from that little sap of inspiration, let’s move onto bigger and better things: tell me, Future Me, how has this past year treated you? I do hope it has been good to you.
Since you’ll be a senior when you read this letter, are you frantically stressing over college applications? Did you ever get into the school of your top choice? I sure hope you did. And if not, I know you’ll be fine just the same. Speaking of school, though, how did you do on your final SAT? Were your fears substantiated, or did you finally find the motivation to “study” and breeze right through it? I know you’ve always been the type of person to fight for personal time, so be sure to take some time out to breathe and relax.
Has your circle of friends changed much from a year ago? Along with my stubborn beliefs, that’s one thing I wish would remain the same in a year’s time. For the first time in a long time, I have found friends who are honest, true in their intentions, and bring genuine meaning to the term “real friends.” Although I know I have my fears of drifting apart, I have faith that all qualms will be proven false. I hope nothing has changed your relationship with Varun and Derek and that you will have found time to “hang out” as much as you all would like. Do you still keep in touch with Jenn? I know she’ll be in college by the time you read this, but I hope that changes little between you two. You two are such good friends now that it would be devastatingly sad to see anything otherwise. Do you still talk to all the other friends you have who have graduated in June? How about the others who have moved or ones with whom you have gradually lost touch? Perhaps you have managed to resurrect some friendships or at least maintained some communication with some.
Are you still crazily obsessed with Alex Band and Rob Thomas? I’d tell you now that they have nice deep voices, but I doubt you need reminding. Do you still have that awesome drawing Jenn gave you last Christmas? Did you ever try placing it in front of your speakers and turning up the volume as “Wherever You Will Go” blasts from your speakers? I have a feeling you already did.
How did Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince turn out? Were there any more hints at Harry and Hermione as a couple? (I know for certain that you’ll never turn into a Ron and Hermione shipper. Harry and Hermione are just so much cuter together, and if you were to ever think otherwise, God bless you.) Did you and Jenn wait for 6 hours at Barnes and Noble on July 16th just to get a copy of it, exactly like you two did last time with Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix?
Did you ever get that domain you wanted? I hope you’re using it wisely. Were you able to do all the things you wanted to do with it? Just the thought makes me anticipate the day even more.
Did you ever change your hairstyle like you’ve always wanted to? Or is it still that same layered cut you get every single time? I have a feeling it is. You’ve always hated change, and I bet you’re still afraid to try anything different.
But speaking of fears, I wonder if you’ve gone on a real rollercoaster yet. All right, that one was a given. You should try riding one sometime in your life though.
Did you ever learn how to drive? If you haven’t by now, I don’t know what to do with you. I’ll go back in time just to wring your neck and leave you at the DMV until you finally learn.
Do you still hold onto those memories of the past, or have you learned to finally live and let go? Has your relentless memory’s continual torments subsided enough so that you can live a life without being constantly reminded of the world’s inequalities? Have you held onto your “never regret” motto? I compel you to if you’ve somehow fallen short of that. Nothing can be worse than the lacerations of the heart by regret’s lashings, and I’d hate to see you go through anymore than what you already have.
Have you finally learned to crochet and knit? I hope you’ve made scarves that don’t require being undone every few inches by now.
How many things have you completed from your “Things to do before I die” list? Hopefully enough to keep you satisfied with life.
How has Interact fared this past year? I wonder if you finally reached your goals for 2004 and all of its projects in between. I trust the club has been left in good hands for 2005, whoever it may be. I’m curious to know what has become of it, as is the same with YOUTH Today. Did those changes you’ve always wanted to make ever become fulfilled? Surely I hope so.
Did you get the chance to read more books that weren’t part of your school curriculum? I gather you never got around to reading The Stand, so I won’t ask about the end of the world. (I bet it was more of its daunting thickness that scared you away as opposed to the actual story itself.)
Are you still intrigued by seemingly irrelevant matters about the obscurest of the obscure? No matter, we all know the world’s livelihood thrives on such information anyhow.
Do you still wear that elastic black hair band around your wrist 24/7? I thought so. You better learn to live with that one, though I have a feeling you already have.
How’s the love life going? Something tells me you still prefer it to be bland than anything else. Have you professed your affection to anyone yet, or are you still too scarred from the last time that happened? Do you still believe in true love and soul mates but abhor the idea of “true love at first sight?” Yes, my thoughts exactly.
But while we are on the subject of love, how has the writing been? Have you written that book yet? How about that story? Do you still keep that tattered notebook or have you finally run out of pages and started a new one?
Well, I suppose that has been enough rambling from me. Time will pass, and I know you’ll be looking back, wondering where all those years have gone. I hope in the meantime, this year in between us, you have accomplished all that you have wanted to, lived your life to the fullest extent, explored the glories of the mountains in the distance, and dared to aspire to become more than what you already are. I hope you have done some positive things with your life and have made a difference in someone else’s along the way. Mostly though, I hope you’ve found a new level of confidence in yourself. Stop thinking so negatively. I really hate that.
Always,
Your past self
P.S. Merry Christmas.