Snoop Dogg Is Gay
“You know,” Matt laughs softly, his smile spreading wider as he looked at the uneasy looking man, “...gay, you know, a Queen.” Matt flopped his hand forward once more and wiggled his hips while still seated in the chair, offering his come hither eyes only to laugh once more as he earned another uneasy glance from Gerard.
Coughing softly and casually slipping his chair back just a few inches Gerard looked at Matt out of the corner of his eyes before slipping back a few more inches just to be sure. “I really have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about. Even if it were true - I wouldn’t say so, you know, just in case.”
“In case of what? What will he really do? Really?” Shaking his head Matt scoots his chair closer to Gerard and did his hand flop once more.
“He could uh, I don’t know, bust a cap in your ass or whatever it is they do... its Snoop Dog, you don’t call him gay okay? I don’t care if he’s walking down Pride Street in Frankie of Hollywood lingerie with a dildo sticking out of his ass; selling his own brand of wiggity wiggity Astroglide... you just don’t do it.” Despite himself Gerard couldn’t help but start to smirk and laugh along as the image stuck in his head.
“See, you know it’s true... what if I was sticking out of his ass, would you believe me then?”
“...you’d be dangling out of his ass, you’re pretty short and he’s really tall...” Gerard burst out laughing at that mental image and gave Matt a little shove who then shoved him back. Both gripped the others biceps and started shaking one another, their bodies going from side to side.
A sharp cough broke them from their little play flight and both turned in what they hoped to be a serious fashion back towards the interviewer who looked amused but unimpressed. “So, as I was saying, the third Projekt Revolution involved Snoop Dog, why do you think the tour has taken a direction that places less emphasis on hip hop and r&b?”
Walking out of the room Gerard pushed Matt gently into a wall and laughed as he went face first into a message board as he pressed the call button for an elevator. “You know, she’s going to print that, and you’re going to be dead.”
“We’ll die together, in a hail of bullets...” Matt smirked and dived into the elevator, trying to push the door buttons to make them close but Gerard swooped in anyway just as they pressed together, giving Matt another shove.
“Why would I die?” He asked as he turned to face the mirror and check his hair briefly as his hand slid down to his pocket, checking he still had his cigarette carton tucked neatly inside the tight pockets.
“You inferred that he walks around in expensive, slutty lingerie with dildos out of his ass.” Matt pointed out, leaning back against the wall of the elevator and smiling at the other man, his hands slipping into his pockets as his eyes travelled southwards slowly, admiring the other just briefly before snapping his eyes back up when he heard an outraged gasp.
“...I didn’t did I? I said even if he did, not that he did...”
“Doesn’t matter, you dissed him. You dissed him big style man... he’s gonna come with his housies-”
“-Homies.” Gerard snorted, shaking his head.
“What?”
“It’s homies, not housies you idiot...” Gerard gave him another little shove as he stepped aside for a stern looking business woman to step onto the elevator.
Matt shook his head, “Naw, see, you’re just not hip to the street... I have it on good authority that it’s housies now... too many cracker asses using homies so they made it housies, it’s like no one says bling anymore.”
“Whoever your good authority is - is an idiot. Homies is a term of endearment because home is where the heart is, love. Don’t get yourself confused.” Gerard smirked and ruffled up Matt’s hair as the woman turned to look at them with a curious expression before turning back to the front of the elevator.
“Aw, am I your love? Gerard I never knew!” Matt pounces upon him in the elevator, hugging him close and rubbing his face against his chest as his hands slipped down to grab his ass. “Dump that dyke and we’ll run away to Canada or something where it’s beautiful and no one has guns or hate and unicorns live there.” He looks up with a grin, “It’s a magical place Gerard! Some of them even think they’re French!”
“Easy...” Gerard frowned a little.
“Easy? What are you doing? Spotting my insults?” Matt laughed as the elevator pinged as they hit ground floor and Gerard pauses momentarily before pushing him away and laughing as they walked out of the building, Gerard immediately sliding out his American Eagles and lighting up as Matt tutted and then took one, lighting up from the cherry of Gerard’s cigarette, their eyes meeting for a moment before both took a step back in what both hoped was a casual fashion. “You know, uh - it wouldn’t be completely awful if you didn’t go home right away. I mean, it would annoy the hell out of me because you’re insufferable but we could maybe go get some dinner if you’re hungry.” Matt murmured as he blew some smoke out of the side of his lips, his eyes sliding over Gerard’s body once more as he mentally berated himself for seriously thinking about nailing a married, supposedly straight - despite rumours - man.
Laughing Gerard flicked the end of his cigarette and shrugged, “I don’t know, I’m not sure if I want to run the risk of having to avoid twenty-five to life when I stab you in the face with a dinner fork... repeatedly.”
“You’re so violent - it’s creepy. Really creepy, like, you know, how you’re wearing a hoody and sunglasses? That’s just... creepy and pretentious. You’re so pretentious Gerard.”
“...it’s sunny but there’s a chill in the air so I wear the appropriate clothing. Not all of us want to look like Woody from Toy Story all the time.” Smirking Gerard took another drag and watched the traffic go by, only to jump when a cab driver slammed on his horn.
“Hey, are you alright?” Matt touched his forearm, grinning. “You look pretty-“
“Don’t. Even. I really will stab you, that wasn’t an idle threat, that was a promise cowboy.” As the paper burnt to the filter Gerard tossed the cigarette into a trash can after stubbing it out fully on the side, glaring playfully at Matt.
“Alright, alright low blow I suppose- but- do I really look like Woody?” Matt asked, looking down at himself.
“Yes.” Gerard stepped out onto the sidewalk and put his hand out for a cab which drove past. Sighing he tried for another, never really getting the hang of what it was that made cab drivers stop for you.
“Well, you...look...like...uh, a poor imitation of...yourself!”
“How does that even work?” Gerard asked as he managed to get a cab to stop and climbed in.