Everyone comes down on me when I struggle with my own defense

May 18, 2005 01:28

I was doing exactly what I said I wouldn't do, falling back into that old pattern with him. I couldn't help it, whenever Angel got hurt logic just flew straight out the window. Okay, whenever Angel did anything my logic tended to be entirely too absent. The only way I'd ever solved that problem was when we were apart from eachother, when I didn't ( Read more... )

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wickedbuff July 3 2005, 22:56:25 UTC
Everything was moving so quickly and it'd been so long since Angel's cold touch had parted my thighs that I had a hard time grappling with it. A hard time until his cool tongue pressed into my sweetest spot illiciting a loud low groan from my throat. One I hadn't heard in a very long time. Oh sure, I'd had lots of sex since Angel. Probably too much sex, I was all with the sex Buffy and okay that just sounded bad. But having Angel touch me again it just...it brought everything around full circle. That loss of control I used to feel whenever he touched me.

And I never wanted him to stop.

My fingers tightened on the counter as he swung my legs up and over his shoulders and I had to be careful not to squeeze too hard and pop his head right off. Hey, you'd be surprised where I had muscles, and he was making me feel so intensely good I was afraid that the top of my head might really explode when I finally came. Which was going to be soon if he kept going the way he was going.

It was frustrating that I couldn't have him have him the way that I'd had him that one time. That one time which would never repeat itself because of all of the consequences that followed it. But we were going to find a way around that and it was frustrating within itself. Because I wanted him now. So desperately.

Leaning my head against the cabinets I peered at him through half-closed eyes and a subtle whine escaped through my throat at the sight of him pushing me further and further. Wanting me, needing me. The way things were supposed to be. And God someone stop me from making rhyming couplets in my head when I'm getting off care of the person vampire I wanted more than I'd ever wanted anything else before.

With some force I managed to pull my legs down from his shoulders. I wanted it, the release- I did and I knew he'd make sure that I had it. More than that, I wanted him even if I couldn't have him completely.

Wrapping my fingers around his shirt I pulled him to me violently, letting my lips smash onto his. My tongue entering his mouth and lashing against fangs and blunted teeth. Rising my hips up so they grinded against him hard and fast with need so thick I thought I might choke on it.

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artofbrooding September 1 2005, 20:21:41 UTC
One second I was enjoying the pure essence that is Buffy and the next her legs are wrapped around my waste and all it would take to be inside her is pushing down a tenuous zipper. My body screams to find its way into hers but my mind reminds me of my earlier conviction, one moment with Buffy is worth everything, but giving up the chance for more than one moment isn’t. Not when all I want to do is give her everything, and I’m pretty sure Angelus, though his base need might be the same, would express his love by killing and turning her.

The thought is slightly sobering, it keeps me from falling too far into this feeling that I so desperately want to loose myself in. There will be time; I know there will be more than one moment, more than one. It only takes one and she deserves more.

Her heat is scalding, drenching the front of my black slacks and I find purchase by grabbing her hips with one hand and letting the other trail up to her back and her hair. I kiss her hard, letting her taste herself on my lips not all that surprised that she isn’t bothered by it. I press myself against her, rubbing her with my erection right where she needs it most.

“I love you,” I whisper into her neck all whilst licking and sucking at the skin there. I realize that I’m not even sure if I’ve said as much during our conversation. Sure I’d said I’d wanted her and that I needed her but had I reminded her that I loved her beyond all comprehension and reason?

She was everything, though maybe no longer the center of my universe, which really had been an unfair place to put her, she was still so much a part of me that the thought of a forever without her, or at least as much of a forever as she could give me? I couldn’t imagine it, not when she was right here, moaning against me.

Every time she was near me, every time I kissed her I wondered how I’d ever thought I could go without her? Live without her, as much as a vampire could live that is, without her I was merely existing, even at my happiest, even when my beautiful baby boy was in my arms there was still something inherit to me that I was missing, and I’d known. I’d always known that it was her I needed.

She was grinding against me and hell if I wasn’t close to coming from feeling her so close and still so far, her essence filling my senses, her lips, all of it. Maybe it was the fact that I’d been starved for Buffy for years, since the day that only I can remember, even before because that day’s senses were dulled by a mortal system, but I was close enough to the edge myself, my hand abandoned her hip and easily found it’s way between us, slipping to fingers inside her and rubbing circles across her clit with my thumb.

“Come for me Buffy.” I murmured into her ear.

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wickedbuff September 4 2005, 06:13:39 UTC
I was keenly aware just how dangerous a game we were playing and for that one moment I really could care less. His face buried in my hair and I could hear the words that I knew so well but it'd been so long since I'd heard them coming from his mouth. He loved me. I knew, without him even saying it I knew but the actual confirmation was almost enough to send me sailing right over the edge.

My back pressed against the cabinets, my ass scooting further across the smooth marble as my legs wrapped around his waist kept me centered and still. He was so hard and ready for me and I knew I was teasing him in the worst possible way ever. Grinding up against him as I tilted my head back and moaned again. I didn't care. He said he could control himself and I just had to trust that he could, right? Sure, it had been a few years since we'd last practiced but when it came to me and Angel we always seemed to fall right back into old patterns.

I pulled him closer knowing just how unfair I was being and not caring in the slightest. Tipping my head back forward, breath escaping my mouth in quick gasps, my heartbeat slowing and quickening in rapid succession, I could hear his voice in my ear. His whispered demand.

Reaching my arms around I dug my fingernails into his back, pulled him impossibly close as I felt the moment take hold. My mouth opened and I smashed my mouth to his again, letting go of a string of muttered nonsense into his mouth along with gasps and moans as I finally hit that peak. For a minute I really was afraid that my whole head would explode, but it wasn't my head at all.

Letting my head loll back a little by the time I finally let my climax wash over me, I tilted my chin back down and looked at him, eyes wide and eager and cheeks flushed. The look on his face made a sheepish smile take hold of my face for a minute before the sheepishness finally faded away.

"I love you."

As soon as I said it my smile broke into a grin. This was happiness, at least for now and I was determined to enjoy it.

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artofbrooding October 5 2005, 20:00:37 UTC
I was certain she was trying to kill me, if I'd thought Buffy could drive me to near madness before I obviously had forgotten exactly how it felt to be this close to her. Memories of my time with Buffy are burned into my brain. There were times I wished I could forget because it seemed like the easiest thing to do. If you forget you don't know what your missing.

I moved my fingers inside her, drawing her out until she came apart in my arms. I watched her fall over the edge and then come back down. She was arguably the most beautiful thing I'd seen in my entire 250 years.

I was till painfully hard but I wasn't too concerned about it, it was best not to tempt fate at this juncture. I just held her and watched her, her skin glowing with a fine sheen of sweat. God she was beautiful.

She finally came to her senses and looked at me with that half shy grin that I wasn't sure I'd ever see again after all the things she's been through in her life. But there it was, I couldn't stand to think of that look never being on her face again.

She said she loved me and I grinned an impossibly goofy grin that I couldn't seem to remove from my face.

"I love you too."

I leaned in and kissed her softly. Buffy was like a drug and I'd been addicted from the first taste. I'd literally been starved for her for too many years and I didn't intend to let that happen ever again. I'd stay with her till she hated me enough to make me leave, and even then I wasn't sure I'd be able to go. She wasn't getting rid of me this time.

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