(no subject)
Hey
I cannot believe i haven't updated in almost a week, i warned you school would do that to me. For anyone who's shrinking away from my layout, you should be told i'm still working on it, it's not the final thing. Seriously, green is not my colour, i think that's the last thing i tried doing. I changed it from S2 to S1, so i can't get hold of that burgandy colour again and i'm stuck with lepreacan greens and sky bluies, yeuch!
I found out that i will be leaving high school in around three months and will be taking my exams in four. I keep repeating it over and over, and i thought it was beginning to sink in, but obviously not as i say it/type is so very casually. I want to revise so much that when the day comes i'll be listening to music or just chilling out, i'll be so confident. But first i'm gonna get two courseworks outta the way, then i'm into revision mode, you probably weon't hear from me as much, but if i get a chance i'll take a looky at your journals. I've applied for two places so far, ones a college, the others a sixth form. I have little idea where the two are. I'm trying to get hold of another application form, but am having a little difficulty. A few nights ago i sat down and looked over all the different career information i had requested from our careers advisor. I didn't change my mind, if only i got a little more determined on becoming a lawyer. But i'm a little worried on two things, 1) going half way then failing and 2)not knowing how to become a lawyer, what courses to choose and such. I think that i can get the grades. I'm looking for all passes, hopefully B and above, but i might get a handful of Cs, which won't be too bad.
I've got my dad angry with me again, i'm really worried, it happens so often, this morning i was just in a weird moody mood, and was pretty quiet, i did something which pissed off my parents. So my moms gone off to my grans with my sisters and brothers and dad's stayed home with me. You see they can't leave me home alone, no real idea why, i don't do anything. We were planning to go together, but like all things i messed it up. Its hard when you annoy and hurt people without meaning to and don't know what to say. I'm so used to it, it's getting ridiculously pathetic. This weekends been a mess, i was hoping to get loads done and outta the way, and i suppose i have, but i just can't push myself to do things properly. I keep crying about random stuff.
I love it when you put the washing outside, and minutes later the rain comes in bucket-fuls, or rather hailstones like this morning and you rush out to grab them. Your fingers go nubm and you can't see through the rain, it gives me a sense of freedom. Getting wet it annoying and disgusting when i'm in my school uniform. But when i'm wearing old stuff, and i get wet i feel sorta radiant, refreshed standing near the fire trying to feel my fingers again. But i don't want it to happen so my mom and dad rush out and get soaked, coz they're both get ill easily.
This morning when my mom sorta told me dad was pissed off, and wasn't talking to me. She said something that hurt, but i should've been prepared for. Coz my dad's a heart patient, we have to be careful not to agitate him or anger him coz he gets a lot of pain mainly in his chest. It upsets us all so fuckin much, it's unfair. Well my mom, just said, don't do this to us, i'm warning you not to mess this up for us. Meaning don't mess up my family, which didn't include me. I know that probably wouldn't annoy anyone else, but i get a lot of comments, like someone close, who i love, depend on, trust, when angry tells me several times that she wishes i went to school and had an accident and never came back, so the family could be at peace, another told me that he was the only one who loved me, everyone else in the family despised me and would turn on me soon, i belived him, like 13 year olds do. Before you start thinking bad things about me, let me make sure you know a few things, which are my self rules: no sex before marriage, no dating or even liking boys, no drugs, absolutely no drink, never smoking. I've kept every single one except liking someone, but i somehow forces myself outta it. So it couldn't have been something special. I expect to keep these rules forever. Although i'm not a sex-maniac, i'm fine with people who do that stuff, i try not to judge people. And so far, i've only met a few people i've disliked because of their habits.
Ain't i depressing today?
I cannot believe i haven't updated in almost a week, i warned you school would do that to me. For anyone who's shrinking away from my layout, you should be told i'm still working on it, it's not the final thing. Seriously, green is not my colour, i think that's the last thing i tried doing. I changed it from S2 to S1, so i can't get hold of that burgandy colour again and i'm stuck with lepreacan greens and sky bluies, yeuch!
I found out that i will be leaving high school in around three months and will be taking my exams in four. I keep repeating it over and over, and i thought it was beginning to sink in, but obviously not as i say it/type is so very casually. I want to revise so much that when the day comes i'll be listening to music or just chilling out, i'll be so confident. But first i'm gonna get two courseworks outta the way, then i'm into revision mode, you probably weon't hear from me as much, but if i get a chance i'll take a looky at your journals. I've applied for two places so far, ones a college, the others a sixth form. I have little idea where the two are. I'm trying to get hold of another application form, but am having a little difficulty. A few nights ago i sat down and looked over all the different career information i had requested from our careers advisor. I didn't change my mind, if only i got a little more determined on becoming a lawyer. But i'm a little worried on two things, 1) going half way then failing and 2)not knowing how to become a lawyer, what courses to choose and such. I think that i can get the grades. I'm looking for all passes, hopefully B and above, but i might get a handful of Cs, which won't be too bad.
I've got my dad angry with me again, i'm really worried, it happens so often, this morning i was just in a weird moody mood, and was pretty quiet, i did something which pissed off my parents. So my moms gone off to my grans with my sisters and brothers and dad's stayed home with me. You see they can't leave me home alone, no real idea why, i don't do anything. We were planning to go together, but like all things i messed it up. Its hard when you annoy and hurt people without meaning to and don't know what to say. I'm so used to it, it's getting ridiculously pathetic. This weekends been a mess, i was hoping to get loads done and outta the way, and i suppose i have, but i just can't push myself to do things properly. I keep crying about random stuff.
I love it when you put the washing outside, and minutes later the rain comes in bucket-fuls, or rather hailstones like this morning and you rush out to grab them. Your fingers go nubm and you can't see through the rain, it gives me a sense of freedom. Getting wet it annoying and disgusting when i'm in my school uniform. But when i'm wearing old stuff, and i get wet i feel sorta radiant, refreshed standing near the fire trying to feel my fingers again. But i don't want it to happen so my mom and dad rush out and get soaked, coz they're both get ill easily.
This morning when my mom sorta told me dad was pissed off, and wasn't talking to me. She said something that hurt, but i should've been prepared for. Coz my dad's a heart patient, we have to be careful not to agitate him or anger him coz he gets a lot of pain mainly in his chest. It upsets us all so fuckin much, it's unfair. Well my mom, just said, don't do this to us, i'm warning you not to mess this up for us. Meaning don't mess up my family, which didn't include me. I know that probably wouldn't annoy anyone else, but i get a lot of comments, like someone close, who i love, depend on, trust, when angry tells me several times that she wishes i went to school and had an accident and never came back, so the family could be at peace, another told me that he was the only one who loved me, everyone else in the family despised me and would turn on me soon, i belived him, like 13 year olds do. Before you start thinking bad things about me, let me make sure you know a few things, which are my self rules: no sex before marriage, no dating or even liking boys, no drugs, absolutely no drink, never smoking. I've kept every single one except liking someone, but i somehow forces myself outta it. So it couldn't have been something special. I expect to keep these rules forever. Although i'm not a sex-maniac, i'm fine with people who do that stuff, i try not to judge people. And so far, i've only met a few people i've disliked because of their habits.
Ain't i depressing today?