To my beautiful boys
My little Bubby and Monkey,
I love you both so much. It's unreal. Of all the things in my life that I've gone through, that I hate, that I'm proud of..you two are what mean the most to me. You're both my beautiful little men and I couldn't be any more proud of you. Nothing in this life or the next that you decide to do will ever make me love you less. I don't care if you're straight, gay, jock, "freak"..you could paint yourself purple and prance around in a tutu screaming I'm a banana and I would still love you and be proud. You both make me so happy. I love you. Plain and simple. No matter what you decide you're future needs to be. Please just try not to get wrapped up in drugs..trust me, they're not worth it. AT ALL. If you're straight, try not to get a girl pregnant. Most things you make bad decisions about won't follow you for ever, but a child will. If a girl says she's on birth control, never believe her and wrap it!!! If you're gay, wrap it!!! STDs and HIV are high amoung gay communities. Please just be smart. Be my smart boys. All decisions can have different outcomes, but a child or an STD are permanent. And know that most of all, I love you, believe in you, no matter what. However...do NOT make me a grandma before I'm 50! I love you and I'm sorry. If you're reading this, then something happened to me and you or your dad has found my livejournal account. Know that if something's happened to me, it's most likely from my drinking. I'm sorry I can't seem to control it. I'm sorry it's so out of control. I'm so sorry if it's given me liver disease or if it's ended up killing me. I'm so sorry if I mixed too many pills with alcohol and it's ruined me. I'm sorry. So sorry. Drinking is my escape, my release. But I never wanted it to take me from you boys. Know that if I ever don't wake up one time, it's because I took the wrong dose of things. I don't want to kill myself, I want to be a mom to you, my beautiful boys.
I love you both so much. It's unreal. Of all the things in my life that I've gone through, that I hate, that I'm proud of..you two are what mean the most to me. You're both my beautiful little men and I couldn't be any more proud of you. Nothing in this life or the next that you decide to do will ever make me love you less. I don't care if you're straight, gay, jock, "freak"..you could paint yourself purple and prance around in a tutu screaming I'm a banana and I would still love you and be proud. You both make me so happy. I love you. Plain and simple. No matter what you decide you're future needs to be. Please just try not to get wrapped up in drugs..trust me, they're not worth it. AT ALL. If you're straight, try not to get a girl pregnant. Most things you make bad decisions about won't follow you for ever, but a child will. If a girl says she's on birth control, never believe her and wrap it!!! If you're gay, wrap it!!! STDs and HIV are high amoung gay communities. Please just be smart. Be my smart boys. All decisions can have different outcomes, but a child or an STD are permanent. And know that most of all, I love you, believe in you, no matter what. However...do NOT make me a grandma before I'm 50! I love you and I'm sorry. If you're reading this, then something happened to me and you or your dad has found my livejournal account. Know that if something's happened to me, it's most likely from my drinking. I'm sorry I can't seem to control it. I'm sorry it's so out of control. I'm so sorry if it's given me liver disease or if it's ended up killing me. I'm so sorry if I mixed too many pills with alcohol and it's ruined me. I'm sorry. So sorry. Drinking is my escape, my release. But I never wanted it to take me from you boys. Know that if I ever don't wake up one time, it's because I took the wrong dose of things. I don't want to kill myself, I want to be a mom to you, my beautiful boys.