The New Me
I'm crying crimson tears again.
I don't want to be here. But I have no where to go. Being with Josh was when I was happy.
But he and can never be. Not ever. Jared has decided to stop seeing me. Because he's too damaged to love anyone right now. Too damaged? He's never seen damaged. I'm working on crying crimson tears for my right arm next. It's getting hard to cover. I don't care. Kenny got married. Good for him. Maybe he'll finally be able to just be with Deleena and not need other girls now. I can't take any more broken hearts. I can't. Kenny. Josh. Jared. Coral. They all fucked with my head. And have all left scars I can't hide. I covered Kenny's tattoo on my ankle. It almost feels like he never was even there. Coral and I don't talk. I keep coming between her and her girlfriend. Josh wants me to move in with him and his wife. I'm going to. I'm going to be alone the rest of my life. So I might as well be with the man I've loved forever. Be his secret from his wife in her own house. But I don't think she minds.
My heart hurts. Every day. Every hour. Every minute. Of every damn day. The only thing that numbs the ach I feel is the crimson on my arm. Every time I think of Jared I vomit. I've thrown up the last four days. Lost 5lbs already. I miss Josh. I can't eve remember Kenny. Char wants a second chance with me. But she lives 18 hours away. Usless. I'm useless. Jared told me we could still fuck. That it was okay. I'm tired of people telling me that's all I'm worth. I'm worth more than that. But no one sees it. So why should I keep trying to believe it?
I don't want to be here. But I have no where to go. Being with Josh was when I was happy.
But he and can never be. Not ever. Jared has decided to stop seeing me. Because he's too damaged to love anyone right now. Too damaged? He's never seen damaged. I'm working on crying crimson tears for my right arm next. It's getting hard to cover. I don't care. Kenny got married. Good for him. Maybe he'll finally be able to just be with Deleena and not need other girls now. I can't take any more broken hearts. I can't. Kenny. Josh. Jared. Coral. They all fucked with my head. And have all left scars I can't hide. I covered Kenny's tattoo on my ankle. It almost feels like he never was even there. Coral and I don't talk. I keep coming between her and her girlfriend. Josh wants me to move in with him and his wife. I'm going to. I'm going to be alone the rest of my life. So I might as well be with the man I've loved forever. Be his secret from his wife in her own house. But I don't think she minds.
My heart hurts. Every day. Every hour. Every minute. Of every damn day. The only thing that numbs the ach I feel is the crimson on my arm. Every time I think of Jared I vomit. I've thrown up the last four days. Lost 5lbs already. I miss Josh. I can't eve remember Kenny. Char wants a second chance with me. But she lives 18 hours away. Usless. I'm useless. Jared told me we could still fuck. That it was okay. I'm tired of people telling me that's all I'm worth. I'm worth more than that. But no one sees it. So why should I keep trying to believe it?