(no subject)
This past week has been ridiculous. I've been in such a bad mood and just constantly depressed in a weird way that I've never really experienced before. So much in my life is changing and I'm not the kind of person that likes change.
Once in a while a change comes that I really like... but those are usually the changes that I've been wanting and looking forward to. Those are changes that I have the chance to get prepared for and get used to in advance. Leaving Clemson was one of those good changes that I looked forward to. Still its hard to realize that the change has occured. It's hard to get past that mentality that my time at home is ticking away.... I'm used to living here with this deadline in front of me of when I have to go back to Clemson. It's hard to relax and realize that I don't ever have to go back. I'm not used to being able to relax and not have to make the most of every second of my time. I'm stuck in the mentality that if I'm not having a supercool night that I'm wasting precious time.
Most of the changes lately have been the kind that knock me off my feet and leave me scared and frustrated. That would be the leaving Guilford type change. I guess me and Nick are the only ones in my family that didn't really want to leave. I know that logically speaking it was probably the right time to go, but I'm just not feeling ready. Being forced into this new church is just making me angry at everything. I guess I'm pretty angry at my mom for making it happen, but I've barely seen her lately so there haven't been any real blowouts... just a lot of me secretly stewing over my hatred of this situation. She really wants us all to love it there and be just as excited as she is... she's trying so hard but it's just annoying me. I've found very little that I like about the new church cause I really just don't want to be there. I seriously don't want to go there, but I don't really have the energy to fight it.
On top of that I had a big interview on Saturday that I was stressing about all week, plus I feel like I have a million things to do to get ready for UNCG and other stuff.
Then there have been these issues with friends popping up over the past week and I just don't even have the energy to deal with them. I don't have the energy to fight things or try to figure things out or even to be angry over things. I just want to give up and not deal with anything. I know that sounds pathetic, but I don't feel like trying to make it sound better.
Once in a while a change comes that I really like... but those are usually the changes that I've been wanting and looking forward to. Those are changes that I have the chance to get prepared for and get used to in advance. Leaving Clemson was one of those good changes that I looked forward to. Still its hard to realize that the change has occured. It's hard to get past that mentality that my time at home is ticking away.... I'm used to living here with this deadline in front of me of when I have to go back to Clemson. It's hard to relax and realize that I don't ever have to go back. I'm not used to being able to relax and not have to make the most of every second of my time. I'm stuck in the mentality that if I'm not having a supercool night that I'm wasting precious time.
Most of the changes lately have been the kind that knock me off my feet and leave me scared and frustrated. That would be the leaving Guilford type change. I guess me and Nick are the only ones in my family that didn't really want to leave. I know that logically speaking it was probably the right time to go, but I'm just not feeling ready. Being forced into this new church is just making me angry at everything. I guess I'm pretty angry at my mom for making it happen, but I've barely seen her lately so there haven't been any real blowouts... just a lot of me secretly stewing over my hatred of this situation. She really wants us all to love it there and be just as excited as she is... she's trying so hard but it's just annoying me. I've found very little that I like about the new church cause I really just don't want to be there. I seriously don't want to go there, but I don't really have the energy to fight it.
On top of that I had a big interview on Saturday that I was stressing about all week, plus I feel like I have a million things to do to get ready for UNCG and other stuff.
Then there have been these issues with friends popping up over the past week and I just don't even have the energy to deal with them. I don't have the energy to fight things or try to figure things out or even to be angry over things. I just want to give up and not deal with anything. I know that sounds pathetic, but I don't feel like trying to make it sound better.