The Neglected Virtue - Non-JRock, Kingdom Hearts II/358/2 Days, Axel/Roxas (Part II)
Title: The Neglected Virtue
Author: Kagome
Prompt: “Veracity, or the habit of speaking the truth, is a virtue.” - Leslie Walker.
Warnings: language, angst, sarcasm, short-lived fluff, very vague allusions to sex, major, major spoilers for KH 358/2 Days, Chain of Memories, and KHII.
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Axel/Roxas
Disclaimer: Standard disclaimer applies.
Summary: Perhaps he thinks that if he shields him - and shields himself - from the truth, he’ll get to hold onto him just a little longer.
Comments: Oh, gosh. I think this is my longest KH fic to date. Mind you, the events within it take place throughout Chain of Memories, 358/2 Days, and KHII. I have not yet played 358/2 Days, but plan on doing so when it comes out in English. Many thanks to roterhimmel for putting spoilers on her LJ, and many thanks to gold_panner, for without her translations to several scenes, I would be so very lost. If you don’t mind being spoiled, by all means, proceed. If you do mind, bookmark this and save it for after you’ve played the game. ^_^ Dedicated to _defyingtheodds (the Roxas to my Axel XD) and to catsmeow2003, because they encouraged this, whether they know it or not. *LOL* ENJOY~!
Back to Part I
They’re kicked out of their makeshift Paradise before Axel can truly prepare himself for it. Xion, questioning her existence, leaves the Organization, reportedly following some stranger in black (and oh, isn’t that a big hint). It is, of course, viewed as a betrayal, but Roxas doesn’t see it as such. He fights for her-argues that she has every right to know why she’s here and what she is, and when he fights for her sake, he reminds Axel a little more of Sora.
He receives orders to go find Xion and bring her back, so Xemnas can decide what to do with her. Axel imagines imprisonment is probably one of the top possibilities, if not death or being turned into a Dusk.
But the Organization needs her, so Xemnas has said, and Axel thinks that perhaps she will be spared after all.
When they’re alone again, Roxas demands to know if Axel plans on following the orders he’s received, and Axel smiles, telling his best friend - and maybe more than that - that he’ll make it look like he’s following orders, without really following them. He’ll protect her, he tells Roxas. He’ll take care of both of them.
It’s a lie, but Roxas looks at him with trust shining in his eyes and it’s like a fucking knife to the chest gut.
They corner her in Twilight Town-or rather, Roxas corners her in Twilight Town. He begs her to come back; he tells her that he knows Saix’s accusations regarding her ‘betrayal’ aren’t true, and he tells her that he and Axel have been looking for her.
For a moment, she falters, and Axel can hear the low notes of what-would-have-been-but-isn’t sadness in her voice as she tells Roxas that she can’t come back. When she lifts her Keyblade, Axel can feel the little house of cards he’s worked so hard to build shift, teetering precariously on the edge of its foundation. The storm’s coming, and there’s no stopping it. It’ll wipe out everything in its path.
Acting recklessly, he intervenes before she can say too much, before she can ruin everything without meaning to.
One of his chakrams and his words distract her-set her after him instead of Roxas. The struggle is brief, and Axel emerges the victor, having knocked her out with a quick hit to one of her pressure points.
Axel has an armful of Xion and Roxas tells him to wait, tells him to stop; Roxas reaches for him, but he opens a portal to darkness before Roxas can touch him.
The look in Roxas’ eyes screams confusion and what just might be betrayal.
The first card falls.
The truth of the matter is this: Good things - real, genuine, wonderful things - don’t last. Not for them.
~*~
You are the saddest sight I know…
“Why did you bring me back here?” she demands, and there’s a catch in her voice and Axel hates it-hates that he couldn’t just let her be, hates that he couldn’t let her find the answers she’s been so desperately seeking.
And if she would have left and not come back… if they hadn’t found her… no more threat, right?
But then Roxas would have worried about her, and maybe Axel would have, too, in his own way.
Roxas. Of course he’s going to want to know what the hell is going on. Axel doesn’t know what he’s going to say-can’t begin to work out how to explain it, how to lie to cover all of this ridiculousness up.
“Superior’s orders,” he tells Xion, like that explains it all and makes everything better in some way. He wishes that Xemnas and Saix would hurry up and get here already so he will no longer have to see that hurt look in her eyes and hear that stupid catch in her voice. Looks like would-be tears and sounds like would-be tears, but can’t be. Empty shells - fakes - can’t cry.
Except Roxas. He’s a special case, given that his heart is still out there, beating within Sora’s chest.
“That’s your favorite answer, I think,” she says lowly, words barely audible. “You won’t tell me anything-you keep everything a secret, and then tell me I’m your friend. You do it to him, too, and he cares about you so much. Can’t you at least be fully honest with him, if not with me?”
The words may as well be a strike from her Keyblade; they sting, and they give him pause. For a moment (and a fleeting one), he considers giving her the answers that she seeks, even though he knows the horrible truth of it all won’t be what she’ll want to hear. He considers telling her that she is a puppet on strings, just like Roxas (just like all of them). He considers telling her that she is a fake, a replica of Sora meant to make Roxas obsolete.
He considers telling Roxas what’s been going on since day one and then perhaps begging for forgiveness. He considers (not for the first time) going to Roxas and suggesting that the two of them get the hell out of this mess.
The thoughts are gone between one eyeblink and the next and he replies, coldly, “Afraid not. Mission and all, you know. Can’t betray the Organization.”
“You betray those more important to you,” she argues, a sinking ship that refuses to go down without a fight. She sounds eerily like Naminé, and maybe that’s appropriate. She is trapped too, after all. “You act like you care about your orders more than you care about anything and anyone else and I know that isn’t true.”
She knows too much for her own good, but Axel doesn’t tell her that.
He doesn’t reply and she continues, even softer, “I just wanted to belong. You and Roxas made me feel like I did. Like I had a place. I don’t remember ever belonging, before. I wanted to stay with you.”
But you left, he wants to say, but bites it back, because the look in her eyes makes him resist the urge to blurt that particular accusation out.
Instead, he replies, “I know,” and leaves it at that, because there is nothing else left to say.
And even if the sorrow in her eyes isn’t real, it’s a pretty damn good imitation.
The truth of the matter is this: He feels sorry for this girl.
Or at least he would if he were capable of it.
~*~
Quote
We never talk
Unquote
“What in the hell was that all about?” Roxas asks as soon as Axel sees him again, and he’s equal parts fury and confusion. Axel already has a headache-he really doesn’t know how to deal with this right now.
Kissing Roxas to shut him up (and to hear him make those cute little noises he makes sometimes when they kiss) seems like a pretty good idea initially, but Axel thinks better of it when he looks at Roxas’ expression again.
So, perhaps the kissing will have to wait. There’s that sinking feeling in Axel’s stomach again as he visualizes another few cards falling out of their places.
“I did what I had to do,” he answers (and that much, at least, is the full truth). “Don’t worry-Xion is safe.” For now. He can’t guarantee that she’ll be safe within the next five minutes, though.
“You don’t give me straight answers,” Roxas says in an accusatory tone, and for once, he sounds genuinely frustrated with Axel’s dodgy replies. “You tell me one thing and do another, and it shouldn’t be like this, Axel, should it? We’re best friends, aren’t we?”
“That’s not the point,” Axel replies, looking away. “You weren’t going to do anything, so I had to.”
Roxas stares at him without speaking, and Axel feels the tension seeping in-tension that’s never been there between them before. Axel doesn’t like it.
The cards keep falling and the figurative thread between them, connecting them, is suddenly nearly unbearably tight.
The truth of the matter is this: Sooner, rather than later, his house of cards will be gone and the thread will snap, and what will he be left with, then?
Nothing at all.
~*~
Where did I go wrong?
I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
Xion goes missing again shortly thereafter (and of course Axel gets all the blame), and the shit really hits the fan, then. A meeting is called, and Xemnas tells the entire Organization (or what’s left of it) what Xion truly is, and again, Axel is given orders to bring her back.
He carefully avoids Roxas’ gaze through the entire meeting, and he says nothing in regards to his orders. He neither verbally accepts nor denies the mission, but all of them knows what his answer is. He doesn’t want to be turned into a Dusk, or worse.
Roxas confronts him after the meeting, wanting answers that Axel cannot give. He asks why Axel intends to follow the orders given to him; he asks how long Axel has known about Xion, and Axel does the only thing he knows to do: He tells Roxas that it’s his mission, that he doesn’t want to be killed; then he leaves, because he has a mission to fulfill, after all.
He comes back empty-handed, and Roxas finds him again. He’s more insistent this time.
“Where is Xion?” It’s not the first thing Axel expected to hear from him, but it’s the easiest question to answer, and Axel can answer it honestly.
“I don’t know,” he calmly tells the blonde. “I haven’t found her yet.”
“Oh. Okay.” Roxas visibly relaxes a little, and at the same time, Axel steels himself. This is only the tip of the iceberg.
And then, Roxas asks, “Did you know about Xion from the beginning, Axel?”
“… Not from the beginning,” Axel admits. The but shortly thereafter, I knew goes unspoken, because Axel has a feeling that it doesn’t really need to be said.
“What am I?” Roxas makes it sound like he already knows that Axel won’t answer him. Maybe he does know-Axel wouldn’t disbelieve it.
When Axel doesn’t answer, Roxas continues: “Xion and I are special. We aren’t like any of the other Nobodies. She can use the Keyblade and so can I, and she was created to… so that having me around wouldn’t be necessary anymore. They were planning to kill me, Axel. Isn’t that right?”
Axel bites his lip and closes his eyes. “…That’s right.” It’s the ugly truth.
“Were you in on it? Were you going to just go along with the plan to kill me, after everything we’ve been through together? After everything we’ve done?”
Axel remembers the first time Roxas kissed him, on the clock tower. Remembers the soft press of his lips and the warmth of his hands on his skin. He hurriedly answers, “No! It wasn’t like that at all! We’re best friends, Roxas.”
Roxas’ eyes narrow, as though he can’t even believe that anymore. “Then tell me the truth, Axel. Who am I? Who is Sora? What am I?”
Axel sighs and shakes his head, stomach churning unpleasantly as he presses a hand to Roxas’ cheek and Roxas jerks away from him. “Please trust me, Roxy.”
Roxas takes another step back. “I need to find out who I am, Axel, and I can’t trust you. Not anymore. You’ve been lying to me this whole time.”
“Not because I wanted to.” His words are so soft that even Axel himself can barely hear them.
The truth of the matter is this: He knows that, no matter what he does or says now, it isn’t going to be enough to make Roxas stay.
It’s too late.
~*~
And now the old things will pass away
I saw your light once
Did you see mine?
Roxas goes on a mini-rampage, and when Saix tries to stand in his way, the blonde makes it clear that he’s done taking shit from everyone else. He promptly cleans the floor with Saix, and Axel waits for him-a desperate, last-hope gesture that he knows won’t make a difference but he wants it to; he wants Roxas to know that it means something.
He wants Roxas to know that, to him, the Keyblade user means everything.
“You’ve made up your mind then? There’s no stopping you?”
“I want to know why the Keyblade chose me.” His voice is hollow, so unlike the Roxas that Axel has come to know.
“You can’t turn your back on the Organization! Get on their bad side, and they’ll destroy you, Roxas!”
Roxas, who’s been walking away from him this whole time, stops, but doesn’t look back. “No-one would miss me,” he intones before he resumes walking.
The cards all fall to the ground in a scattered mess, and the thread snaps.
“That’s not true,” Axel murmurs, not believing that Roxas would say such a thing. “I would.”
He says it like he means it.
And the truth of the matter is this: He does.
~*~
It took everything you had, but you finally broke my...
When Roxas leaves, the void within Axel seems to become a little deeper. He doesn’t smile anymore; he doesn’t laugh. He follows orders like a good little minion, trying to ignore the fact that it feels like something is missing. He knows exactly what that ‘something’ is, but he doesn’t let himself dwell on it.
He finds Xion. He thinks, stupidly, that if he can’t have Roxas, he can at least have her back. It isn’t the same-it’ll never be the same, and he knows it, but maybe her presence will be better than having nothing, nobody at all.
Or maybe having her around will only remind him of that which he’s lost.
“No matter how many times you run away, I’ll find you and bring you back,” he tells her, chakrams at the ready.
She looks at him with those sad, sad eyes of hers, like she knows--like she knows that he’s lost everything, and like she knows what’s best for all of them. She wants to leave; she wants to disappear, and Axel, for one stupid reason or another, feels that he can’t let her.
“I won’t go easy on you,” she informs him, words full of melancholy as the Keyblade manifests in her hand.
She doesn’t go easy on him, either. She gets in several fairly solid hits, but Axel refuses to let himself lose.
In the end, he brings her back to The World that Never Was, and promptly passes out.
He’s not entirely sure what transpires after that, but he is later told that Xion is no longer a threat because she’s been killed by Roxas, and that Roxas himself has been placed in a fake Twilight Town.
Suddenly, they need Roxas again, and since all of this is Axel’s fault (or so he’s told), it’s his job to retrieve his former best friend.
He doesn’t want to go, but when your life is threatened, you’re kinda forced to look at things from a different perspective.
So Axel goes to the fake Twilight Town, where he finds Roxas smiling and laughing and joking with his friends (who are as fake as the town itself), and participating in some stupid game called a ‘Struggle Tournament’. Roxas isn’t holding his Keyblade, and is instead holding some mockery of a weapon-something blue and poofy, which surely can’t cause much (if any) damage at all.
But this is child’s play and nothing more, and Axel decides to step in and spice it up just a little.
He sends in a Dusk, and there’s the Keyblade, and there’s the Roxas that he remembers, all hardened determination and lean muscle and graceful movements.
When Roxas wins, Axel claps for him. When Roxas turns to look at him, no recognition at all in those deep blue eyes, Axel’s insides turn to ice.
“You don’t remember me? It’s me, Rox. It’s Axel! You’re Number Thirteen; I have to bring you back!”
Conscious or not, right?
Of course, Roxas, being the stubborn thing he has always been, refuses to go peacefully, and when they fight, Axel remembers just how much of a punch this kid can pack.
And when the fight is over and neither of them has won, Roxas looks at him, clearly confused, and says, “I’ve never met you before.”
He doesn’t remember, and Axel recognizes this handiwork as being Naminé’s. She’s the one with the power over others’ memories. Roxas doesn’t remember him, and it’s her fault.
We were best friends, Axel wants to tell him. Maybe more than that.
But he doesn’t say it. He can’t get his voice to work.
Roxas doesn’t remember him.
The truth of the matter is this: Axel’s never experienced an ache that has seeped into his very bones…
Until now.
~*~
I have nothing left to prove
And I will live with my regrets
Roxas’ memory loss throws a wrench into the Organization’s grand plans, and throws Axel for an unexpected loop. He’d rather be faced with an angry Roxas - one still seething over his betrayal - than a Roxas who doesn’t remember anything about the Organization.
Or anything about him.
Axel half-wishes Naminé would have pity on him and work her voodoo and make him forget Roxas as well, but some part of him knows that there’s no may he’d be able to forget the blonde-haired boy. The larger part of him doesn’t want to forget, even though remembering hurts.
He goes back to the fake Twilight Town and he tries again, and this time, Roxas blurts, “We’re best friends, aren’t we?”
The words momentarily stop Axel dead in his tracks, because he remembers that the last time Roxas spoke those words, they were arguing. There is no anger or sadness in those eyes now, only confusion. It smells fishy (fakefakefake).
“What’s our boss’ name?” Axel asks him, and it’s a question that Roxas can’t answer.
He still doesn’t remember.
Roxas can’t remember, and Axel can’t forget. He remembers enough for the both of them.
He remembers the time when he almost suggested that he and Roxas run away together, and now, with bile rising in his throat because this Roxas still is not his Roxas, Axel wishes that he would have made the suggestion and taken Roxas somewhere far away, where the two of them could have been happy (or as close to it as Nobodies can get).
If he could turn back time right now, he would. He tells himself that he’d do things differently, but because he’s Axel, he imagines that he’d probably do them exactly the same, if given another chance.
The truth of the matter is this: Nobodies aren’t supposed to have regrets.
Axel, however, has quite a few of them.
~*~
The disconnecting count of days
Are fading away, THE LIVES THAT WE MADE
Tear drops will spill from your blue eyes
Intentions were wrong, I apologize
The empire is falling
Like they planned on and we lost it all
The city sleeps in flames
His third encounter with amnesia-Roxas isn’t quite like the first two. This time, Roxas says Axel’s name with a hint of recognition in his voice, like he remembers something between them, or maybe it’s just that he recalls his last two visits and nothing more.
Either way, Axel’s had enough-he feels broken and empty and he fights Roxas with all of the fury (or imagined fury) that he can muster, the floor around them erupting into flames.
And Roxas looks beautiful with the shadows of Axel’s flames dancing along his skin. He looks beautiful with sweat dripping from his bangs. He looks beautiful with his jaw set just like that and his fingers wrapped firmly around the hilts of Oblivion and Oathkeeper.
A dangerous distraction indeed, but oh how Axel has missed this.
In the end, he loses, and he does so without grace, clutching at his side and breathing heavily as he summons another portal to Darkness. He knows what’s coming now-knows that Roxas intends to find Sora, and he’s pretty sure he knows what will happen when Roxas succeeds.
Roxas won’t be Roxas anymore. He’ll be Sora.
Axel doesn’t want to stay for that. He can’t.
“Axel,” Roxas murmurs, blue eyes shining with what looks suspiciously like tears, and Axel wants to tell him, Don’t look at me like that, but he doesn’t.
Instead, he says, “Let’s meet again, in the next life.”
Roxas nods. “I’ll be waiting.”
But Axel knows that he won’t be.
“Silly. Just because you have a next life….”
It doesn’t mean their paths will cross again. Axel may meet up with Sora at some other point in time, but not with Roxas.
Knowing this makes him feel-
The truth of the matter is this: He feels emptier now than he ever has, and the space in his chest where his heart isn’t - and never was - has absolutely nothing to do with it.
~*~
This is our last chance
To make things right
Or we’re lost forever
After Roxas merges with Sora, Axel mopes around for what feels like an eternity.
And when he’s finished moping, he decides to take things into his own hands and act on an agenda entirely separate from that of the Organization. He just wants Roxas - his best friend (and maybe more) Roxas, not Keyblade Master Roxas or Number Thirteen Roxas or Twilight Town brain-befuddled Roxas - back, more than anything.
He’s playing by his own rules, now.
It’s his desire to be reunited with Roxas again (desperate times call for desperate measures) that leads him to Destiny Island and to the slim, pretty girl with auburn hair and blue eyes. This girl is Kairi, Sora’s friend, and he is going to use her to lure Sora to himself, whether she realizes it or not.
Because if he has Sora, then he has Roxas, too. Roxas is in there somewhere-it’s just a matter of drawing him out.
“We have something in common. We both miss someone we care about.”
She doesn’t trust him but he gets his way in the end (underhandedly), because he isn’t a graceful loser. He’s lost enough, and now he wants it all back.
The truth of the matter is this: He doesn’t need anybody; he needs Nobody.
One Nobody in particular, to be exact.
~*~
I’d give you everything
If there was something left
His plan goes awry in the end, which was apparently its wont, and all Axel can hope to do now is make peace, somehow.
Now, with Sora here, he knows that Sora can’t be Sora without Roxas-one exists within the other; they are two halves of a whole, and Axel can’t quite bring himself to take that away from Roxas. He can’t be selfish enough to make Roxas incomplete again.
So he decides to be unselfish for a change-decides that if he helps Sora (who is a strong kid, but the Dusks just keep coming and sooner or later, he’s going to succumb to the sheer number of them), he is also helping Roxas, and that has to count for something.
Sora’s back is pressed against his own, and it’s warm. It’s been a while since he’s felt warmth like this-Sora’s got his back and he’s got Sora’s, and that’s how it was with Roxas, too, months ago.
Until Axel went and fucked it all up, that is.
So he helps Sora-he puts his whole being into an attack that he knows he - and the Dusks, and that’s what matters - won’t survive.
Sora will, though. And he’ll fix the wrongs the Organization has committed.
The truth of the matter is this: Axel is a desperate man with nothing left to lose.
He’s already lost the one thing - the one person - that mattered (still matters), after all.
~*~
Because these are my last words
And this is my last breath
His life began in fire, so it’s only fitting that it ends in fire as well.
He apologizes to Sora-explains that all he wanted to do was see Roxas again. He tells Sora that Roxas made him feel like he had a heart, and Sora looks at him with blue eyes full of tears, and Axel thinks that maybe Roxas is still himself in there somewhere, and maybe Roxas can hear him-can hear that all of this, all that he’s done after Roxas left was done in order to hopefully get Roxas back.
His entire existence as a Nobody does not flash before his eyes. Instead, he recalls what his life was like after Roxas came into it and gave him the gifts of wonder and hope.
He remembers the first time he saw Roxas; he remembers the first mission they went on together; he remembers the first time they ate ice cream and watched the setting sun together; he remembers the first time Roxas embraced him and he remembers the first and last time Roxas kissed him. He remembers the feel of Roxas’ skin against his own; he remembers the sound of Roxas’ laughter. He remembers the way Roxas stood up for Xion when no-one else would. He remembers the last thing Roxas said to him before leaving.
He remembers feeling hollow when Roxas didn’t remember, and remembers some part of him singing with joy when Roxas did remember.
He remembers all of these things and more.
The truth of the matter is this: Above all, Axel remembers that, in an Organization full of Nobodies, Roxas was so much more.
Was everything to Axel, really.
~*~
Quote
Hey listen cos I’ll only say this once
I finally found the words that mean enough to me
Goodbye my soul
Unquote
At first, he thinks he is dreaming when he finds himself on the clock tower once more, gazing at Roxas, who is decked out in his black Organization coat, knees drawn up to his chest and forehead resting on them.
Then he remembers what he did for Sora (for Roxas), and knows that he isn’t dreaming.
Perhaps this is just some twisted game his deluded, oxygen-deprived, dying brain is playing on him in his final moment.
Even if it is, it doesn’t matter. Roxas is here, and Axel has a chance now to either make amends or to make things worse.
“Woken up, have you?” he asks, and Roxas gasps, looking up at him.
“Axel!”
This Roxas is neither the Roxas who doesn’t remember him; nor is he the Roxas who left the Organization, angry and hurt and wanting answers that Axel would never give him.
This Roxas is the Roxas whom he first shared ice cream with. This is the Roxas whom he grew ridiculously attached to; this is the Roxas whom he could be himself around; this is the Roxas whose blue eyes drew him in from the very start; this is the Roxas who kissed him without warning one late afternoon on their clock tower, lips and hands trembling, making the moment that much more endearing.
This Roxas is calm and all softness-no hard, biting edges, except for perhaps his smart-ass remarks, but Axel always liked it when Roxas was sarcastic.
This Roxas is clearly pleased to see him-clearly forgives him (already, without Axel even having to say anything) for the wrongs he’s done.
“I couldn’t find you,” Axel blurts without thinking. “I didn’t know if you could hear me. I don’t even know how long I can talk to you like this.” I’m dying, you know, Roxas. Maybe I’m already dead.
“I’m going back to how I was,” Roxas replies, still serene, peaceful, like a lazy tide rolling in.
Axel sits down beside him, not quite wanting to take his eyes off of him, fearful that he’ll disappear if Axel does so much as even blink. “Naminé told me that before, too. I’ve been thinking about it-you have a heart, don’t you?” Because you have Sora. “But Naminé and I… we don’t, do we?”
“I don’t know,” Roxas admits, like the fact that he doesn’t know is some sort of failure on his part. He starts being all philosophical, musing aloud that if the heart can’t be seen, maybe it can’t really be felt, either, and then he trails off, shaking his head, cheeks tinged pink with his embarrassment. “Nevermind.”
But Axel is curious. “What are you getting at, Rox?”
“… Sora will find the answer,” Roxas says then, no traces of doubt in his voice or in his eyes. “He will, cos he’s me.”
Axel feels his eyes soften. “Yeah, that’s right.”
They sit at the top of the clock tower and they eat ice cream, and it’s just like old times. They reminisce, and things between them are light and easy again-as easy as breathing. This is how it should be between them. This is how it always should have been.
Eventually, Roxas looks at him, placing a hand over his as he says, “I have to go. Sora is waiting for me.”
That is what his mouth says. What his eyes say is this: I’ve missed you.
“Yeah,” Axel replies, trying not to choke on the word, trying to shove it past the lump in his throat. His eyes say this: I don’t want you to go. Not again.
But Axel has to let him go, because Axel has to go, too. Roxas still has a life to live-still has Sora’s life to live. Axel does not.
“See you, Axel.” And his lips are just as soft and warm as Axel remembers.
“See you, partner.” He is sure that the single tear that falls does not go unnoticed by Roxas.
And maybe the odd, twisted, confusing thing between them couldn’t-have-been-shouldn’t-have-been love, but…
The truth of the matter is this:
It was.
~END~
----------------------------------------------
Writing this fic was… a journey. I hope it evoked as much emotion as I put into it. I hope the words sang to you-hope they made you all feel a mix of emotions.
I’m satisfied with this one. I like the way it turned out, even if I did consider screaming and pulling my hair out a time or two whilst writing.
There are various lyrics from various songs scattered about this fic. The songs include:
Evans Blue - Quote, Cold (but I’m still here), Eclipsed, A Cross and a Girl Named Blessed
Scary Kids Scaring Kids - The City Sleeps in Flames
The Fray - How to Save a Life
Thank you all for reading. ^_^
Author: Kagome
Prompt: “Veracity, or the habit of speaking the truth, is a virtue.” - Leslie Walker.
Warnings: language, angst, sarcasm, short-lived fluff, very vague allusions to sex, major, major spoilers for KH 358/2 Days, Chain of Memories, and KHII.
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Axel/Roxas
Disclaimer: Standard disclaimer applies.
Summary: Perhaps he thinks that if he shields him - and shields himself - from the truth, he’ll get to hold onto him just a little longer.
Comments: Oh, gosh. I think this is my longest KH fic to date. Mind you, the events within it take place throughout Chain of Memories, 358/2 Days, and KHII. I have not yet played 358/2 Days, but plan on doing so when it comes out in English. Many thanks to roterhimmel for putting spoilers on her LJ, and many thanks to gold_panner, for without her translations to several scenes, I would be so very lost. If you don’t mind being spoiled, by all means, proceed. If you do mind, bookmark this and save it for after you’ve played the game. ^_^ Dedicated to _defyingtheodds (the Roxas to my Axel XD) and to catsmeow2003, because they encouraged this, whether they know it or not. *LOL* ENJOY~!
Back to Part I
They’re kicked out of their makeshift Paradise before Axel can truly prepare himself for it. Xion, questioning her existence, leaves the Organization, reportedly following some stranger in black (and oh, isn’t that a big hint). It is, of course, viewed as a betrayal, but Roxas doesn’t see it as such. He fights for her-argues that she has every right to know why she’s here and what she is, and when he fights for her sake, he reminds Axel a little more of Sora.
He receives orders to go find Xion and bring her back, so Xemnas can decide what to do with her. Axel imagines imprisonment is probably one of the top possibilities, if not death or being turned into a Dusk.
But the Organization needs her, so Xemnas has said, and Axel thinks that perhaps she will be spared after all.
When they’re alone again, Roxas demands to know if Axel plans on following the orders he’s received, and Axel smiles, telling his best friend - and maybe more than that - that he’ll make it look like he’s following orders, without really following them. He’ll protect her, he tells Roxas. He’ll take care of both of them.
It’s a lie, but Roxas looks at him with trust shining in his eyes and it’s like a fucking knife to the chest gut.
They corner her in Twilight Town-or rather, Roxas corners her in Twilight Town. He begs her to come back; he tells her that he knows Saix’s accusations regarding her ‘betrayal’ aren’t true, and he tells her that he and Axel have been looking for her.
For a moment, she falters, and Axel can hear the low notes of what-would-have-been-but-isn’t sadness in her voice as she tells Roxas that she can’t come back. When she lifts her Keyblade, Axel can feel the little house of cards he’s worked so hard to build shift, teetering precariously on the edge of its foundation. The storm’s coming, and there’s no stopping it. It’ll wipe out everything in its path.
Acting recklessly, he intervenes before she can say too much, before she can ruin everything without meaning to.
One of his chakrams and his words distract her-set her after him instead of Roxas. The struggle is brief, and Axel emerges the victor, having knocked her out with a quick hit to one of her pressure points.
Axel has an armful of Xion and Roxas tells him to wait, tells him to stop; Roxas reaches for him, but he opens a portal to darkness before Roxas can touch him.
The look in Roxas’ eyes screams confusion and what just might be betrayal.
The first card falls.
The truth of the matter is this: Good things - real, genuine, wonderful things - don’t last. Not for them.
~*~
You are the saddest sight I know…
“Why did you bring me back here?” she demands, and there’s a catch in her voice and Axel hates it-hates that he couldn’t just let her be, hates that he couldn’t let her find the answers she’s been so desperately seeking.
And if she would have left and not come back… if they hadn’t found her… no more threat, right?
But then Roxas would have worried about her, and maybe Axel would have, too, in his own way.
Roxas. Of course he’s going to want to know what the hell is going on. Axel doesn’t know what he’s going to say-can’t begin to work out how to explain it, how to lie to cover all of this ridiculousness up.
“Superior’s orders,” he tells Xion, like that explains it all and makes everything better in some way. He wishes that Xemnas and Saix would hurry up and get here already so he will no longer have to see that hurt look in her eyes and hear that stupid catch in her voice. Looks like would-be tears and sounds like would-be tears, but can’t be. Empty shells - fakes - can’t cry.
Except Roxas. He’s a special case, given that his heart is still out there, beating within Sora’s chest.
“That’s your favorite answer, I think,” she says lowly, words barely audible. “You won’t tell me anything-you keep everything a secret, and then tell me I’m your friend. You do it to him, too, and he cares about you so much. Can’t you at least be fully honest with him, if not with me?”
The words may as well be a strike from her Keyblade; they sting, and they give him pause. For a moment (and a fleeting one), he considers giving her the answers that she seeks, even though he knows the horrible truth of it all won’t be what she’ll want to hear. He considers telling her that she is a puppet on strings, just like Roxas (just like all of them). He considers telling her that she is a fake, a replica of Sora meant to make Roxas obsolete.
He considers telling Roxas what’s been going on since day one and then perhaps begging for forgiveness. He considers (not for the first time) going to Roxas and suggesting that the two of them get the hell out of this mess.
The thoughts are gone between one eyeblink and the next and he replies, coldly, “Afraid not. Mission and all, you know. Can’t betray the Organization.”
“You betray those more important to you,” she argues, a sinking ship that refuses to go down without a fight. She sounds eerily like Naminé, and maybe that’s appropriate. She is trapped too, after all. “You act like you care about your orders more than you care about anything and anyone else and I know that isn’t true.”
She knows too much for her own good, but Axel doesn’t tell her that.
He doesn’t reply and she continues, even softer, “I just wanted to belong. You and Roxas made me feel like I did. Like I had a place. I don’t remember ever belonging, before. I wanted to stay with you.”
But you left, he wants to say, but bites it back, because the look in her eyes makes him resist the urge to blurt that particular accusation out.
Instead, he replies, “I know,” and leaves it at that, because there is nothing else left to say.
And even if the sorrow in her eyes isn’t real, it’s a pretty damn good imitation.
The truth of the matter is this: He feels sorry for this girl.
Or at least he would if he were capable of it.
~*~
Quote
We never talk
Unquote
“What in the hell was that all about?” Roxas asks as soon as Axel sees him again, and he’s equal parts fury and confusion. Axel already has a headache-he really doesn’t know how to deal with this right now.
Kissing Roxas to shut him up (and to hear him make those cute little noises he makes sometimes when they kiss) seems like a pretty good idea initially, but Axel thinks better of it when he looks at Roxas’ expression again.
So, perhaps the kissing will have to wait. There’s that sinking feeling in Axel’s stomach again as he visualizes another few cards falling out of their places.
“I did what I had to do,” he answers (and that much, at least, is the full truth). “Don’t worry-Xion is safe.” For now. He can’t guarantee that she’ll be safe within the next five minutes, though.
“You don’t give me straight answers,” Roxas says in an accusatory tone, and for once, he sounds genuinely frustrated with Axel’s dodgy replies. “You tell me one thing and do another, and it shouldn’t be like this, Axel, should it? We’re best friends, aren’t we?”
“That’s not the point,” Axel replies, looking away. “You weren’t going to do anything, so I had to.”
Roxas stares at him without speaking, and Axel feels the tension seeping in-tension that’s never been there between them before. Axel doesn’t like it.
The cards keep falling and the figurative thread between them, connecting them, is suddenly nearly unbearably tight.
The truth of the matter is this: Sooner, rather than later, his house of cards will be gone and the thread will snap, and what will he be left with, then?
Nothing at all.
~*~
Where did I go wrong?
I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
Xion goes missing again shortly thereafter (and of course Axel gets all the blame), and the shit really hits the fan, then. A meeting is called, and Xemnas tells the entire Organization (or what’s left of it) what Xion truly is, and again, Axel is given orders to bring her back.
He carefully avoids Roxas’ gaze through the entire meeting, and he says nothing in regards to his orders. He neither verbally accepts nor denies the mission, but all of them knows what his answer is. He doesn’t want to be turned into a Dusk, or worse.
Roxas confronts him after the meeting, wanting answers that Axel cannot give. He asks why Axel intends to follow the orders given to him; he asks how long Axel has known about Xion, and Axel does the only thing he knows to do: He tells Roxas that it’s his mission, that he doesn’t want to be killed; then he leaves, because he has a mission to fulfill, after all.
He comes back empty-handed, and Roxas finds him again. He’s more insistent this time.
“Where is Xion?” It’s not the first thing Axel expected to hear from him, but it’s the easiest question to answer, and Axel can answer it honestly.
“I don’t know,” he calmly tells the blonde. “I haven’t found her yet.”
“Oh. Okay.” Roxas visibly relaxes a little, and at the same time, Axel steels himself. This is only the tip of the iceberg.
And then, Roxas asks, “Did you know about Xion from the beginning, Axel?”
“… Not from the beginning,” Axel admits. The but shortly thereafter, I knew goes unspoken, because Axel has a feeling that it doesn’t really need to be said.
“What am I?” Roxas makes it sound like he already knows that Axel won’t answer him. Maybe he does know-Axel wouldn’t disbelieve it.
When Axel doesn’t answer, Roxas continues: “Xion and I are special. We aren’t like any of the other Nobodies. She can use the Keyblade and so can I, and she was created to… so that having me around wouldn’t be necessary anymore. They were planning to kill me, Axel. Isn’t that right?”
Axel bites his lip and closes his eyes. “…That’s right.” It’s the ugly truth.
“Were you in on it? Were you going to just go along with the plan to kill me, after everything we’ve been through together? After everything we’ve done?”
Axel remembers the first time Roxas kissed him, on the clock tower. Remembers the soft press of his lips and the warmth of his hands on his skin. He hurriedly answers, “No! It wasn’t like that at all! We’re best friends, Roxas.”
Roxas’ eyes narrow, as though he can’t even believe that anymore. “Then tell me the truth, Axel. Who am I? Who is Sora? What am I?”
Axel sighs and shakes his head, stomach churning unpleasantly as he presses a hand to Roxas’ cheek and Roxas jerks away from him. “Please trust me, Roxy.”
Roxas takes another step back. “I need to find out who I am, Axel, and I can’t trust you. Not anymore. You’ve been lying to me this whole time.”
“Not because I wanted to.” His words are so soft that even Axel himself can barely hear them.
The truth of the matter is this: He knows that, no matter what he does or says now, it isn’t going to be enough to make Roxas stay.
It’s too late.
~*~
And now the old things will pass away
I saw your light once
Did you see mine?
Roxas goes on a mini-rampage, and when Saix tries to stand in his way, the blonde makes it clear that he’s done taking shit from everyone else. He promptly cleans the floor with Saix, and Axel waits for him-a desperate, last-hope gesture that he knows won’t make a difference but he wants it to; he wants Roxas to know that it means something.
He wants Roxas to know that, to him, the Keyblade user means everything.
“You’ve made up your mind then? There’s no stopping you?”
“I want to know why the Keyblade chose me.” His voice is hollow, so unlike the Roxas that Axel has come to know.
“You can’t turn your back on the Organization! Get on their bad side, and they’ll destroy you, Roxas!”
Roxas, who’s been walking away from him this whole time, stops, but doesn’t look back. “No-one would miss me,” he intones before he resumes walking.
The cards all fall to the ground in a scattered mess, and the thread snaps.
“That’s not true,” Axel murmurs, not believing that Roxas would say such a thing. “I would.”
He says it like he means it.
And the truth of the matter is this: He does.
~*~
It took everything you had, but you finally broke my...
When Roxas leaves, the void within Axel seems to become a little deeper. He doesn’t smile anymore; he doesn’t laugh. He follows orders like a good little minion, trying to ignore the fact that it feels like something is missing. He knows exactly what that ‘something’ is, but he doesn’t let himself dwell on it.
He finds Xion. He thinks, stupidly, that if he can’t have Roxas, he can at least have her back. It isn’t the same-it’ll never be the same, and he knows it, but maybe her presence will be better than having nothing, nobody at all.
Or maybe having her around will only remind him of that which he’s lost.
“No matter how many times you run away, I’ll find you and bring you back,” he tells her, chakrams at the ready.
She looks at him with those sad, sad eyes of hers, like she knows--like she knows that he’s lost everything, and like she knows what’s best for all of them. She wants to leave; she wants to disappear, and Axel, for one stupid reason or another, feels that he can’t let her.
“I won’t go easy on you,” she informs him, words full of melancholy as the Keyblade manifests in her hand.
She doesn’t go easy on him, either. She gets in several fairly solid hits, but Axel refuses to let himself lose.
In the end, he brings her back to The World that Never Was, and promptly passes out.
He’s not entirely sure what transpires after that, but he is later told that Xion is no longer a threat because she’s been killed by Roxas, and that Roxas himself has been placed in a fake Twilight Town.
Suddenly, they need Roxas again, and since all of this is Axel’s fault (or so he’s told), it’s his job to retrieve his former best friend.
He doesn’t want to go, but when your life is threatened, you’re kinda forced to look at things from a different perspective.
So Axel goes to the fake Twilight Town, where he finds Roxas smiling and laughing and joking with his friends (who are as fake as the town itself), and participating in some stupid game called a ‘Struggle Tournament’. Roxas isn’t holding his Keyblade, and is instead holding some mockery of a weapon-something blue and poofy, which surely can’t cause much (if any) damage at all.
But this is child’s play and nothing more, and Axel decides to step in and spice it up just a little.
He sends in a Dusk, and there’s the Keyblade, and there’s the Roxas that he remembers, all hardened determination and lean muscle and graceful movements.
When Roxas wins, Axel claps for him. When Roxas turns to look at him, no recognition at all in those deep blue eyes, Axel’s insides turn to ice.
“You don’t remember me? It’s me, Rox. It’s Axel! You’re Number Thirteen; I have to bring you back!”
Conscious or not, right?
Of course, Roxas, being the stubborn thing he has always been, refuses to go peacefully, and when they fight, Axel remembers just how much of a punch this kid can pack.
And when the fight is over and neither of them has won, Roxas looks at him, clearly confused, and says, “I’ve never met you before.”
He doesn’t remember, and Axel recognizes this handiwork as being Naminé’s. She’s the one with the power over others’ memories. Roxas doesn’t remember him, and it’s her fault.
We were best friends, Axel wants to tell him. Maybe more than that.
But he doesn’t say it. He can’t get his voice to work.
Roxas doesn’t remember him.
The truth of the matter is this: Axel’s never experienced an ache that has seeped into his very bones…
Until now.
~*~
I have nothing left to prove
And I will live with my regrets
Roxas’ memory loss throws a wrench into the Organization’s grand plans, and throws Axel for an unexpected loop. He’d rather be faced with an angry Roxas - one still seething over his betrayal - than a Roxas who doesn’t remember anything about the Organization.
Or anything about him.
Axel half-wishes Naminé would have pity on him and work her voodoo and make him forget Roxas as well, but some part of him knows that there’s no may he’d be able to forget the blonde-haired boy. The larger part of him doesn’t want to forget, even though remembering hurts.
He goes back to the fake Twilight Town and he tries again, and this time, Roxas blurts, “We’re best friends, aren’t we?”
The words momentarily stop Axel dead in his tracks, because he remembers that the last time Roxas spoke those words, they were arguing. There is no anger or sadness in those eyes now, only confusion. It smells fishy (fakefakefake).
“What’s our boss’ name?” Axel asks him, and it’s a question that Roxas can’t answer.
He still doesn’t remember.
Roxas can’t remember, and Axel can’t forget. He remembers enough for the both of them.
He remembers the time when he almost suggested that he and Roxas run away together, and now, with bile rising in his throat because this Roxas still is not his Roxas, Axel wishes that he would have made the suggestion and taken Roxas somewhere far away, where the two of them could have been happy (or as close to it as Nobodies can get).
If he could turn back time right now, he would. He tells himself that he’d do things differently, but because he’s Axel, he imagines that he’d probably do them exactly the same, if given another chance.
The truth of the matter is this: Nobodies aren’t supposed to have regrets.
Axel, however, has quite a few of them.
~*~
The disconnecting count of days
Are fading away, THE LIVES THAT WE MADE
Tear drops will spill from your blue eyes
Intentions were wrong, I apologize
The empire is falling
Like they planned on and we lost it all
The city sleeps in flames
His third encounter with amnesia-Roxas isn’t quite like the first two. This time, Roxas says Axel’s name with a hint of recognition in his voice, like he remembers something between them, or maybe it’s just that he recalls his last two visits and nothing more.
Either way, Axel’s had enough-he feels broken and empty and he fights Roxas with all of the fury (or imagined fury) that he can muster, the floor around them erupting into flames.
And Roxas looks beautiful with the shadows of Axel’s flames dancing along his skin. He looks beautiful with sweat dripping from his bangs. He looks beautiful with his jaw set just like that and his fingers wrapped firmly around the hilts of Oblivion and Oathkeeper.
A dangerous distraction indeed, but oh how Axel has missed this.
In the end, he loses, and he does so without grace, clutching at his side and breathing heavily as he summons another portal to Darkness. He knows what’s coming now-knows that Roxas intends to find Sora, and he’s pretty sure he knows what will happen when Roxas succeeds.
Roxas won’t be Roxas anymore. He’ll be Sora.
Axel doesn’t want to stay for that. He can’t.
“Axel,” Roxas murmurs, blue eyes shining with what looks suspiciously like tears, and Axel wants to tell him, Don’t look at me like that, but he doesn’t.
Instead, he says, “Let’s meet again, in the next life.”
Roxas nods. “I’ll be waiting.”
But Axel knows that he won’t be.
“Silly. Just because you have a next life….”
It doesn’t mean their paths will cross again. Axel may meet up with Sora at some other point in time, but not with Roxas.
Knowing this makes him feel-
The truth of the matter is this: He feels emptier now than he ever has, and the space in his chest where his heart isn’t - and never was - has absolutely nothing to do with it.
~*~
This is our last chance
To make things right
Or we’re lost forever
After Roxas merges with Sora, Axel mopes around for what feels like an eternity.
And when he’s finished moping, he decides to take things into his own hands and act on an agenda entirely separate from that of the Organization. He just wants Roxas - his best friend (and maybe more) Roxas, not Keyblade Master Roxas or Number Thirteen Roxas or Twilight Town brain-befuddled Roxas - back, more than anything.
He’s playing by his own rules, now.
It’s his desire to be reunited with Roxas again (desperate times call for desperate measures) that leads him to Destiny Island and to the slim, pretty girl with auburn hair and blue eyes. This girl is Kairi, Sora’s friend, and he is going to use her to lure Sora to himself, whether she realizes it or not.
Because if he has Sora, then he has Roxas, too. Roxas is in there somewhere-it’s just a matter of drawing him out.
“We have something in common. We both miss someone we care about.”
She doesn’t trust him but he gets his way in the end (underhandedly), because he isn’t a graceful loser. He’s lost enough, and now he wants it all back.
The truth of the matter is this: He doesn’t need anybody; he needs Nobody.
One Nobody in particular, to be exact.
~*~
I’d give you everything
If there was something left
His plan goes awry in the end, which was apparently its wont, and all Axel can hope to do now is make peace, somehow.
Now, with Sora here, he knows that Sora can’t be Sora without Roxas-one exists within the other; they are two halves of a whole, and Axel can’t quite bring himself to take that away from Roxas. He can’t be selfish enough to make Roxas incomplete again.
So he decides to be unselfish for a change-decides that if he helps Sora (who is a strong kid, but the Dusks just keep coming and sooner or later, he’s going to succumb to the sheer number of them), he is also helping Roxas, and that has to count for something.
Sora’s back is pressed against his own, and it’s warm. It’s been a while since he’s felt warmth like this-Sora’s got his back and he’s got Sora’s, and that’s how it was with Roxas, too, months ago.
Until Axel went and fucked it all up, that is.
So he helps Sora-he puts his whole being into an attack that he knows he - and the Dusks, and that’s what matters - won’t survive.
Sora will, though. And he’ll fix the wrongs the Organization has committed.
The truth of the matter is this: Axel is a desperate man with nothing left to lose.
He’s already lost the one thing - the one person - that mattered (still matters), after all.
~*~
Because these are my last words
And this is my last breath
His life began in fire, so it’s only fitting that it ends in fire as well.
He apologizes to Sora-explains that all he wanted to do was see Roxas again. He tells Sora that Roxas made him feel like he had a heart, and Sora looks at him with blue eyes full of tears, and Axel thinks that maybe Roxas is still himself in there somewhere, and maybe Roxas can hear him-can hear that all of this, all that he’s done after Roxas left was done in order to hopefully get Roxas back.
His entire existence as a Nobody does not flash before his eyes. Instead, he recalls what his life was like after Roxas came into it and gave him the gifts of wonder and hope.
He remembers the first time he saw Roxas; he remembers the first mission they went on together; he remembers the first time they ate ice cream and watched the setting sun together; he remembers the first time Roxas embraced him and he remembers the first and last time Roxas kissed him. He remembers the feel of Roxas’ skin against his own; he remembers the sound of Roxas’ laughter. He remembers the way Roxas stood up for Xion when no-one else would. He remembers the last thing Roxas said to him before leaving.
He remembers feeling hollow when Roxas didn’t remember, and remembers some part of him singing with joy when Roxas did remember.
He remembers all of these things and more.
The truth of the matter is this: Above all, Axel remembers that, in an Organization full of Nobodies, Roxas was so much more.
Was everything to Axel, really.
~*~
Quote
Hey listen cos I’ll only say this once
I finally found the words that mean enough to me
Goodbye my soul
Unquote
At first, he thinks he is dreaming when he finds himself on the clock tower once more, gazing at Roxas, who is decked out in his black Organization coat, knees drawn up to his chest and forehead resting on them.
Then he remembers what he did for Sora (for Roxas), and knows that he isn’t dreaming.
Perhaps this is just some twisted game his deluded, oxygen-deprived, dying brain is playing on him in his final moment.
Even if it is, it doesn’t matter. Roxas is here, and Axel has a chance now to either make amends or to make things worse.
“Woken up, have you?” he asks, and Roxas gasps, looking up at him.
“Axel!”
This Roxas is neither the Roxas who doesn’t remember him; nor is he the Roxas who left the Organization, angry and hurt and wanting answers that Axel would never give him.
This Roxas is the Roxas whom he first shared ice cream with. This is the Roxas whom he grew ridiculously attached to; this is the Roxas whom he could be himself around; this is the Roxas whose blue eyes drew him in from the very start; this is the Roxas who kissed him without warning one late afternoon on their clock tower, lips and hands trembling, making the moment that much more endearing.
This Roxas is calm and all softness-no hard, biting edges, except for perhaps his smart-ass remarks, but Axel always liked it when Roxas was sarcastic.
This Roxas is clearly pleased to see him-clearly forgives him (already, without Axel even having to say anything) for the wrongs he’s done.
“I couldn’t find you,” Axel blurts without thinking. “I didn’t know if you could hear me. I don’t even know how long I can talk to you like this.” I’m dying, you know, Roxas. Maybe I’m already dead.
“I’m going back to how I was,” Roxas replies, still serene, peaceful, like a lazy tide rolling in.
Axel sits down beside him, not quite wanting to take his eyes off of him, fearful that he’ll disappear if Axel does so much as even blink. “Naminé told me that before, too. I’ve been thinking about it-you have a heart, don’t you?” Because you have Sora. “But Naminé and I… we don’t, do we?”
“I don’t know,” Roxas admits, like the fact that he doesn’t know is some sort of failure on his part. He starts being all philosophical, musing aloud that if the heart can’t be seen, maybe it can’t really be felt, either, and then he trails off, shaking his head, cheeks tinged pink with his embarrassment. “Nevermind.”
But Axel is curious. “What are you getting at, Rox?”
“… Sora will find the answer,” Roxas says then, no traces of doubt in his voice or in his eyes. “He will, cos he’s me.”
Axel feels his eyes soften. “Yeah, that’s right.”
They sit at the top of the clock tower and they eat ice cream, and it’s just like old times. They reminisce, and things between them are light and easy again-as easy as breathing. This is how it should be between them. This is how it always should have been.
Eventually, Roxas looks at him, placing a hand over his as he says, “I have to go. Sora is waiting for me.”
That is what his mouth says. What his eyes say is this: I’ve missed you.
“Yeah,” Axel replies, trying not to choke on the word, trying to shove it past the lump in his throat. His eyes say this: I don’t want you to go. Not again.
But Axel has to let him go, because Axel has to go, too. Roxas still has a life to live-still has Sora’s life to live. Axel does not.
“See you, Axel.” And his lips are just as soft and warm as Axel remembers.
“See you, partner.” He is sure that the single tear that falls does not go unnoticed by Roxas.
And maybe the odd, twisted, confusing thing between them couldn’t-have-been-shouldn’t-have-been love, but…
The truth of the matter is this:
It was.
~END~
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Writing this fic was… a journey. I hope it evoked as much emotion as I put into it. I hope the words sang to you-hope they made you all feel a mix of emotions.
I’m satisfied with this one. I like the way it turned out, even if I did consider screaming and pulling my hair out a time or two whilst writing.
There are various lyrics from various songs scattered about this fic. The songs include:
Evans Blue - Quote, Cold (but I’m still here), Eclipsed, A Cross and a Girl Named Blessed
Scary Kids Scaring Kids - The City Sleeps in Flames
The Fray - How to Save a Life
Thank you all for reading. ^_^