No Need to Say what You're Thinking - Non-JRock, Death Note, Light/L
Title: No Need to Say what You’re Thinking
Author: Kagome
Warnings: Angst, sexual references, spoilers.
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Light/L
Disclaimer: Standard disclaimer applies.
Summary: He wishes he could be wrong.
Comments: It’s been forever since I’ve posted Light/L fanfic, yes? XD Kinda iffy about this one, but oh well. General spoilers. Enjoy!
No Need to Say what You’re Thinking
There are some things he never says-secrets he keeps locked tightly up, tucked away within the confines of his own mind. He could say them if he wanted to-could breathe them into the darkness of the bedroom, into the small space between Light’s lips and his own.
He never says these things, though, not even when his guard is down (for a moment, for only a moment of pleasure, and then it’s over and he’s back to his normal self, watching everything and missing nothing)-not even when they’re tangled together like this, sweaty and winded and trying to relearn how to breathe.
He never whispers a word about his secrets, but he doesn’t really have to. Light is a brilliant boy, and he knows things about L without L having to say anything at all. It’s only one of the things about this enigmatic teenager that L does not understand. He is the world’s top three detectives, and it bothers him when he can’t figure something out. He solves puzzles, after all; he doesn’t get puzzled.
Light had known that he’d never been kissed before. He’d known that he’d never been intimately touched before. He’d known L had never cared for that sort of thing before; he’d known L had never trusted anyone enough to let them get that close.
Although, L has to admit, this isn’t really about trust, is it?
Of course not, because he can’t afford to trust a murder suspect. He can’t afford to believe the sweet words and actions of the teenager beside him, because he knows that Light was once a killer. He knows that the one who’d committed those crimes is none other than the young man chained to him, sharing his bed and sharing intimacies that L had not considered to be desirable before now.
No, this isn’t about trust, because he can’t let it be about trust. It’s about interest, and he can’t deny that he’s been drawn to Light since all of this started.
He opens his eyes when he feels Light’s fingers brush against his face, the chain rattling, useless, between them.
“I’m not Kira,” Light murmurs, rubbing his thumb tenderly over L’s bottom lip-it is not the touch of a killer.
He studies the teen silently for a moment and then agrees, his words almost inaudible: “Not at present, no.” But, not long ago, he knows that Light waswaswas Kira, and that is what L tries to cling to; it’s what he repeats over and over in his mind, and he tells himself that this one fact is what keeps him from getting in over his head.
(What he doesn’t tell himself is that he’s already drowned).
Light’s eyes harden for a moment - stubbornness, and he’s just as stubborn as L - and then abruptly soften. “I’d never hurt you,” he whispers, the look in his eyes sincere-warm, and perhaps even affectionate.
Perhaps Light Yagami wouldn’t hurt him, but Kira would - will - and it is his return that L is waiting for.
When L does not reply, Light continues: “You’re safe with me, Ryuuzaki.”
L presses closer, tucking his head under Light’s chin and closing his eyes. “Go to sleep,” he says, voice gentle but filled with the exhaustion of a much-older individual, one who’s lived his life already and now has nothing to give, nothing to take.
What he doesn’t say is that he wishes he could believe him.
It’s a dangerous wish-a dangerous secret.
For once in his whole life, he wants to believe that he is incorrect-he wants to believe that Light is right and he is wrong.
And this - this moment of stolen near-serenity - is only a sweet prelude to his downfall, though he doesn’t know it just yet.
~END~
*flails* I re-wrote the ending of this at least four times, I kid you not. I wasn’t happy at all with any of the other endings, though the next-to-last rewrite was how I was going to leave it (it was longer). I went to bed, with every intention of leaving it exactly as it was.
And then the idea for this ending jarred me into full wakefulness (I was half-asleep) and so I scribbled it down before I could forget it.
I like this ending a lot better, but am still a little unsure of this ficlet as a whole. Meh. *shrugs* I guess you win some and lose some.
Author: Kagome
Warnings: Angst, sexual references, spoilers.
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Light/L
Disclaimer: Standard disclaimer applies.
Summary: He wishes he could be wrong.
Comments: It’s been forever since I’ve posted Light/L fanfic, yes? XD Kinda iffy about this one, but oh well. General spoilers. Enjoy!
No Need to Say what You’re Thinking
There are some things he never says-secrets he keeps locked tightly up, tucked away within the confines of his own mind. He could say them if he wanted to-could breathe them into the darkness of the bedroom, into the small space between Light’s lips and his own.
He never says these things, though, not even when his guard is down (for a moment, for only a moment of pleasure, and then it’s over and he’s back to his normal self, watching everything and missing nothing)-not even when they’re tangled together like this, sweaty and winded and trying to relearn how to breathe.
He never whispers a word about his secrets, but he doesn’t really have to. Light is a brilliant boy, and he knows things about L without L having to say anything at all. It’s only one of the things about this enigmatic teenager that L does not understand. He is the world’s top three detectives, and it bothers him when he can’t figure something out. He solves puzzles, after all; he doesn’t get puzzled.
Light had known that he’d never been kissed before. He’d known that he’d never been intimately touched before. He’d known L had never cared for that sort of thing before; he’d known L had never trusted anyone enough to let them get that close.
Although, L has to admit, this isn’t really about trust, is it?
Of course not, because he can’t afford to trust a murder suspect. He can’t afford to believe the sweet words and actions of the teenager beside him, because he knows that Light was once a killer. He knows that the one who’d committed those crimes is none other than the young man chained to him, sharing his bed and sharing intimacies that L had not considered to be desirable before now.
No, this isn’t about trust, because he can’t let it be about trust. It’s about interest, and he can’t deny that he’s been drawn to Light since all of this started.
He opens his eyes when he feels Light’s fingers brush against his face, the chain rattling, useless, between them.
“I’m not Kira,” Light murmurs, rubbing his thumb tenderly over L’s bottom lip-it is not the touch of a killer.
He studies the teen silently for a moment and then agrees, his words almost inaudible: “Not at present, no.” But, not long ago, he knows that Light waswaswas Kira, and that is what L tries to cling to; it’s what he repeats over and over in his mind, and he tells himself that this one fact is what keeps him from getting in over his head.
(What he doesn’t tell himself is that he’s already drowned).
Light’s eyes harden for a moment - stubbornness, and he’s just as stubborn as L - and then abruptly soften. “I’d never hurt you,” he whispers, the look in his eyes sincere-warm, and perhaps even affectionate.
Perhaps Light Yagami wouldn’t hurt him, but Kira would - will - and it is his return that L is waiting for.
When L does not reply, Light continues: “You’re safe with me, Ryuuzaki.”
L presses closer, tucking his head under Light’s chin and closing his eyes. “Go to sleep,” he says, voice gentle but filled with the exhaustion of a much-older individual, one who’s lived his life already and now has nothing to give, nothing to take.
What he doesn’t say is that he wishes he could believe him.
It’s a dangerous wish-a dangerous secret.
For once in his whole life, he wants to believe that he is incorrect-he wants to believe that Light is right and he is wrong.
And this - this moment of stolen near-serenity - is only a sweet prelude to his downfall, though he doesn’t know it just yet.
~END~
*flails* I re-wrote the ending of this at least four times, I kid you not. I wasn’t happy at all with any of the other endings, though the next-to-last rewrite was how I was going to leave it (it was longer). I went to bed, with every intention of leaving it exactly as it was.
And then the idea for this ending jarred me into full wakefulness (I was half-asleep) and so I scribbled it down before I could forget it.
I like this ending a lot better, but am still a little unsure of this ficlet as a whole. Meh. *shrugs* I guess you win some and lose some.