its been a whiile..
so i haven't written in this in a WHiiLE. sorry :x..
A LOT has happened since then, but i will regret to inform that.. i wont be writing about it, only because its way to much to explain everything.. ive been working a lot lately, at least it feels that way caz im sick and i hate myself for it. ive been job hunting and what not, CROSS YOUR FINGERS FOR ME. i need to get away from BJs like seriously, i have fun there sometimes and i mean i think i get along with.. most of the people but theres so much like pety drama and so much 'he said, she said' that its just... emotionally/physically draining to me.. i mean i admit i havent been a saint but so much is being said that isnt true people are saying things to make me out as the bad person when in reality.. thats not how it is.. i lost like one of the best friends i have ever had and i was sad for a while about it, i alwatys wanted to do something about it, but something kept telling me not to and ya know what.. im glad i didnt.. i wouldnt mind being civil with this person and being able to talk at work and stuff so as far as hanging out and all that stuff i dont know.. so much has gone in there that it would be like.. akward. ya know and not the kind of akwardness you can fix, or make disappear, or at least pretend isnt there.. and it sucks, i know shes probably reading this.. so if you are just know that im sorry, i know i was wrong in a lot of the situations and i can confess to that, but in a lot of the instances i wasnt even involved and people just dragged me into and like twisted words around and stuff. you made a huge impact on my life and ill never forget you.. i dont know why im making it sound like we're getting a divorce...maybe caz we are? hmm i dont know .. but i do want you to know how i feel. and its taking a lot to sit here and type the words as they come to my head.. but yea im doing it because u only live once and i dont wanna regret not doing this. so yea.
so moving away from THAT subject. lets talk about boyyyyyyys :D
my life has been full of them lately, i have a huge crush and i think there potential there, weve hung out , he just got out of a relationship. he calls me and i call him so the phone works BOTH ways which is something im not used to.. and he told someone he liked meeeeeee but he thinks im too shy sometimes.. which... i can understand im very shy because im scared to put my feelings out there and get hurt, which is a feeling i should be immune to by now.. its a wonder that im not.. i just dont wanna like someone who i dont have a chance with and it sucks caz thats the place im stuck in right now.. i hatee it but hopefully this boy will be a good one..
and yea i think.. i might be officially a pot head like., 4real. there hasnt been a day in the past 3 weeks that i havent been high its awesome i have the best friends that i hang around with.. someone of which i have mixed feelings for because 'he/she' [i wont say] is just annoying sometimes and doesnt necessarily like the decisions i make, where as the others dont really care they respect that its my life and i do what i wanna do.. i took some adderall today, 3 pills like i had the best day from like 3:00 on. i hope i dont get addicted i dont wanna be a pill popper, although i have strong will power so i dont thiiink that will happen.. and yea i must say im a big fan of the feeling it gives and i wanna feel like that everyday.. maybe ill get some tomorrow .. so i can deal with work and not be in a bad mood about ANYYTHINNNG..
i think im gonna start taking classes at hesser in january.. i wanna do something with my life, although hesser isnt the greatest college, it'll do for now. ill just take a few classes here and there and see how i feel about it that way i can always tansfer someowhere, i dont wanna be a bum working at bjs for the rest of my life
my dad might be quitting his job and working somewhere closer to home seeing how he works an hour away in boston and it sucks, my mom is also tansferring to a store in NH. so i dont think ill be in MASS anymore as much.. although i havent been there in SOO long as it is. i kinda hope my dad finds a job closer to home, maybe he'll be happier. all i want is for him to be happy, i would walk on fire to make him happy he means the world to me.. hes going in for surgery for a hip replacement soon and i didnt find out until last night, thats what working full time on odd hours will do. i never see him anymore, i never really see any of my family anymore and as much as i though it would be a good things it kinda makes me sad now. like i always wanna go out with my friends on my days off i dont wanna be stuck in the house doing absolutely nothing it gets real boring after a while... but yeaa
im gonna get going im exhausted my sleeping pills are kicking in so i gotta go get some sleep so i can wake up bright and early for work tomororw.. <3
A LOT has happened since then, but i will regret to inform that.. i wont be writing about it, only because its way to much to explain everything.. ive been working a lot lately, at least it feels that way caz im sick and i hate myself for it. ive been job hunting and what not, CROSS YOUR FINGERS FOR ME. i need to get away from BJs like seriously, i have fun there sometimes and i mean i think i get along with.. most of the people but theres so much like pety drama and so much 'he said, she said' that its just... emotionally/physically draining to me.. i mean i admit i havent been a saint but so much is being said that isnt true people are saying things to make me out as the bad person when in reality.. thats not how it is.. i lost like one of the best friends i have ever had and i was sad for a while about it, i alwatys wanted to do something about it, but something kept telling me not to and ya know what.. im glad i didnt.. i wouldnt mind being civil with this person and being able to talk at work and stuff so as far as hanging out and all that stuff i dont know.. so much has gone in there that it would be like.. akward. ya know and not the kind of akwardness you can fix, or make disappear, or at least pretend isnt there.. and it sucks, i know shes probably reading this.. so if you are just know that im sorry, i know i was wrong in a lot of the situations and i can confess to that, but in a lot of the instances i wasnt even involved and people just dragged me into and like twisted words around and stuff. you made a huge impact on my life and ill never forget you.. i dont know why im making it sound like we're getting a divorce...maybe caz we are? hmm i dont know .. but i do want you to know how i feel. and its taking a lot to sit here and type the words as they come to my head.. but yea im doing it because u only live once and i dont wanna regret not doing this. so yea.
so moving away from THAT subject. lets talk about boyyyyyyys :D
my life has been full of them lately, i have a huge crush and i think there potential there, weve hung out , he just got out of a relationship. he calls me and i call him so the phone works BOTH ways which is something im not used to.. and he told someone he liked meeeeeee but he thinks im too shy sometimes.. which... i can understand im very shy because im scared to put my feelings out there and get hurt, which is a feeling i should be immune to by now.. its a wonder that im not.. i just dont wanna like someone who i dont have a chance with and it sucks caz thats the place im stuck in right now.. i hatee it but hopefully this boy will be a good one..
and yea i think.. i might be officially a pot head like., 4real. there hasnt been a day in the past 3 weeks that i havent been high its awesome i have the best friends that i hang around with.. someone of which i have mixed feelings for because 'he/she' [i wont say] is just annoying sometimes and doesnt necessarily like the decisions i make, where as the others dont really care they respect that its my life and i do what i wanna do.. i took some adderall today, 3 pills like i had the best day from like 3:00 on. i hope i dont get addicted i dont wanna be a pill popper, although i have strong will power so i dont thiiink that will happen.. and yea i must say im a big fan of the feeling it gives and i wanna feel like that everyday.. maybe ill get some tomorrow .. so i can deal with work and not be in a bad mood about ANYYTHINNNG..
i think im gonna start taking classes at hesser in january.. i wanna do something with my life, although hesser isnt the greatest college, it'll do for now. ill just take a few classes here and there and see how i feel about it that way i can always tansfer someowhere, i dont wanna be a bum working at bjs for the rest of my life
my dad might be quitting his job and working somewhere closer to home seeing how he works an hour away in boston and it sucks, my mom is also tansferring to a store in NH. so i dont think ill be in MASS anymore as much.. although i havent been there in SOO long as it is. i kinda hope my dad finds a job closer to home, maybe he'll be happier. all i want is for him to be happy, i would walk on fire to make him happy he means the world to me.. hes going in for surgery for a hip replacement soon and i didnt find out until last night, thats what working full time on odd hours will do. i never see him anymore, i never really see any of my family anymore and as much as i though it would be a good things it kinda makes me sad now. like i always wanna go out with my friends on my days off i dont wanna be stuck in the house doing absolutely nothing it gets real boring after a while... but yeaa
im gonna get going im exhausted my sleeping pills are kicking in so i gotta go get some sleep so i can wake up bright and early for work tomororw.. <3