MYSPACE BLOG
i posted this on Myspace. its worth reading, i swear.
"iF HEARTACHE COULD KiLL" BY: ME
Current mood: rejected
Category: Life
If heartache could kill, i swear id be on my way to heaven right now. How much rejection & pain can i get before i totally shut down? It lasted forever, but it ended so soon. I thought i'd never go through again what i went through with topper. I felt safe, i was tricked into believing that i was ok to love another human being. I fell into something i wasn't capable of giving up. & now i'm left with a broken heart & with no one to pick up the peices. I may come off as a strong girl but if you really look at me, & i mean REALLY look at me, you'd see that i live a life of pain, a life that sometimes is too hard on me & that i can not handle. They say God only gives us what we can handle, well... no offence to God but i wish he wasn't soo confident with me. I'm sick of being betrayed & hurt by people that aren't worth it. I'm tired of sacrificing my happiness to make the person i love happy & getting nothing but a cold heart in return. How can something so uterly perfect disapear over a couple of words in a matter of a week? Is love really that weak? Did i even find love or is this just some pathetic exuse for an infatuation? Whatever it is, it hurts like hell. I brought myself to admit to him that i indeed am in love, because I could not continue to deny him to myself nor to anyone else anymore. I am not a fake person. If i lie to myself, i would be lying to the world. What's the use of going on if you live your life based on a lie? Someone, anyone, wake me up from this nightmare that doesn't seem to go away. The more i love, the more i get hurt. Love = Pain in my book. Is it fare to justify love as pain when every waking moment i was with him was the best moment of my life? How can you be soo wrong about a person that you knew soo well? I don't think i could ever bring myself to love another again, not after what i've been through. The minute i find someone, i would never be able to love, because i'd be so scared to let anyone in that part of me again. No one, not even topper entered that part of my heart & now that its been destroyed i don't know how i'm ever going to replace it. I love him & i'll get over him. One day he'll regret the attempts i made to get back because he'll realize he really did lose something special. I was the reason he smiled, the reason he laughed... and he was my reason for happyness. Is it really over? Yes, it is & there's nothing i can do about it. Boy, do i feel hopeless. I hope he realizes it before i am gone for good. Once i'm gone, i'm gone for good.
"iF HEARTACHE COULD KiLL" BY: ME
Current mood: rejected
Category: Life
If heartache could kill, i swear id be on my way to heaven right now. How much rejection & pain can i get before i totally shut down? It lasted forever, but it ended so soon. I thought i'd never go through again what i went through with topper. I felt safe, i was tricked into believing that i was ok to love another human being. I fell into something i wasn't capable of giving up. & now i'm left with a broken heart & with no one to pick up the peices. I may come off as a strong girl but if you really look at me, & i mean REALLY look at me, you'd see that i live a life of pain, a life that sometimes is too hard on me & that i can not handle. They say God only gives us what we can handle, well... no offence to God but i wish he wasn't soo confident with me. I'm sick of being betrayed & hurt by people that aren't worth it. I'm tired of sacrificing my happiness to make the person i love happy & getting nothing but a cold heart in return. How can something so uterly perfect disapear over a couple of words in a matter of a week? Is love really that weak? Did i even find love or is this just some pathetic exuse for an infatuation? Whatever it is, it hurts like hell. I brought myself to admit to him that i indeed am in love, because I could not continue to deny him to myself nor to anyone else anymore. I am not a fake person. If i lie to myself, i would be lying to the world. What's the use of going on if you live your life based on a lie? Someone, anyone, wake me up from this nightmare that doesn't seem to go away. The more i love, the more i get hurt. Love = Pain in my book. Is it fare to justify love as pain when every waking moment i was with him was the best moment of my life? How can you be soo wrong about a person that you knew soo well? I don't think i could ever bring myself to love another again, not after what i've been through. The minute i find someone, i would never be able to love, because i'd be so scared to let anyone in that part of me again. No one, not even topper entered that part of my heart & now that its been destroyed i don't know how i'm ever going to replace it. I love him & i'll get over him. One day he'll regret the attempts i made to get back because he'll realize he really did lose something special. I was the reason he smiled, the reason he laughed... and he was my reason for happyness. Is it really over? Yes, it is & there's nothing i can do about it. Boy, do i feel hopeless. I hope he realizes it before i am gone for good. Once i'm gone, i'm gone for good.