surprise!
shut up if you've already heard em. some of you havent, and that's why i'm posting these. oh, and comments would be nice. for a change.
evergreen-eyed, look at me
i'm no longer whispering
what i once would whimper in shame
i've tried screaming it, nothing works
listen with those evergreen eyes
evergreen-eyed, my words travel with the wind
don't you feel them, breathe them in?
i utter, choke them out for you alone
taste the air in front of you
it cut my heart with broken glass
so you could taste the wind
evergreen-eyed, i'm searching
fingers pry the space between for more
groping, blindly, for one thing only
i stagger towards your light alone
evergreen-eyed, i'm resting
in the shade of your evergreen branches
i've carved my name into your trunk
forever i'd rest in your arms
evergreen-eyed, turn around
trees aren't supposed to run
you can't deny my love for you
like you can't deny the sparkle
in your evergreen eyes
©2003 emilie n. muscarella
i trusted our friendship enough
to allow you to see the real me
in return i sought a closer bond
but it looks like i scared you
and behind my back you say
that i'm freakishly unusual
appalling, weird, and sensual
and most of all, different
you didn't finish the first page
before you said, "she's one of them"
funny, because i could easily call you one of "those"
being that you're in a wheelchair
to answer your question, yes
i am one of them and
i can't apologize if it horrifies you
you sheltered, protected, untouched, disgusted one
scratch that, please
i refuse to apologize for being different
and thought once, that you
being quite unusual, would accept me
©2003 emilie n. muscarella
i had a flight of fancy
on one of the more emotional nights
you stood in a greying white room
almost wondering where i was
i was a ghost-like figure
circling you, screaming in your face
my limbs moved like a blurred photo
like in a mushy music video
my throat burned with exhaustion
as i shrieked and sobbed every last pain
every square inch of hurt you've ignited
i was right in your face and you couldn't see me.
three balloons lay popped
just bits of colored rubber
tied to ribbons on the floor
in the six corners of the greying white room
if the room had a door
i think i would've left
if only i could show you
how the balloons, six times three
that's eighteen, represented my dreams
the beautiful things i sought in you, in us
murdered by a silver needle
popped and left to disintegrate on the floor
was it stupid of me to make balloons for you?
do you have any for me?
©2003 emilie n. muscarella
the wettest i've ever gotten a pillow
was when i hugged mine and sobbed
was when i called compulsively every two minutes
to keep you to keep me alive
the most paranoia i've ever experienced
was rocking back and forth in a ball
fighting over if you hated me or lost signal
if i was crazy, or crazy for you
the most desperate i've ever felt
was when i carved those lines of red--for you
permenantly scarred myself to show
how much you hurt me, from the inside out
the biggest amount i've ever vomited
was on the night i cried til i couldn't anymore
the night you took out your phone battery
the night, more than ever, when i needed to talk
the most tormented i've ever been
was in the weeks i couldn't let go
when i couldn't force myself to go on
and pretended you pulled your weight
©2003 emilie n. muscarella
evergreen-eyed, look at me
i'm no longer whispering
what i once would whimper in shame
i've tried screaming it, nothing works
listen with those evergreen eyes
evergreen-eyed, my words travel with the wind
don't you feel them, breathe them in?
i utter, choke them out for you alone
taste the air in front of you
it cut my heart with broken glass
so you could taste the wind
evergreen-eyed, i'm searching
fingers pry the space between for more
groping, blindly, for one thing only
i stagger towards your light alone
evergreen-eyed, i'm resting
in the shade of your evergreen branches
i've carved my name into your trunk
forever i'd rest in your arms
evergreen-eyed, turn around
trees aren't supposed to run
you can't deny my love for you
like you can't deny the sparkle
in your evergreen eyes
©2003 emilie n. muscarella
i trusted our friendship enough
to allow you to see the real me
in return i sought a closer bond
but it looks like i scared you
and behind my back you say
that i'm freakishly unusual
appalling, weird, and sensual
and most of all, different
you didn't finish the first page
before you said, "she's one of them"
funny, because i could easily call you one of "those"
being that you're in a wheelchair
to answer your question, yes
i am one of them and
i can't apologize if it horrifies you
you sheltered, protected, untouched, disgusted one
scratch that, please
i refuse to apologize for being different
and thought once, that you
being quite unusual, would accept me
©2003 emilie n. muscarella
i had a flight of fancy
on one of the more emotional nights
you stood in a greying white room
almost wondering where i was
i was a ghost-like figure
circling you, screaming in your face
my limbs moved like a blurred photo
like in a mushy music video
my throat burned with exhaustion
as i shrieked and sobbed every last pain
every square inch of hurt you've ignited
i was right in your face and you couldn't see me.
three balloons lay popped
just bits of colored rubber
tied to ribbons on the floor
in the six corners of the greying white room
if the room had a door
i think i would've left
if only i could show you
how the balloons, six times three
that's eighteen, represented my dreams
the beautiful things i sought in you, in us
murdered by a silver needle
popped and left to disintegrate on the floor
was it stupid of me to make balloons for you?
do you have any for me?
©2003 emilie n. muscarella
the wettest i've ever gotten a pillow
was when i hugged mine and sobbed
was when i called compulsively every two minutes
to keep you to keep me alive
the most paranoia i've ever experienced
was rocking back and forth in a ball
fighting over if you hated me or lost signal
if i was crazy, or crazy for you
the most desperate i've ever felt
was when i carved those lines of red--for you
permenantly scarred myself to show
how much you hurt me, from the inside out
the biggest amount i've ever vomited
was on the night i cried til i couldn't anymore
the night you took out your phone battery
the night, more than ever, when i needed to talk
the most tormented i've ever been
was in the weeks i couldn't let go
when i couldn't force myself to go on
and pretended you pulled your weight
©2003 emilie n. muscarella