on a scale of 1-10 I'm petty for sure
you know what? I'm mad. Not really upset, not really. Hurt for sure. But honestly, I'm really mad.
I am so tired of being the only one in the world who seemingly thinks of people other than myself. I then end up being completely shit on for living outside my own world and caring about the thoughts and feelings of others. Not to mention friendships.
This has been a really shitty past few months, and I hate that I only write when I'm in the mood, but it has to get out somehow. And I know FOR SURE, that no one is going to actually listen to me the way I listen to them. So fuck being vague. Here is what I am hurt by.
Alex-not for nothing, but no one we are friends with other than Ashley reads this so I don't feel bad at all about writing this here. I have been calling and texting you for months with no response AT ALL. I am officially tired of being the one who sustains this friendship. You were at one time my best friend, and honestly I know that right at this moment, we know nothing about each other. That hurts. I will own up and say that once we moved away from each other you probably came to Buffalo more than I was in Rochester, but I know that it wasn't by much, if at all. I understand you're busy. But guess what? I work 25 hours a week, intern 21 hours a week, and go to school full-time. I am completely hurt that you have no issue brushing me to the side, and have shown no desire to stay in touch with me. Ashley and I don't talk often either, but you better believe we both try. That unfortunately is more than I can say for us. And, despite this your friendship is not something I feel willing to lose. I just have no idea if you feel the same way. And, I'm sorry if you are upset at the way this was put on LJ, but its the only thing I can guarantee you'll get around to reading.
Michele, Cris, Falania- Fine, you guys have been friends with each other a year or so longer than you've all known me. So, that means when you all get together in the city to hang out, I'm not part of your "Hadley Reunion" Falania didn't even live with us. And when Michele and I met up in the city, we tried like hell to get Falania out there with us. And when I was in Buffalo, I called Cris so I could see her, knowing she would be upset if I didn't let her know I was up there...not like she called me back anyway! So thanks girls!
Christian and Melanie- please go ahead and HAVE BIGGER MORE EXCITING NEWS that I could hear from a god damned STRANGER before hearing it from you. AND I WOULD LOVE if you came up with lame disgusting excuses for why I was left out of the loop...oh wait you did. I guess I shouldn't have assumed as the two people I'm closest to that I deserved more than that. You don't owe me anything. So, no, I will not be moving with you two, because this is the 4th time THIS YEAR I've had a problem with you Christian. And you know what that makes 4 times EVER that we've had conflict with each other....You both know you were two huge ties I have to this fucking place, well guess what, that doesn't weigh nearly as heavily anymore when it becomes apparent I care much more about what we have than you two. BYE
Kelly- you are making awful decisions and you are the most self centered disillusioned person. You are spoiled, and I do NOT agree with anything you are currently doing. I would tell you all of this except that would mean you would have to shut up and stop talking about yourself for thirty whole seconds.
Matt- YOU ARE LYING TO ME AND I KEEP CATCHING YOU. do us both a favor and stop wasting the few precious brain cells all your fucking up hasn't killed and stop coming up with stories to tell me. I'M MOVING ON NOW.
Brittany- don't be mad at you for being bad at answering? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN. oh, i know what that means, that means Kerri please keep up being the one who holds up our friendship and when I'm not too busy, or when I stop having a completely ridiculous knack for just not writing back be ready and willing to jump for me. you never used to be like this. ever.
Brandon- STOP with the messages. ITS NOT FUNNY. it is not funny that you totally fucked me over for her, but then USED ME when you got evicted, and for a whole year before that as your god damn life line. Fuck you. You self centered egotistical asshole.
AM I TOTALLY PETTY FOR ALL OF THIS? YES. and i don't fucking care. Am I embarrassed about the lack of friends and friendship I have? Yes completelyyy. But, this is the truth. And its only fucking half of it. I am so so so so so just MAD.
This is of course not to mention how completely unhappy I am with school, and how my life is currently panning out. I have big decisions to make as far as moving, transferring, quitting school all together, and job hunting goes. And, I'm not emotionally or financially prepared for it at all. All I really in my heart know, is that I cannot continue letting shit roll off my back anymore. I am TIRED of justifying everyones bullshit actions for them.
The issue is in the fact that there's a difference between having friends and a having best friend. I don't have a best friend. I haven't for a long time. But I damn sure know I've been there for these people as a best friend with out any reciprocation lately. So don't be offended if I haven't mentioned the few people in the past months who have been a friend to me. And quite frankly, for the first time EVER this isn't about everyone else. ITS ABOUT ME. you're all familiar with that feeling.
I am so tired of being the only one in the world who seemingly thinks of people other than myself. I then end up being completely shit on for living outside my own world and caring about the thoughts and feelings of others. Not to mention friendships.
This has been a really shitty past few months, and I hate that I only write when I'm in the mood, but it has to get out somehow. And I know FOR SURE, that no one is going to actually listen to me the way I listen to them. So fuck being vague. Here is what I am hurt by.
Alex-not for nothing, but no one we are friends with other than Ashley reads this so I don't feel bad at all about writing this here. I have been calling and texting you for months with no response AT ALL. I am officially tired of being the one who sustains this friendship. You were at one time my best friend, and honestly I know that right at this moment, we know nothing about each other. That hurts. I will own up and say that once we moved away from each other you probably came to Buffalo more than I was in Rochester, but I know that it wasn't by much, if at all. I understand you're busy. But guess what? I work 25 hours a week, intern 21 hours a week, and go to school full-time. I am completely hurt that you have no issue brushing me to the side, and have shown no desire to stay in touch with me. Ashley and I don't talk often either, but you better believe we both try. That unfortunately is more than I can say for us. And, despite this your friendship is not something I feel willing to lose. I just have no idea if you feel the same way. And, I'm sorry if you are upset at the way this was put on LJ, but its the only thing I can guarantee you'll get around to reading.
Michele, Cris, Falania- Fine, you guys have been friends with each other a year or so longer than you've all known me. So, that means when you all get together in the city to hang out, I'm not part of your "Hadley Reunion" Falania didn't even live with us. And when Michele and I met up in the city, we tried like hell to get Falania out there with us. And when I was in Buffalo, I called Cris so I could see her, knowing she would be upset if I didn't let her know I was up there...not like she called me back anyway! So thanks girls!
Christian and Melanie- please go ahead and HAVE BIGGER MORE EXCITING NEWS that I could hear from a god damned STRANGER before hearing it from you. AND I WOULD LOVE if you came up with lame disgusting excuses for why I was left out of the loop...oh wait you did. I guess I shouldn't have assumed as the two people I'm closest to that I deserved more than that. You don't owe me anything. So, no, I will not be moving with you two, because this is the 4th time THIS YEAR I've had a problem with you Christian. And you know what that makes 4 times EVER that we've had conflict with each other....You both know you were two huge ties I have to this fucking place, well guess what, that doesn't weigh nearly as heavily anymore when it becomes apparent I care much more about what we have than you two. BYE
Kelly- you are making awful decisions and you are the most self centered disillusioned person. You are spoiled, and I do NOT agree with anything you are currently doing. I would tell you all of this except that would mean you would have to shut up and stop talking about yourself for thirty whole seconds.
Matt- YOU ARE LYING TO ME AND I KEEP CATCHING YOU. do us both a favor and stop wasting the few precious brain cells all your fucking up hasn't killed and stop coming up with stories to tell me. I'M MOVING ON NOW.
Brittany- don't be mad at you for being bad at answering? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN. oh, i know what that means, that means Kerri please keep up being the one who holds up our friendship and when I'm not too busy, or when I stop having a completely ridiculous knack for just not writing back be ready and willing to jump for me. you never used to be like this. ever.
Brandon- STOP with the messages. ITS NOT FUNNY. it is not funny that you totally fucked me over for her, but then USED ME when you got evicted, and for a whole year before that as your god damn life line. Fuck you. You self centered egotistical asshole.
AM I TOTALLY PETTY FOR ALL OF THIS? YES. and i don't fucking care. Am I embarrassed about the lack of friends and friendship I have? Yes completelyyy. But, this is the truth. And its only fucking half of it. I am so so so so so just MAD.
This is of course not to mention how completely unhappy I am with school, and how my life is currently panning out. I have big decisions to make as far as moving, transferring, quitting school all together, and job hunting goes. And, I'm not emotionally or financially prepared for it at all. All I really in my heart know, is that I cannot continue letting shit roll off my back anymore. I am TIRED of justifying everyones bullshit actions for them.
The issue is in the fact that there's a difference between having friends and a having best friend. I don't have a best friend. I haven't for a long time. But I damn sure know I've been there for these people as a best friend with out any reciprocation lately. So don't be offended if I haven't mentioned the few people in the past months who have been a friend to me. And quite frankly, for the first time EVER this isn't about everyone else. ITS ABOUT ME. you're all familiar with that feeling.