Im a fucking whore.....
I made a fucking mistake....well....two actually. WHY? you ask...because im a stupid FUCKING whore, thats why. Im stupid and stupid and a whore. I dont deserve the people that I know for me to make stupid drunken fucking decisions...TWICE!
ok...let me bring you back... we had a little get together at the apt....we made a beer run....had our drinking provisions....and we had two friends....then one left, but one took his place, then that ones friend showed up...so...we were well off and running since last time we tried NO ONE fucking showed up...it was a miracle in itsself. anyways.....we were having fun, smoking mass amounts of cigarettes and cloves and having our lovely drinks....slowly on our way to happy drunken-ville....then toris boyfriend showed up with one of his friends....a guy. so we had....three chicks to four guys.....not too bad.....not too sausage-y. a nice mix if you ask me....well....ok back to the point right? yeah......well....like EVERY conversation goes....down the sexual road....there was mild stripping, and there was excessive stripping...i was a mild stripper...so was tori....we have no balls....but im getting drunker by the minute here....and its been a while for me...and there were two guys that were available for my picking....im all drunky happy, and i say ive gotta go to bed cause its like 4am....and toris boyfriends friend....i cant even remember his fucking name....well he followed me and stood in my dark doorway and im all laying on the bed stripping myself for bed....hes like, i thought you were going to bed, and im like..yeah i thought so too....NOPE....sexin....it was alright....then afterwards...i find out hes got 2 kids and just proposed to his girlfriend...FUCK. im a whore...im stupid...what the FUCK FUCK FUCK. FUCKKKKK. FUCK. i was drunk and i was dumb and i cant even fucking take it back...and how i want to....then.....of course, the other guy that was for my drunken picking, left to drop off his friend....but he came back to hang out....he comes to my room to talk....to my DRUNKen ass....yeah....sexin again. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. can i not make a wise decision when im drunk? like....seriously....two fucking guys in one night? WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT...and i hate myself SO fucking much that im putting it on here.....yes. i HATE myself. SO FUCKING MUCH. and im torn....broken. down....im stupid....and i just want to go to bed and wake up and see that it all didnt really happen and i just had this horrible fucking drunken nightmare..... and since ive been up all night its totally possible right? no.... of course not. im WRONG WRONG WRONG. im an asshole....i want to shrivel down to nothing and disappear. now. and now...i have to go to work, and then when i come home...im going to sleep...for a very long time. to hope this will all just go away.........
there are no words in which i can use to describe the way i feel about myself right now....how much im judging myself right now...how much i entirely hate my being as a whole right now....where is my dark warm hole to crawl in for times like these........?
ok...let me bring you back... we had a little get together at the apt....we made a beer run....had our drinking provisions....and we had two friends....then one left, but one took his place, then that ones friend showed up...so...we were well off and running since last time we tried NO ONE fucking showed up...it was a miracle in itsself. anyways.....we were having fun, smoking mass amounts of cigarettes and cloves and having our lovely drinks....slowly on our way to happy drunken-ville....then toris boyfriend showed up with one of his friends....a guy. so we had....three chicks to four guys.....not too bad.....not too sausage-y. a nice mix if you ask me....well....ok back to the point right? yeah......well....like EVERY conversation goes....down the sexual road....there was mild stripping, and there was excessive stripping...i was a mild stripper...so was tori....we have no balls....but im getting drunker by the minute here....and its been a while for me...and there were two guys that were available for my picking....im all drunky happy, and i say ive gotta go to bed cause its like 4am....and toris boyfriends friend....i cant even remember his fucking name....well he followed me and stood in my dark doorway and im all laying on the bed stripping myself for bed....hes like, i thought you were going to bed, and im like..yeah i thought so too....NOPE....sexin....it was alright....then afterwards...i find out hes got 2 kids and just proposed to his girlfriend...FUCK. im a whore...im stupid...what the FUCK FUCK FUCK. FUCKKKKK. FUCK. i was drunk and i was dumb and i cant even fucking take it back...and how i want to....then.....of course, the other guy that was for my drunken picking, left to drop off his friend....but he came back to hang out....he comes to my room to talk....to my DRUNKen ass....yeah....sexin again. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. can i not make a wise decision when im drunk? like....seriously....two fucking guys in one night? WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT...and i hate myself SO fucking much that im putting it on here.....yes. i HATE myself. SO FUCKING MUCH. and im torn....broken. down....im stupid....and i just want to go to bed and wake up and see that it all didnt really happen and i just had this horrible fucking drunken nightmare..... and since ive been up all night its totally possible right? no.... of course not. im WRONG WRONG WRONG. im an asshole....i want to shrivel down to nothing and disappear. now. and now...i have to go to work, and then when i come home...im going to sleep...for a very long time. to hope this will all just go away.........
there are no words in which i can use to describe the way i feel about myself right now....how much im judging myself right now...how much i entirely hate my being as a whole right now....where is my dark warm hole to crawl in for times like these........?