(no subject)
i fight with them for no reason. and it's not really even fighting, it's just...the silent treatment sortof. you know? man, the walks home from work get my mind racing, and all i can seem to think about is all the shit that's going wrong. which makes me pissed at people i shouldn't be pissed at. god. i should be adoring my time with them, because they've never done anything wrong to me. like, ever. but i guess i have this thing played out in my mind that they'll forgive me if i take my anger out on them. but i'm sooo wrong. even though she says it's okay, i can see the sadness in her eyes. i know her facial expressions, especially the one she wears when i do this. i feel so fucking bad, so from this night forward, i vow to forever cherish my time with her, and the rest of them, because one day, they aren't going to be there, or i won't be here, and then i'll regret everything. that's the one thing i cannot live with. so if you ever happen to find this journal, i want you to know that i love you and i thank you so much for always being there for me, through thick and thin, and you are one of my very best friends. yes kids, that's right, i'm talking about my mom.
anyways, thursday is the incubus concert with the music. ahh. i really want to go, but i don't have the money to right now. jeremy and i talked about going, but both of us are pretty iffy. also, my show is on at 8 that night and i reeeallly don't want to miss it. oh, how i love killswitch engage. i think i'm going to try, try, try to see them in denver in december. ::crosses fingers:: one can only hope i'm guessing. also, tonight was my last night at work for twelve days. YES! happy happy about that ish, ese. and one more thing before i go, well...two. tonight jennifer told me that she is probably going to get a job in the kitchen, because she's pregnant and can't lift any more than 25 pounds. plus, she's super super skinny, her arm is probably a little, not much, bigger around than my wrist. mayyybe. we're cutting it close. anyways, she was sooo excited when she told me that she was pregnant, i guess she's been trying for quite some time. but on my way out of work tonight, they had her on a stretcher, and were taking her to the emergency room. greta told me that she thought she was having a miscarriage. :( oh golly. i hope she is okay. and the baby too. but mom said everything happens for a reason. she also told me that people meet for a reason. then she smiled and said, maayyybeeee a boy from new jersey and a girl from kansas were supposed to meet for a reason. i love my mom. she knows how to make me smile. :)
anyways, thursday is the incubus concert with the music. ahh. i really want to go, but i don't have the money to right now. jeremy and i talked about going, but both of us are pretty iffy. also, my show is on at 8 that night and i reeeallly don't want to miss it. oh, how i love killswitch engage. i think i'm going to try, try, try to see them in denver in december. ::crosses fingers:: one can only hope i'm guessing. also, tonight was my last night at work for twelve days. YES! happy happy about that ish, ese. and one more thing before i go, well...two. tonight jennifer told me that she is probably going to get a job in the kitchen, because she's pregnant and can't lift any more than 25 pounds. plus, she's super super skinny, her arm is probably a little, not much, bigger around than my wrist. mayyybe. we're cutting it close. anyways, she was sooo excited when she told me that she was pregnant, i guess she's been trying for quite some time. but on my way out of work tonight, they had her on a stretcher, and were taking her to the emergency room. greta told me that she thought she was having a miscarriage. :( oh golly. i hope she is okay. and the baby too. but mom said everything happens for a reason. she also told me that people meet for a reason. then she smiled and said, maayyybeeee a boy from new jersey and a girl from kansas were supposed to meet for a reason. i love my mom. she knows how to make me smile. :)