(no subject)
It is so easy to take something for granted when it's actually happening. Then, when it's over, you wish that you could go back. I can't really elaborate on this because it's posted on the internet for the world to see, and not even my close friends know what I'm talking about. I've been pretty stressed out latly. This is nothing new, for those of you who really know me, but it has been getting a lot worse. I used to stress over things that, in the long run, didn't really matter or make a diference. Now the things I worry about are pretty upsetting, to me at least. The worst thing is, I can't tell anyone. I usually tell everyone everything because my friends are pretty good at giving advice. But with this one, they just wouldn't understand. No one understands and it's really hard for me to learn how to calm MYSELF down. I'm used to having other people do it for me and maybe its time that I learned. The only problem with that is that when your in a crisis, you don't feel like having a learning expirience, you only feel that you want it to be over. And maybe that is half the problem. Because this time, its not ending. I've been waiting for it to pass, like every other unimportant issue that I've delt with, but it hasn't. I'm starting to think that maybe it's not so unimportant, otherwise, wouldn't it be gone by now, after five long monthes? I don't know HOW to make it go away and that is what gets to me the most, because when I'm finally starting to forget about it, something will happen, or I'll think about something that triggers it right back into my messed up head. This isn't like a bad grade, some stupid guy, or an injury that heals, this is something that I will take with me to the grave. I know that sounds pretty rediculous, but it has impacted me in a way that will make me remember it for the rest of my life. Everyone reading this probably thinks that I am the biggest drama queen on Earth. And this, is precisly the reason why no one will ever understand me completly, and why I need to learn how to deal with this on my own.
Always,
Jess
Always,
Jess