(no subject)
I don't know if I'm happy or miserable and have just come to accept it. I don't know if I'm depressed or just screaming for attention; trying to create my own personal sob story.
Why am I the way I am? Why can't I be rational, beautiful, happy, carefree, naiive, brainless, intelligent, optimistic, brilliant, wonderful, confident, real cookie cutted gingerbread?
Why am I surrounded by people that are?
I am happy; I am. I should be. I am.
Why couldn't things be ok with my family and me? Why does my mom always have to either be working or screaming at me? Why can't she be there for me and love me at the same time?
Why couldn't my mom be ok, period. Why does my dad always have to be so controlling? Why do I have to find control by hurting myself? Why do I find control in things that make me spin out of control? Why can't I make sense?
Why am I writing so depressingly when today was so good, along with yesterday, and this weekend? I am happy. My life is good.
Why am I the way I am? Why can't I be rational, beautiful, happy, carefree, naiive, brainless, intelligent, optimistic, brilliant, wonderful, confident, real cookie cutted gingerbread?
Why am I surrounded by people that are?
I am happy; I am. I should be. I am.
Why couldn't things be ok with my family and me? Why does my mom always have to either be working or screaming at me? Why can't she be there for me and love me at the same time?
Why couldn't my mom be ok, period. Why does my dad always have to be so controlling? Why do I have to find control by hurting myself? Why do I find control in things that make me spin out of control? Why can't I make sense?
Why am I writing so depressingly when today was so good, along with yesterday, and this weekend? I am happy. My life is good.