(no subject)
Sometimes I feel like I just let life happen to me. I don't have enough confidence to go out and get what I want or even put myself out there for things for fear of being ridiculed or rejected.
I feel like I'm in love with someone who wouldn't even notice if I dropped off the planet and it makes me feel like a loser to have such strong feelings that aren't reciprocated. Why am I always the single one? I know I like it but often it makes me think that there must be something really wrong with me that nobody would want to be with me.. is it really my choice?
The one thing that is making me really happy right now is my discipline with my excercise, doing something every day - even if it is light exercise like taking the dog for a walk its something that I'm doing for me and something that I can stick with.
I really want to put all my effort into uni this year. Actually do the readings and the tutorial problems and write drafts of essays before the real thing. I want to get my texts now! I want to start preparing and coming up with ideas for my journalism pieces.
Sometimes I think that when I'm all loud and silly like last night I'm not really being me... that maybe people won't like me if I'm not OTT.
I really want interesting and important stuff to happen to me this year and I know I have to make it happen. 2007 was a good year but apart from going to Thailand I don't think it will be a year that I will remember in 5 years time. I want what all my friends have, even when its not going good for them they are having this experience of being with another person and having to let them share their life... I don't know how to do that and I want to learn. I think that I think that if I'm skinny then I'll get all this stuff I want but maybe I won't.
I'm just wondering if I've if my life has got to a point where I don't like it and I have to change alot of things to get it to where I want it. Most of the time I feel happy but then I snap at little things and all my emotions about stuff come out and there are so many things I can list that I want to change... I want me to change.
I feel like I'm in love with someone who wouldn't even notice if I dropped off the planet and it makes me feel like a loser to have such strong feelings that aren't reciprocated. Why am I always the single one? I know I like it but often it makes me think that there must be something really wrong with me that nobody would want to be with me.. is it really my choice?
The one thing that is making me really happy right now is my discipline with my excercise, doing something every day - even if it is light exercise like taking the dog for a walk its something that I'm doing for me and something that I can stick with.
I really want to put all my effort into uni this year. Actually do the readings and the tutorial problems and write drafts of essays before the real thing. I want to get my texts now! I want to start preparing and coming up with ideas for my journalism pieces.
Sometimes I think that when I'm all loud and silly like last night I'm not really being me... that maybe people won't like me if I'm not OTT.
I really want interesting and important stuff to happen to me this year and I know I have to make it happen. 2007 was a good year but apart from going to Thailand I don't think it will be a year that I will remember in 5 years time. I want what all my friends have, even when its not going good for them they are having this experience of being with another person and having to let them share their life... I don't know how to do that and I want to learn. I think that I think that if I'm skinny then I'll get all this stuff I want but maybe I won't.
I'm just wondering if I've if my life has got to a point where I don't like it and I have to change alot of things to get it to where I want it. Most of the time I feel happy but then I snap at little things and all my emotions about stuff come out and there are so many things I can list that I want to change... I want me to change.