(no subject)
Dee's
I choked back tears as I looked up at my singing tutor. She too was crying.
"I’m going to miss you, Dee," she said as I finished the last note of a beautiful song by Schubert.
"I’m going to miss you too, Jean."
Jean had been a second mother to me. Four hours of singing a week for nine years, we had become very close. She was elderly, and was amused by my hoodie and low riding jeans when we had first met, but she soon learnt to look past the clothes. I wasn’t a shy ten-year-old with her skateboard tucked under her arm with piano scores and sonatas anymore - I was a loud nineteen-year-old with a skateboard tucked under her arm with piano scores and sonatas. I hugged Jean good bye, and then walked out of the tiny wooden attic where my life had been for the last time.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I looked around my empty room one last time. I held my favorite possessions - my bass guitar, and my Cactus backpack stuffed with my music, my skateboard and my ballet shoes. My dyed blonde hair hung at my shoulders, shocking pink streaks…well…looking shocking. I whispered good bye to my room, and closed the door behind me.
I don’t know why I was sad. I was going to Seattle - the place I had wanted to live in for forever. Ever since I was seven years old. Sure, I was going to be a far way away from my home country of New Zealand, but still, it was Seattle. And I wasn’t leaving that much behind. Music, dance, family, and not many friends, but it was still my home. It’s not like your going to be alone, Dee, I told myself as I threw my suitcase in the trunk of the taxi waiting to take me to the airport. I was going to be living with two girls I had met when I was 15. The three of us bonded immediately over the Internet, and had always talked about going to Seattle, but to be honest, I never thought it would happen. I was still in dumbfounded awe when I got to the airport - I was leaving New Zealand.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
I got out of the taxi in Seattle, tired and bored. Hey, you would be too if you had just sat on a plane for 26 hours. I looked up at the brick apartment building looming over me - this is my new home. It was nice.
The three of us were going to share a studio/apartment, with three bedrooms, a bathroom, a living room, and a kitchen. I looked at the key I held in my hand - engraved on the silver circle was ‘41’, the number of the apartment. I walked up the stairs, pulling my suitcase behind me, until I came to a wooden door with 41 written on the front of it. I unlocked the door. And gasped when I saw the apartment.
Hardwood floors. A ballerinas dream. I was the first one here, and I couldn’t resist - I put my bag on the ground, and pulled my en pointe shoes. I laced the pink ribbons up my legs, and then let my imagination soar. It must have been about an hour before I sat down to take a breather. I took a sip of the water bottle I pulled out of my bag, and then stood back up. I was spinning around the room, when…
"Deirdre?"
I stopped spinning, and looked at the source of my name. She was small - blonde hair pulled back into a loose ponytail, her black hoody hanging over her black bondage pants with red straps. She smiled.
"Deirdre?" She asked again. I nodded.
"I’m Regan."
"Oh my god!" I ran towards her, and pulled her into a tight hug.
"It’s so good to finally meet you!" I gushed. My best friend for four years, and here I was, meeting her for the first time.
________________
I woke up that morning angry and tired. Shit. I tried looking at my watch but NO Sid had taken it last night. Fuck. I groaned and rolled over, thinking about when Steve had gone home the night before. He was utterly amazing, Funny, sweet, and liked me as much as I liked him, which was wicked. Damn. I really liked this guy, didn’t I? I thought about my promise to myself three years ago…after Damien. I promised never to fall in love. Ever. He had been my first love; he had opened the oyster and stolen the pearl, as Steve had so kindly described it as the night before. I laughed, and rolled over in bed, pulling the pillow over my face. After about three minutes of staring into the pillow and not breathing, I cracked up laughing and had like a random spastic fit. AH I need to dance, I thought, getting out of bed and pulling my ballet shoes on, I have too much energy! After a few minutes of toe exercises, I took my shoes off and put on my skaters. I walked downtown to Southern Institute of Dancing, and walked inside.
"Hi," I said to the receptionist, who was a petite blonde woman who looked like a dancer herself. She looked up at me and smiled.
"Hello, can I help you?"
I nodded.
"I had an audition for a ballet teacher here yesterday, but my…my car broke down and I couldn’t get here. I just moved into an apartment down the road, so I didn’t have a phone to call the Institute from. Has the position been filled?" Whoa. Talk about a speedy excuse. But I couldn’t very well say that I was having wild sex on the floor, could I? Thankfully, she smiled.
"No, dear the position hasn’t been filled. What was your name? I think that there is room for an audition in about an hour."
"Thank you so much! My name is Dee Lowry."
"Lowry…ok dear, in an hour you’ll be dancing."
"Thank you!"
"Do you need the number of a garage?" she asked as I turned away.
"Huh?" what the fuck was she talking about?
"For your car, dear."
"Um, I don’t have a…"
OHHHH. My CAR!!
"OH!" I exclaimed. I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks.
"Yeah, that would be great, thank you," I smiled, and took the piece of paper she had scribbled a number on. I thanked her again, and left the building. (a/n lmao! DEE HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!! ::dumb silence:: you know….Elvis?? ::shakes head:: nevermind…)
~~~2 hours later~~~
I stood breathless in front of the panel of dancers. I felt like a twelve-year-old again, before my Grade four ballet exam. For the past hour, I had been dancing my ass off for a job as a ballet teacher for sixteen-year-olds. I was now being stared at, the auditioners obviously deciding if they wanted me or not. The one in the middle stood up. She held her hand out.
"Welcome to the Southern Institute of Dancing, Miss Lowry," She said, I almost jumped with happiness. I shook her hand.
"Thank you!" I gushed, "When do I start?"
"Your first class is tomorrow afternoon at noon. And I expect your car will be fixed?"
I stared at her. What the fuck was it with people and my non-existent car today? Oh. Right. My ‘car’, fucking Steves brain out.
"Yes," I agreed, "it will be fine by tomorrow."
I thanked them again, and walked back to my apartment. YES! I got a goddamn job! The first thing I did after I had a shower was call Steve. We decided to go out that night, because he had a ‘surprise’ for me. He told me to dress nicely…little did he know that for me, ‘nicely’ was my slate gray Dickies, white pulled up socks, white World Industries skate shirt and my gray beanie. Thank god, that was his opinion of nicely dressed also. We went to a fancy restaurant in downtown Seattle, a nice little Italian place. I love Italian food, but after realizing that I was wearing a white shirt, I ordered chicken and cheese filled pasta with grated cheese. That’s one thing that sucked about being a dancer - you had to watch what you eat. And for the nine years that I sang, alcohol and orange juice was a major no-no. There was a shit load of discipline that came with wanting to dance and sing.
"So what was the surprise?" I asked Steve, holding his hand across the table. My mind was still reeling from getting the teaching position - I had looked at my schedule that the receptionist had hastily shoved in my hand, and the next week I had off because of ballet competitions that my girls were competing in It was funny, I still hadn’t taught a class and I was already looking forward to the holidays! Steve smiled at me, and took two plane tickets out of his pocket.
"What are these?" I asked him.
"Tickets to Vancouver. I know that you are originally from there, and I thought it would be good for you to go back and see all your old friends."
"Steve! That is so sweet! Thank you! But there are two tickets here?"
Steve started to blush.
"I was thinking that I could go with you. I really like the way this relationship has started, and I know that its soon to be going away together, but I would really like to spend some time with you, and…" I cut him off (Hey! He was starting to ramble!) with a sweet kiss on his lips.
"Thank you, Steve," I whispered again before he pulled me back for another kiss.
___________________________
I folded my last shirt and put it into my bag. I looked down, and saw that my black suitcase was full of perfectly folded clothes. Fuck that shit man, and I reached inside, tore all my clothes out and then shoved them all back in. ah, the bliss of rebellion.
I pulled my suitcase off of the bed, and carried it out to the hallway. When I opened my door, I came face to face with Sid and Regan.
"Hey guys!" I chirped, knowing that even though how hard I ‘chirped’ I knew that they were pissed that I was leaving. After all, who was going to make their lunches, do their laundry, make their beds…their fucking mother, I was.
"Deirdre," Sid said shortly, moving for me to get passed. Shit, they really were angry with me. Fuck. I looked up at them and then moved my suitcase to the door; I looked quickly at my watch. 11.30 am. Steve would be here any second. I turned back around. I looked into Regans face. A tear fell from her face.
"Don’t go Dee!" she cried, and ran towards me. I was a bit surprised when Sid did the same. You see Sidney isn’t exactly…affectionate, if you may. Sure, she’s as cuddly as the next punk, but she rarely HUGS. I pulled my two best friends into a group hug with me, and cried.
"I’ll miss you guys!" I laughed.
"God, she’ll only be gone for a week!" another voice chipped in. the three of us turned to see Steve holding my bag and standing at the door.
"Shut up Steve," Regan mumbled from her position of having her face smooshed into my shoulder. Steve laughed.
"Sorry to break up this extremely girly moment," he said, " but Dee, the plane leaves in an hour. We really have to move our asses and get there."
I nodded reluctantly.
"I’ll see you guys in a week," I said quietly, and the other girls nodded. They waved me good bye and as I walked to the cab waiting outside, Sid leaned out the window.
"OI, DEE!"
I looked up. She continued yelling.
"DON’T FUCK STEVE TOO MANY TIMES ON THE PLANE! THOSE TOILETS ARE ONLY SO BIG, Y’KNOW!"
I leaned back in my airplane seat. Ah, this is the life. I looked over at Steve. He was leaning down in his seat, almost trying to, um, HIDE from something. Suddenly, I heard a high squeal from the back.
"AH! It is he, Betsy! It’s Steve Jocz!"
Three teenage girls ran up to his seat.
"Oh my god," one of then rambled, "I like totally LOVE your band. Hey, like, where’s, like, Deryck? Why isn’t he, like, with you?"
Steve blushed.
"Deryck is back in Seattle," he replied. One of the girls shoved a piece of paper under his nose.
"Can you, like sign this for me? You are like so totally hot!" she screamed. Steve blushed more furiously then before. What the fuck was going on? Why did they want his autograph? I looked at Steve in confusion, who just blushed again.
"What’s your name?" he asked the girl, who said her name and he wrote it down. He signed all of the girls’ pieces of paper, and then they went to sit back down. He looked over at me.
"Dee," he started, " I have something to tell you."
I stared into his blue eyes.
"Steve," I whispered, "I don’t care about any of that. You’re still my Steve, that’s all that matters, not the money, not the fame. Just you. That’s all I want."
He smiled, and wrapped his arms around me. He pulled back a wee bit, and I shivered when I felt his lips brush my ear.
"So how big are those toilets anyway?" he whispered.
So what? My boyfriend was in a famous punk band. Okay, so maybe I do care a wee bit, I mean, come on, he’s famous for fucks sake! But I won’t let that make me stay with him. Definatly not.
I looked back at his face. God, I have never felt this way about anyone. Wait. No. I have only known him for just over a week. I couldn’t be…could I? After Damien…feeling this way has broken all my rules to life. Steve turned to look at me.
"What’s wrong babe?" he asked, taking my chin in his hand. God, his hand was so warm. It sent tingles up and down my spine. Fuck, this is not good. Dee, don’t say it. Don’t let him say it. Please. I shook my head in response.
"N - nothing." I faked a smile. He seemed satisfied with this response.
"DING DONG, we are now arriving sat Vancouver airport. Please take your seats and fasten your seatbelts for our descent."
I sighed, and did as the fake attendant lady told us to do. Fuck. I don’t know if I want to spend a week with Steve anymore.
"Dee, can we, um, talk?"
I turned around to face Steve. We had been in Vancouver for a 3days already, and we were hanging out in the hotel room.
"What?" I asked him. He smiled.
"I think I’m falling in love with you. Actually, I know I am."
"Okay…"
"I love you, Dee."
Meg
Tonight was the night of the party. Dee had always said no to parties, too loud plus we did live in an appartment building and we should have consideration for others. Consideration for othes, what a joke. I looked up after taking my shoes off and yelped in surprise. Deryck was sitting on the couch grinning at me.
-"I got here early" he chuckled, I threw my wet jacket at him.
-"Yah I noticed jackass you scared the shit out of me." Just as I finished my sentence Regan walked in and grabbed a few peices of semi breakable decorations. She looked up at me and grinned.
-"You're boyfriend's here" she winked cheesily then strolled out grabbing a lamp on her way. I rolled my eyes then threw myself down beside Deryck.
-"I invited some friends. Hope you dont mind" I just shrugged debating wheter or not I should put on some dry clothes. Eventually I got up, leaving Deryck on the couch and slammed my bedroom door shut.I always slam doors, I'm always loud. I dont know why I'm weird. I pulled off my wet clothes cringing at the suction sound they made then randomly grabbed a patched demin skirt and my old old old River City Rebels top. By the time I made my way back to the couch at least a dozen guests had already arrived. A guy I didnt recognize was fucking with the cd player and within seconds some unknown Crust band exploded through the speakers. Regan adjusted the volume a bit then retreated back to the kitchen. I got up to help and Deryck followed.
-"Need any help there hostess?" I joked grabbing a Rev from the fridge. She shook her head taking in a huge gulp of Vodka then left us in the kitchen. "Der, if you want something just grab it" he sorted through our assortment of drinks and opted for a beer.
-"Thanks" we walked back into the living room and to our shock at least 30 more people had shown up.
-"Good god, they're multiplying" I laughed weaving my way through the crowd, drinking too much too fast and greeting people as I came across them. I looked back a few seconds later and realized in shock I had lost Deryck somewhere in the ever growing crowd. I spotted Regan sitting on the couch deep in coversation with some grunge cadet type of guy I flopped myself down on the otherside of her and grabbed her drink. She turned and glared at me but I finished it off with a grin.
-"This is....Uhh" she looked back the guy and he yelled out "Ben"
-"Ben!?" I repeated laughing hystericly. They both looked at me in confusion and I handed Regan the empty bottle. "I dont think I need anymore" I shook my head smiling then left to find Deryck.
-"You're boyfriend is over there!" Regan yelled pointed towards the door, I flipped her off but pushed my way towards the door anyway. I found Deryck deep in a semi drunken coversation with a tall skinny black haired kid. I walked up to join them.
-"SID!" Deryck threw an arm around me and I ignored the "kind of weak knee" feeling I got blaming it on the drunken-ness. "Great I was just looking for you! This here is Jay but dont call him that. Call him Cone"
-"Why the fuck would I call him Cone!?" I scanned him from top to bottom and made an instant match. Regan would love this guy. "COME MEET MY FRIEND!" I yelled grabbing his wrist and pulling him through the crowd. Deryck followed closely behind. This'll be great. I'll set her up with someone to take her mind off....Off of Jay..Jay..What the fuck was his last name!? I stopped dead in my tracks trying to push through the hazy drunken-ness to summon some sort of a memory. Hadn't she mentioned something about him? Damn my never asking about Regan's love life. I looked back at Jay and tried to follow the misplaced expression that had crossed his face. He was staring at Regan. Oh shit. I turned and left Jay, not 5 feet from Regan and drug Deryck to the opposite side of the appartment.
-"That was weird...." Deryck trailed off then scanned the emptier area were found ourselves in. "Oh! You've gotta meet Dave!" this time it was Deryck's turn to lead me in circles around the crowd until we found Deryck's friend. "DAVE!!" this caught the guy's attention and he turned around and grinned,.
-"Is that Sid?" he asked extending a hand for me to shake. He seemed pretty damn sober. I shook his hand clumsily and nodded. "Great party, Deryck's mentioned you"
-"Shut the fuck up Dave, you're drunk you crazy drunk" me and Deryck left Dave hastily and wandered around laughing and drinking and introducing each other to people neither of us knew but I stopped dead when I walked past Regan's room. Pressing my ear against the door I could faintly hear the sounds of Nirvana. Damn. Regan's upset. I'm a horrible person to talk to when you're upset and more than likely ten times worse in my current state of drunkenness but it's probably my fault she's upset so I mumbled a quick excuse to Deryck then opened the door slowly.
-"Regan" I hissed loud even for her to hear. She looked up at me and frowned
-"Who the fuck invited Jay?" I looked at my feet guiltily.
-"Well...I Invited Deryck and he brought along his band members"
-"Deryck and Jay are in a band together!?"
-"YAh..They're like..right famous and shit" we both laughed although I'm pretty sure neither of us saw the humour in our situation.
-"Christ you're drunk Sid" Regan laughed getting out of bed and dragging me back into the belly of the party. "As long as I dont see Jay again I'll be fine" she assured me and as if on cue Deryck, Dave, and yes, Jay bounded up to me. Jay and Regan froze staring at each other and an uneasy silence fell upon our group. That is, until Deryck decides to shatter it by pushing Jay into Regan. Having brought down at least 3 other guests the two screamed as they land in a mess of arms and legs.
Regan and Jay holled up and talked until 4 am when he left with Deryck and Dave. I watched Deryck go, a weird feeling erupting in the pit of my stomach. It's true he's just a really good friend and friendship is golden but I couldn't help thinking regret is a whore with wings. Before all the guests even had the chance to leave an angry sounding knocking turned my blood cold. I staggered to the door and pulled it open. Oh god, the landlord guy.
-"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?! I'VE BEEN CALLING AND KNOCKING SINCE MIDNIGHT" I watched little fleks of spit fly out of his mouth and stiffled laughter. This, needless to say, hardly helped my siutation and his face turned 10 shades of red. "I WANT YOU THREE OUT OF THIS BUILDING BY THIS TIME TOMORROW" My jaw dropped and from behind me I heard Regan moan loudly. The door slammed shut in my face and I just stood staring in disbelife at the wood finishing.
-"That sucks" a group of stangers mumbled pushing past me to leave. Yes, regret is indeed a whore with wings.
_____________________________
I explained what happened to Deryck. At first he laughed at me then the seriousness of my situation dawned on him and his mouth turned down into a frown. God he's cute. We were sitting in the record shop listing to some David Bowie and counting the hours until I got off. He was later than usual, they had been at the studio or something.
-"Where's Regan staying?"
-"With Jay"
-"Cone"
-"I"m not calling him Cone"
-"Fine..You wanna stay with me?" I looked at him trying to figure out if his invitation was genuine.
-"Yah, that'd be great. You wouldn't mind?"
-"Naw, hell, it might even be fun"
-"I'm not very fun"
-"I know" we started laughing and made the decision to close up early. Hell, who's gonna miss us?..
Derycks temporary appartment was nothing great. Kinda messy, smelt oddly familiar, like Deryck, it smelt exactly like Deryck. Clothing was strewn all over the place and fast food boxes were piled on the table.
-"Very glamorous" I joked picking up an armfull of garbage and dumping it. Deryck just shrugged then flopped down on the couch.
-"Cant say I have anyone to impress" I noted a hint of...something in his voice but I ignored it and sat down beside him.
-"Why dont you have a girlfriend?" I asked ignoring the unimpressed look that came across his face.
-"Why bother? Women begin by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking his retreat" (a/n: Congrats to anyone who knows who wrote that!). I laughed loudly enjoying Derycks sudden pessimism.
-"Spoken like a true cynic"
-"Shut up"
-"It's true! I bet you know the price of everything and the value of nothing" before Deryck could reply there was a knock on the door.
"S'not locked" he yelled over his shoulder and I watched the guy from the party walk in. Jesus, I must have been severly drunk last night because I hadn't noticed how beautiful he was. To call him hot would be like calling Dickens' an okay writer, or Janis Joplin an okay singer. He wasn't hot, he was beautiful. I caught myself staring and looked away embarassed
-"Hey am I interrupting something?" he closed the door behind him and Deryck just shook his head. "Great, I'm bored to fuck. What are you two up to? Oh hey! Your party was really fun" I grinned. He remembered me!
-"Thanks"
-"They got kicked out of their appartment"
-"Jesus that's rough" he sat down beside me, our legs barly touching and I inhaled sharply. Deryck caught my nervous behaviour and smirked at me.
-"Yah" I squeaked.
-"So she's staying here for a bit...You remember her name?" Dave nodded.
-"Sid was it?" I nodded grinning like an escaped lunatic. "So what are you guys' plans for tonight?" Dave looked from me to Deryck and we both shrugged.
-"I kinda wanted to lay down some more vocal tracks" Deryck grinned his eyes lighting up at the prospect of getting ahead on the new cd but Dave just groaned.
-"I just got back from the studio. How about you go do that and I'll hang out here with Sid" My eyes widened and I tried to nod without Dave noticing. Deryck smiled then agreed and quickly grabbed his stuff giving me a retarded looking thumbs up on his way out. Once the door shut behind him me and Dave sat in silence just staring at the flickering tv.
-"So did you like the party" I asked kicking myself mentally for sounding like a 16 year old. He smiled and nodded.
-"Yah it was pretty good, I'm sorry you got kicked out of your place for it"
-"Wasn't your fault"
-"Well, indirectly it was. I was at the party. So uh..What's up with you and Deryck, are you two...together or something like that?"
-"No, we're just friends"
-"Oh...Well..That's cool..Friends are cool..I'm sorry I sound like an idiot"
-"No that's okay, I'm the one acting like a 16 year old" we both chuckled a bit then I looked away. Good god this guy was great.
-"So uh Deryck tells me you work at a record store..."
-"Yah. It's okay. I'd rather get paid to play guitar" I grinned at him and he just laughed a bit.
-"You play guitar?"
-"No I dont"
-"Oh..." there was a long pause and I leaned in and kissed him hard. His eyes widened but neither of us broke the kiss. He laid back bringing me with him and we seperated long enough to take a breath of air before we crushed our lips together again. Dave's back hit the cd player remote and suddenly The Methadones bursted through the speakers and we smiled, our lips still pressed together. "Here's some great makeout music" Dave joked his lips brushing against mine. I broke away from his mouth and kissed a line down his neck excited to get some clothes off this fine specimen of a man..And that's all the details you're getting...
The next morning I woke up and the full memory of what I had done crushed me. Jesus Christ I had sex with him. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? I groaned and climbed out of the bed avoiding looking at Dave. Sleeping.Naked.Wow. I shook my head and grabbed my bra and underwear off the floor. When did we move to Deryck's room? Goddamnit. I dressed quickly and hurried into the kitchen area of the appartment. Deryck was still sleeping on the couch. I poured myself some Rum and Coke and walked to the balcony looking over the still sleeping city. Well the mostly sleeping city. I was awair of someone sitting beside me and I didn';t even have to look. Deryck.
-"She shoots she scores" Deryck chuckled quietly I just nodded looking back into the appartment. "So are you two going out now or what?" I looked over at Deryck endlessly amused.
-"That is so cute!"
-"What?"
-"Me and Dave fuck so now we're dating! Deryck that is such a virgin thing to say" I laughed downing my drink. He raised an eyebrow at my comment.
-"Okay. Firstly, I am not a virgin and second..So what the hell? Are you just gonna up and leave"
-"I never said that" we sat on the balcony for hours talking and laughing until our conversation was stopped short by a loud knocking on the door. Walking through the appartment I was amazed to see Dave still sleeping. The knocking grew louder and me and Deryck raced for the door. A race which I, needless to say won. Opening the door I was kinda shocked to see Regan standing there.
-"What!?" I spat
-"I'm taking you and Dee out for lunch..it should be fun...and I got a job!"
-"Where are you working now?" a look of panic and guilt came across her face
-"Gap" I slammed the door laughing
all i have.