i don't understand.

[_my_incentive]

i don't understand why it happend. was it THAT bad? every few minutes my thoughts go back to him, and it scares me. could his life have been THAT bad? we had one class together, and in that one class, he proved himself to be halarious, and despite what his grades showed, he was smart. i just don't get it. i never noticed the signs. and though it may be selfish, i think if i had taken the time to notice him as more than the class clown or a partner for projects, i could have been able to help. i'll never know if could have made a difference, because now it's too late. i just don't know why he did it? i can't wrap my head around the subject. but maybe my lack of understanding of just how bad things could be makes me one of the lucky ones. out of all the people he considered friends, i would have been perhaps the last person who he would think he made an impact on. i'll never understand, no one will.

chris, where ever you are, i hope things are looking up.