go easy on me.
and it's you i see, but you dont see me. and its you i hear so loud and so clear.
i want to cry in the worst possible way. i can feel it, the tears are there. i want to sleep my days away again. but i can't. because all i do is stay up and think. think about how i want to change the way i feel. maybe change the way you feel? i dont want to think anymore. i want to be as carefree as i say i am. i want answers, to questions i haven't asked. so why dont i ask? simple, im scared out of my mind. scared of your reaction. scared of your answer. scared of the look on your face. scared that i will be labeled and an obnoxious girl. scared of hearing what i expect to hear. i want so much more then i lead people to believe. im so tired of hearing about whats out there, and what other people have that i dont have. I WANT IT. i WANT to know more. i want to hear you talk till you're out of breath. i want to learn so much. TEACH ME FOR GOD'S SAKE. im begging you. would it honestly be that hard? i dont know, maybe i havent given this enough thought. maybe i have been to busy writting this off as nothing, to realize that it could be something. or maybe i'm just getting my hopes up. i know what i need, i need to stop. stop thinking the worst, and live in the moment. take every word as it is, and not read into it. maybe "hey" doesnt mean "oh god its her again" maybe it's truly a "hey". maybe my heart just dropped. maybe that lump in my throat won't last. and the funny part is, no one knows what im talking about. the one person who might, won't read this. but i wish they would, so i wouldn't have to say any of this aloud. i wouldn't physically be able to. my lips wont part. but my fingertips, well they dont seem to mind.
and just a side note to kill the tone of this whole entry.. the bank has seriously got to adjust its hours. its driving me insane. literally...
i want to cry in the worst possible way. i can feel it, the tears are there. i want to sleep my days away again. but i can't. because all i do is stay up and think. think about how i want to change the way i feel. maybe change the way you feel? i dont want to think anymore. i want to be as carefree as i say i am. i want answers, to questions i haven't asked. so why dont i ask? simple, im scared out of my mind. scared of your reaction. scared of your answer. scared of the look on your face. scared that i will be labeled and an obnoxious girl. scared of hearing what i expect to hear. i want so much more then i lead people to believe. im so tired of hearing about whats out there, and what other people have that i dont have. I WANT IT. i WANT to know more. i want to hear you talk till you're out of breath. i want to learn so much. TEACH ME FOR GOD'S SAKE. im begging you. would it honestly be that hard? i dont know, maybe i havent given this enough thought. maybe i have been to busy writting this off as nothing, to realize that it could be something. or maybe i'm just getting my hopes up. i know what i need, i need to stop. stop thinking the worst, and live in the moment. take every word as it is, and not read into it. maybe "hey" doesnt mean "oh god its her again" maybe it's truly a "hey". maybe my heart just dropped. maybe that lump in my throat won't last. and the funny part is, no one knows what im talking about. the one person who might, won't read this. but i wish they would, so i wouldn't have to say any of this aloud. i wouldn't physically be able to. my lips wont part. but my fingertips, well they dont seem to mind.
and just a side note to kill the tone of this whole entry.. the bank has seriously got to adjust its hours. its driving me insane. literally...