(no subject)
Wow. Tonight was.. odd. I truly believe that I wasn't myself for about 20 or 30 minutes. But hey who am I anyway? Ive got people telling me that Im one person, when I feel like Im another. People tell me they expect things of me.. I dont know.. Im just a little lost. What happened? How the hell did I get here? What the fucks going on? All i know is somethings missing. Somethings not right. I dont know how to get it back. God. I try so hard you know? I try so hard to make everything ok, to make everything.. happy. Its so hard. Sometimes I just want to give up. But I cant. Thats not how I am. If theres a problem, then its like my brain switches into this tunnel vision mode. All I can see is: a Solution. Whats the solution? What do i have to do to make everything ok again? I feel responsible all the time. Even if somethings not my fault. I just feel like no one else is going to try and fix it so it has to be me. I just.. I have to do something. I dont know what it is though. I have to make everything alright. I have to get myself out of this hole Ive fallen into.
Man.. sometimes Im just like.. "WHY ME?" you know? Im a fucking good person. For the most part, I do everything I can to make people, and myself happy. (myself coming in second of course). Why do I get betrayed? Why do people treat me like shit when Im fucking nice? Why do people mock me when Im being honest, and pouring my fucking heart out? Why do people say things like "when no one else is there for you, i will be" "thats what we're here for" "dont worry about that. we know the deal and thats all that matters" "you can trust me" -- IF THEY TAKE THEM BACK LATER? Saying things in anger is understandable, everyone gets mad. But saying things like THAT.. you dont say unless you mean them. I WOULD NEVER EVER INTENTIONALLY HURT SOMEONE UNLESS THEY HURT ME. I dont understand why I always have to feel like almost everyone is fucking against me. WHY?!! Dear God someone tell me why. What the hell have I done, huh? I dont know. WHY ME? Why not pour all the bad shit on people who actually deserve it. Dont take my friends from me, turn them against me. I mean, god, i know everything supposedly happens for a reason.. OKAY WELL.. GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON WHY I AM SO FUCKING DEPRESSED RIGHT NOW PLEASE. YEA THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Man.. sometimes Im just like.. "WHY ME?" you know? Im a fucking good person. For the most part, I do everything I can to make people, and myself happy. (myself coming in second of course). Why do I get betrayed? Why do people treat me like shit when Im fucking nice? Why do people mock me when Im being honest, and pouring my fucking heart out? Why do people say things like "when no one else is there for you, i will be" "thats what we're here for" "dont worry about that. we know the deal and thats all that matters" "you can trust me" -- IF THEY TAKE THEM BACK LATER? Saying things in anger is understandable, everyone gets mad. But saying things like THAT.. you dont say unless you mean them. I WOULD NEVER EVER INTENTIONALLY HURT SOMEONE UNLESS THEY HURT ME. I dont understand why I always have to feel like almost everyone is fucking against me. WHY?!! Dear God someone tell me why. What the hell have I done, huh? I dont know. WHY ME? Why not pour all the bad shit on people who actually deserve it. Dont take my friends from me, turn them against me. I mean, god, i know everything supposedly happens for a reason.. OKAY WELL.. GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON WHY I AM SO FUCKING DEPRESSED RIGHT NOW PLEASE. YEA THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH