wow...

[_monk_]

y does this feel so weird... so bad. ill try to stay possitive but how can i be wiht this feeling that seems so familiar. it has happened before, this feelings is always rite... im always rite when i get this, im just not sure that its really this feeling, i hope not. not now. i dont want that to happen now. but through it all it just seems so similar... and i dunno waht to do but have fear that it will happen. we only live once, i just wish we realized that and treated the ppl that deserve it with more care, they are the ones that will be there for u and in this one life. Yet most ppl dont see that and dont care, just throw ur close ones away, but then again who is close?
i just want to be happy, i dont want anything to go wrong, yet i forsee the inevitable, and it will not be my choice but anothers. once again i will lose. i always lose. one way or another. i can never fully win. there must be a way for me to get passed this, for me not to fail again. i do not want to be a failure in this, i dont. I wanna just see the sunset without having to worry about a knife near my broken stone. is it really inevitable... im a pesimist... i only see my loss, and as much hope as i can conjure, it wont be enough to make things rite, it wont be enough to come out victorious, to come out happy having beaten the odds that have built against me since birth. maybe