(no subject)
Okay, Be prepared, this is a bunch of crap about whats going on with me, i can't talk to my family because they basically don't exist, so all i have left is the people who are bored enough to read my what i have to say. Have you ever sat and wondered, why me? I just don't understand why this happened, and there is no physically possible way to change it, or make it better. Well today I realized how much I have lost control of my life. My moms sister was diagnosed with brain cancer, and my mom decided she'd move out there with her. So, in about 3 months my mom is planning on leaving me. Most of you know, I don't get along with my Dad at all, as a matter of fact most of the time i HATE him, but now i'm going to be stuck living with him, and theres no way I'll be able to just be like "mom i want to see you, come get me" i'll see her maybe 3 or 4 times a year. Along with all that my mom used to be the only family i had that i could talk to, and that actually showed affection, that did things with me, that i could have fun with, but within the past few months, all i've gotten from her is "I hate you", "I'm done with you", "I thought ide be sad, but i don't even care about you anymore". We don't get along at all anymore, which practically breaks my heart. Now, i'm left with no family, i can't talk to anyone, i can't do anything with anyone in my family, it almost seems like i'm just stuck with them. If i didn't have the friends i have, i don't know how ide survive. You guys are my life. Honestly, lately i've been smoking more than i ever have, almost everyday, and it's messing with me, i think that's part of my problems right now, i think it's changed who i was, and made me somone i don't want to be, so i'm oging to work on quitting, slowly but surely, i've said this a million times before, and never done it, but if i actually want to try to be happy again, i guess i'm going to have to. I'm sorry if this seems like an "emo" post, or it's going on forever, you don't have to keep reading if you dont want too. But anyways, my grades suck right now, and it's just the beginning of the year, i have 3 solids, and i can hardly pass. I probably wont be able to drive when I would be able to, because i wont have a "b average" which in order to get my license, i have to have. It's weird, i don't think i've ever had to deal with shit like this before, i mean it's too much. My dad and step mom are now having "problems?", if i lose my step sister too, i think i'll die. Everyones problems seem to have crashed down on me. My mom's taking her anger about her sister down on me, i understand shes sad, but its making my life hell to be the target of her emotions, she hasn't told me she loves me in months, and meant it. My dad, his brothers going through rehab, plus him and my step mom are having trouble, all that, guess what? it's come down on me. I just need a break i guess, all this pressure, everyones problems, my problems. It's all seeming like everything right now is pretty much worthless. I guess i'm done complaining now, thanks if you read this and cared. Sorry for complaining, i'm really not normally like this. :(