(no subject)
I get really frustrated sometimes, especially when it concerns money, or my mother. Especially so when it involves the two.
I recently found out that my college has been dishonest about our school year schedualing. My entire class and I were under the impression that school would be over come the end of September, co-op and all.
I just found out, through another student, not the administration, that school was indeed over come the end of September... but not he co-op. The placement was to stretch into November.
The issue here is, that alot of the students, mainly single parents, rely on OSAP as their primary source of income. OSAP is provided for a designated amount of time. Our time being until the end of September. This means that we have practically, if not absolutely no income for the two months that follow, and Heaven forbid, the months without employment.
That being said, I'm preparing for the worst. That means reviewing my budget for the umpteenth time.
As it stands, I'm spending over $1000 a month on amenities such as rent, daycare (now $480 a month), cell phone, and general items such a diapers (providing for 4 locations now), milk, bottled water since our tap water is salty, transportation, and medications. Not to mention clothes and shoes for a growing boy.
Sure, I spent money that I shouldn't on things like lunches at school, the odd used movie or an article of clothing once in a while. Clearly, this will have to stop.
I've concluded that for my budget to last until October, I can only spend:
Rent: $365
Cell: $40
Daycare: $480
General: $150
If it weren't for things like my Child Tax Benefit, and Orphans' Benefit, I would not be able to survive on my own.
I've tried to get a job, but because my hours are so scattered, no one wants to hire me. I'm currently collecting unwanted items of mine to sell for some extra cash, and I'm thinking of taking a labour job during my two weeks off this summer.
I'm not bitter whatsoever. I know that these things are minor sacrifices to remain as independent as possible, and to maintain my dignity and to keep my future finances from my mother. Not to mention that there will be easier times in the not too distant future, and that gives me hope.
Today, I brought up the topic to my mother. I put forth the idea of reducing my rent from $365, to $300. Reason being is that because she buys things for me throughout the month, she adds the cost to my rent, thereby increasing my rent to fit those purchases. My rent by the end of the month is far into the $400 bracket.
She didn't like this idea, but once I mentioned that if finances don't pick up, she'll have to pay for everything come October, she started to listen a little more.
Unfortunately, my mother feels the need to exercise control tactics on people's finances. Therefore, she's only up to the idea if she's able to be incontrol of my budget.
I expressed to her that the majority of my 'budget' goes to her anyways. She feels that I'm missing some income somewhere in my budget deduction that she would be able to find.
As you can all see with my break down earlier in this rant, that is my budget. That's all of it.
I explained this to her, but she got defensive and asked me what my problem was with sharing my budget with her. I explained that there was nothing to share.
So there's my dilema.
I'm very frustrated but it's practically at the point now where her attitude is so persistent and vile, that I haven't the energy to even argue it. What can I do?
Everyone from my boyfriend, best friends, and even my father now simply say "Don't do any of it."
But what else am I supposed to do? Sure, not giving my mother my student loan money would solve my financial issues, but the emotional strain on everyone in this household would be tremendous.
I hate that I can't even stand up to my own mother. She's getting old, and she's clearly suffering from some mental issues. In all honesty, I should be the one in charge considering in less than 10 years, she'll easily be coming to me for support and help.
I don't like letting someone control me, and I'm not entirely sure why I let her get away with it.
I feel the need to sit down and shut up because you can't change someone, least of all someone who had no idea that they're doing something wrong or hurtful.
I feel at a loss, and am very angry. Angry, but most of all emotionally exhausted.
As a daughter, a person, and most of all as a parent, I cannot understand how someone could treat their daughter, only daughter and first born at that. Not to mention the mother of their only grandchild, the way my mother treats me. I really can't.
And there are people who probably thing I exaggerate. I really wish I did.
So, that being said, my hands are tied. I'm frustrated and most days, I really wish she'd just disapear.
Hopefully this time next year all will be different.
I recently found out that my college has been dishonest about our school year schedualing. My entire class and I were under the impression that school would be over come the end of September, co-op and all.
I just found out, through another student, not the administration, that school was indeed over come the end of September... but not he co-op. The placement was to stretch into November.
The issue here is, that alot of the students, mainly single parents, rely on OSAP as their primary source of income. OSAP is provided for a designated amount of time. Our time being until the end of September. This means that we have practically, if not absolutely no income for the two months that follow, and Heaven forbid, the months without employment.
That being said, I'm preparing for the worst. That means reviewing my budget for the umpteenth time.
As it stands, I'm spending over $1000 a month on amenities such as rent, daycare (now $480 a month), cell phone, and general items such a diapers (providing for 4 locations now), milk, bottled water since our tap water is salty, transportation, and medications. Not to mention clothes and shoes for a growing boy.
Sure, I spent money that I shouldn't on things like lunches at school, the odd used movie or an article of clothing once in a while. Clearly, this will have to stop.
I've concluded that for my budget to last until October, I can only spend:
Rent: $365
Cell: $40
Daycare: $480
General: $150
If it weren't for things like my Child Tax Benefit, and Orphans' Benefit, I would not be able to survive on my own.
I've tried to get a job, but because my hours are so scattered, no one wants to hire me. I'm currently collecting unwanted items of mine to sell for some extra cash, and I'm thinking of taking a labour job during my two weeks off this summer.
I'm not bitter whatsoever. I know that these things are minor sacrifices to remain as independent as possible, and to maintain my dignity and to keep my future finances from my mother. Not to mention that there will be easier times in the not too distant future, and that gives me hope.
Today, I brought up the topic to my mother. I put forth the idea of reducing my rent from $365, to $300. Reason being is that because she buys things for me throughout the month, she adds the cost to my rent, thereby increasing my rent to fit those purchases. My rent by the end of the month is far into the $400 bracket.
She didn't like this idea, but once I mentioned that if finances don't pick up, she'll have to pay for everything come October, she started to listen a little more.
Unfortunately, my mother feels the need to exercise control tactics on people's finances. Therefore, she's only up to the idea if she's able to be incontrol of my budget.
I expressed to her that the majority of my 'budget' goes to her anyways. She feels that I'm missing some income somewhere in my budget deduction that she would be able to find.
As you can all see with my break down earlier in this rant, that is my budget. That's all of it.
I explained this to her, but she got defensive and asked me what my problem was with sharing my budget with her. I explained that there was nothing to share.
So there's my dilema.
I'm very frustrated but it's practically at the point now where her attitude is so persistent and vile, that I haven't the energy to even argue it. What can I do?
Everyone from my boyfriend, best friends, and even my father now simply say "Don't do any of it."
But what else am I supposed to do? Sure, not giving my mother my student loan money would solve my financial issues, but the emotional strain on everyone in this household would be tremendous.
I hate that I can't even stand up to my own mother. She's getting old, and she's clearly suffering from some mental issues. In all honesty, I should be the one in charge considering in less than 10 years, she'll easily be coming to me for support and help.
I don't like letting someone control me, and I'm not entirely sure why I let her get away with it.
I feel the need to sit down and shut up because you can't change someone, least of all someone who had no idea that they're doing something wrong or hurtful.
I feel at a loss, and am very angry. Angry, but most of all emotionally exhausted.
As a daughter, a person, and most of all as a parent, I cannot understand how someone could treat their daughter, only daughter and first born at that. Not to mention the mother of their only grandchild, the way my mother treats me. I really can't.
And there are people who probably thing I exaggerate. I really wish I did.
So, that being said, my hands are tied. I'm frustrated and most days, I really wish she'd just disapear.
Hopefully this time next year all will be different.