Bam Margera
If I'm not sad. Then I'm angry. But today I'm sad. And I'll tell you why. The topic, as always, is....
Bam Margera
I'll try not to make this rant a long one. But I'm going to try to let everything out, even if I start crying.
I have to get something through my head. The inner me, and the outer me are two different people. The inner me who only my family and close friends (who are long gone) get to see, is carefree. It's the person who writes those quizzes. It's the person I wish everyone could see. But the outer me is all anyone will get to know. Quiet and timid. I swear, it's like I suffer from some type of anxiety disorder. And I just can't get over 'it'. I know why I'm like this. But I just don't feel like talking about those reasons at the moment.
... so to skip to the point. Bam, is the only guy that I've ever truely liked. When I see his picture, I get this feeling deep in my stomach. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I do love this guy with all my little fucking heart. And all I can do is sit back and look at his pictures, knowing that he will never know me.
I'm disgusted with myself. How can I love this man that I've never even met before. And I so badly want to delete the word 'love' and put the word like, to make me feel like less of a fool. But I said that I was going to be honest. I don't love him in that 'OH I WANT TO BONE YOU' way. Though that would definitely be a plus. I love him in that... "Jesus fucking christ.... I love you." type of way. That's the only way I can describe it. I hate myself for having this feeling.
I hate myself for writing stories that will never come true. And I'm sick of wishing that one day, Bam might come and rescue me. I'm sick of looking at his pics, and yearning to be posing beside him.
I've got a deck of tarot cards. Lol. And I always ask the same questions as I shuffle and set the spread. Will I meet Bam Margera? And will I be a pro skater? (Though I've stopped asking that one.) Both of them ALWAYS usually end up having the same obstacle card. Transformation. I know I have to transform. But if I do, is it definite that I will meet him? No.
I know I will never meet him. I will never see him. I will never be able to say 'Hello' to him. And sadly, I don't want to live knowing that. It makes me feel like shit. I wish it could be as easy as 1-2-3. I wish I could snap my fingers and erase him from my thoughts and heart.
I want to stop writing about him, talking about him, and bringing him up everyday when I'm having a conversation. But that fucking asshole is swarming around in my god damn head. Jesus christ, where's a bullet and a gun when you need one?! This shit is ABNORMAL! I'm not supposed to love him and dwell on him, like this. Ugh. I feel like an idiot.
Bam Margera
I'll try not to make this rant a long one. But I'm going to try to let everything out, even if I start crying.
I have to get something through my head. The inner me, and the outer me are two different people. The inner me who only my family and close friends (who are long gone) get to see, is carefree. It's the person who writes those quizzes. It's the person I wish everyone could see. But the outer me is all anyone will get to know. Quiet and timid. I swear, it's like I suffer from some type of anxiety disorder. And I just can't get over 'it'. I know why I'm like this. But I just don't feel like talking about those reasons at the moment.
... so to skip to the point. Bam, is the only guy that I've ever truely liked. When I see his picture, I get this feeling deep in my stomach. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I do love this guy with all my little fucking heart. And all I can do is sit back and look at his pictures, knowing that he will never know me.
I'm disgusted with myself. How can I love this man that I've never even met before. And I so badly want to delete the word 'love' and put the word like, to make me feel like less of a fool. But I said that I was going to be honest. I don't love him in that 'OH I WANT TO BONE YOU' way. Though that would definitely be a plus. I love him in that... "Jesus fucking christ.... I love you." type of way. That's the only way I can describe it. I hate myself for having this feeling.
I hate myself for writing stories that will never come true. And I'm sick of wishing that one day, Bam might come and rescue me. I'm sick of looking at his pics, and yearning to be posing beside him.
I've got a deck of tarot cards. Lol. And I always ask the same questions as I shuffle and set the spread. Will I meet Bam Margera? And will I be a pro skater? (Though I've stopped asking that one.) Both of them ALWAYS usually end up having the same obstacle card. Transformation. I know I have to transform. But if I do, is it definite that I will meet him? No.
I know I will never meet him. I will never see him. I will never be able to say 'Hello' to him. And sadly, I don't want to live knowing that. It makes me feel like shit. I wish it could be as easy as 1-2-3. I wish I could snap my fingers and erase him from my thoughts and heart.
I want to stop writing about him, talking about him, and bringing him up everyday when I'm having a conversation. But that fucking asshole is swarming around in my god damn head. Jesus christ, where's a bullet and a gun when you need one?! This shit is ABNORMAL! I'm not supposed to love him and dwell on him, like this. Ugh. I feel like an idiot.