(no subject)
While I dont like to be negative and I hate to touch on problems, sometimes, even the optimistic ones must let go. Sometimes, I just need to cry, and sometimes, I just need to think about whats going on.
My world is crashing in on me. Many things I have stood for, I have gone against in these past few months, and I find myself asking "Who have I become?" We must, at some point, ask ourselves this question. Am I where I want to be in this life? Where exactly is it that I want to be?
And in my discernment, I should evaluate each option and its opportunity cost. And is that opportunity cost worth taking? Or can I give it up and still continue my life. Sometimes I hate to know the truth. Simply because I cannot stand to be disappointed. But I realize, that life is all about those disappointments. And those times where we rejoice in the circumstance we find ourselves in.
And those things I stood for and so blatantly went against, those very things, were in the eternal plan? Werent they? I believe so. I believe in fate and I believe that everything was before it had ever been. And everything is purposeful. And everything under the sun is numbered and has its season.
Looking back on those things that I have done, I see that now I have something to stand on. And God called on me this morning. It was like an epiphany, if you will. Now I can say what I had before, but with something to vie for. I have something to offer up when I relay advice. Something substantial. Because, now, I have been there. I have made mistakes, and I have learned. And yes, consequences are necessary. Without these, repetition occurs of the same old sins. Can't you see the divine plan? Input and an output. With everything.
And I love that cat. He may just be an animal to you. But he has been my friend when I had no other. Honestly. Always by my side, sleeping on my pillow, licking away my tears when I have cried. Biting my butt ever so gently when he is hungry. He has loved me through and I have loved him too. Its amazing how those who can't speak and can't understand can comfort and console us the best. Because they just listen. They offer no grievances, they are just there to bear witness to our imperfections and our idiosyncrasies and to never judge based on these. What better friend can a person have than a cat? And my baby has Feline Leukemia. And a tumor because of that. And my heart hasnt felt so heavy since I cant remember when. The treatments we cannot afford. So my little angel who has been so perfect and treated me with the utmost love and respect as no one else has, must be put to rest. I will have a part of my heart reserved for him always and of this I am serious. I love my cat.
