(no subject)

[_micaylee_]

I gave you a chance, a chance to redeem yourself and you took it. I have to say that i was happy....at least until you threw it right back in my face. Against all my better judgement i allowed you to get under my skin because i am too optimisic, i thought "this time it may be different, this time maybe you will finally see that im more than just an empty shell, that i have some depth." but no, you fooled me once...shame on you... and i let you fool me again, yes, shame on me. i feel ashamed, more than you know and most of all i feel stupid for being so kind hearted, so willing, so unguarded, and so optimistic. You are guarded, bitter, and even though i have had my heart broken many more times than you i am still the one who trusts, but i dont think i can trust any more. It hurt today so badly when you gave me the first real genuine smile i have ever seen on your face. you dont smile, and it mistified me that this smile was directed at me after such a humbling and shameful experience. I feel raped in a way, my tenderness was taken advantage of and you think i accept your abuse because i just sat there in silence, thinking this is your mistake. For all the morals of kindness and forgiveness that our parents teach us we are taken advantage of, maybe you need to be a cut throat bitch to get ahead, maybe kindness is just a way to mislead us.

You're waiting for someone
To put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away
There's always another wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say

But you'll just sit tight
And watch it unwind
It's only what you're asking for
And you'll be just fine
With all of your time
It's only what you're waiting for
But you still hide away
The anger of angels who won't return

I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why
And I don't know why
Why
I don't know