(no subject)
A week ago, I broke up with Alan.
I couldn't take his jealousy, possessiveness, and controlling attitude over silly little things any more. I think the final fight was about how he couldn't ever go out with a girl who would have any interest in drugs, when I said I enjoyed smoking every great once in a while, and that I might try shrooms, IF the opportunity ever arose (and even then I'd probably be chicken). So, I told him I'd save him the trouble and dump him.
So, I think it's probably in my best interest to patch things up with Alan, in respect to my future. I really want to get the hell out of my house, and it's unlikely that I'd be able to pair up with a roommate any time soon, espcially one that I would want to share a bedroom with. I can't afford half of a two bedroom apartment, that's for sure. I'm not saying I want to move out with Alan tomorrow, but something needs to happen soon, because I just can't live at home any more. Additionally, he's made a commitment to treating me well, even confessing that if he ever hurt me again, I could just leave. Good, no more of this messy stuff. In the mean time, I've got to keep him hanging and not give myself over too completely-- you know, keep my guard up. So I play like I'm leading him on, like I don't know what I want, and just when he wants it most, all the pieces will fall into place and it'll be good.
Even in a week he's proven that he's over his jealousy and possessiveness. Where I would have been nervous to ask him IF I could go out once a month, now I've gone out without him twice this week with no comment from him other than 'Have fun.' And this was also out to a party and a bar-- two hot topics that would have surely caused a fight pre-break-up. I've also taken days just to myself, where I just wanna go home, instead of hanging out. That NEVER would have happened before. Is this the same person? I don't know, but it's someone that really wants to keep me around.
Just trying to sort things out in my head, I guess. Hate being single, but in this case, I really don't think I'm staying with a douchebag out of fear of being alone, I think I've made a good guy realize that he should appreciate what he's got, and that he can't control all of my choices. He needs to realize that I'm still coming home to him, no matter what.
He's got abandonment issues from past girlfriends, so I tried to be sensitive to that in the past, but it just came to a point where it was overwhelming. He's a good guy, I think he's had a wake up call, I think it's time to work it out.
I couldn't take his jealousy, possessiveness, and controlling attitude over silly little things any more. I think the final fight was about how he couldn't ever go out with a girl who would have any interest in drugs, when I said I enjoyed smoking every great once in a while, and that I might try shrooms, IF the opportunity ever arose (and even then I'd probably be chicken). So, I told him I'd save him the trouble and dump him.
So, I think it's probably in my best interest to patch things up with Alan, in respect to my future. I really want to get the hell out of my house, and it's unlikely that I'd be able to pair up with a roommate any time soon, espcially one that I would want to share a bedroom with. I can't afford half of a two bedroom apartment, that's for sure. I'm not saying I want to move out with Alan tomorrow, but something needs to happen soon, because I just can't live at home any more. Additionally, he's made a commitment to treating me well, even confessing that if he ever hurt me again, I could just leave. Good, no more of this messy stuff. In the mean time, I've got to keep him hanging and not give myself over too completely-- you know, keep my guard up. So I play like I'm leading him on, like I don't know what I want, and just when he wants it most, all the pieces will fall into place and it'll be good.
Even in a week he's proven that he's over his jealousy and possessiveness. Where I would have been nervous to ask him IF I could go out once a month, now I've gone out without him twice this week with no comment from him other than 'Have fun.' And this was also out to a party and a bar-- two hot topics that would have surely caused a fight pre-break-up. I've also taken days just to myself, where I just wanna go home, instead of hanging out. That NEVER would have happened before. Is this the same person? I don't know, but it's someone that really wants to keep me around.
Just trying to sort things out in my head, I guess. Hate being single, but in this case, I really don't think I'm staying with a douchebag out of fear of being alone, I think I've made a good guy realize that he should appreciate what he's got, and that he can't control all of my choices. He needs to realize that I'm still coming home to him, no matter what.
He's got abandonment issues from past girlfriends, so I tried to be sensitive to that in the past, but it just came to a point where it was overwhelming. He's a good guy, I think he's had a wake up call, I think it's time to work it out.