(no subject)
I have done nothing productive today. I did get up at 8, tanned for a bit outside, and then proceeded to take a 4 HOUR NAP. Yes, 4 effing hours. It's not like I didn't sleep last night. I had 8 hours. I have no idea what the heck was going on today.
Ah, so boy drama. Things with Phoenix boy are- weird? Ever since I went back to Tucson for the first half of summer we have fallen out of touch. One phone call and 1 or 2 texts within a month's time. I keep looking at how things were at the beginning, and everything was different. I'd get a call everytime he had a day off, called him when I came into town, would hang out just about every night I was here. And now here I am in Phoenix, starting on week 2, and I have seen him once. And even that was weird. I don't know what to do because when I go back to Tucson for the fall semester, I'm not sure that I would want to continue something long distance- and I think he may be feeling the same way. Fuck if I know however, because we have NEVER talked about anything relationship oriented. At first I liked that, because it made things easier and kept things light. As time went on though, it got harder to do this because is this something exclusive, or are we just messing around? And now I am at the point where I need to know, because I am here for 2 months. I can't read him at all right now.
We went out Friday and he told me things like "I'll have to take you there sometime" in response to a place I've never been to and "I should make that for you sometime" in response to something I've never tried. Then at his house, his parents were home and I felt like the "girlfriend" with the things they were saying and how they were acting. But then there was no physical touching on either of our parts the entire time. We saw a movie- armrest went up, but no touching ensued. I left him later that night with no hug or kiss. There was so much contradicting itself that day, and I have no fucking clue what to read from this. And the reason I went home was because I was having some people at my house to drink, and I told him I'd really like him to come later, and he said he'd try and would call me later, but never did. Somewhere in there I found that my phone had not been getting service for the past hour, so I called him tipsy, and now really wish that I hadn't. Nothing horrible was said, but I can't really remember much either. He never came though, never called, still hasn't called.
And I know I'm not making things easier either because I really don't know what I want, and I'm sure I might have come off cold that day. It's just hard for me to know how to act when I don't know. I just really need to talk this out with him soon, figure out if this summer is going to include him or not. I mean if he doesn't want this anymore then I need to know this so I can stop dwelling and move on. I know that I think he would make my summer so much more fun, and I'd like for him to be around and for things to be like they were last time I was down. But if he doesn't want that, then I'll be okay too. I just need some fucking answers.
I texted him this morning: "I have your CD- forgot it was in my purse. Also wanted to apologize for calling you tipsy the other night and I never thanked you for Friday- thank you." So we'll see if I get a response, which I'd assume I would considering the fact that I'm sure he'd want his CD back. Hopefully in giving it back I can talk to him face to face and figure this thing out.
Any thoughts? I want to think that he hasn't fallen out of 'like' with me, but at the fact that he doesn't call anymore, I can't help but wonder. Maybe he's not sure where I stand either and doesn't want to get hurt? Argh... it could be a lot of things.
Ah, so boy drama. Things with Phoenix boy are- weird? Ever since I went back to Tucson for the first half of summer we have fallen out of touch. One phone call and 1 or 2 texts within a month's time. I keep looking at how things were at the beginning, and everything was different. I'd get a call everytime he had a day off, called him when I came into town, would hang out just about every night I was here. And now here I am in Phoenix, starting on week 2, and I have seen him once. And even that was weird. I don't know what to do because when I go back to Tucson for the fall semester, I'm not sure that I would want to continue something long distance- and I think he may be feeling the same way. Fuck if I know however, because we have NEVER talked about anything relationship oriented. At first I liked that, because it made things easier and kept things light. As time went on though, it got harder to do this because is this something exclusive, or are we just messing around? And now I am at the point where I need to know, because I am here for 2 months. I can't read him at all right now.
We went out Friday and he told me things like "I'll have to take you there sometime" in response to a place I've never been to and "I should make that for you sometime" in response to something I've never tried. Then at his house, his parents were home and I felt like the "girlfriend" with the things they were saying and how they were acting. But then there was no physical touching on either of our parts the entire time. We saw a movie- armrest went up, but no touching ensued. I left him later that night with no hug or kiss. There was so much contradicting itself that day, and I have no fucking clue what to read from this. And the reason I went home was because I was having some people at my house to drink, and I told him I'd really like him to come later, and he said he'd try and would call me later, but never did. Somewhere in there I found that my phone had not been getting service for the past hour, so I called him tipsy, and now really wish that I hadn't. Nothing horrible was said, but I can't really remember much either. He never came though, never called, still hasn't called.
And I know I'm not making things easier either because I really don't know what I want, and I'm sure I might have come off cold that day. It's just hard for me to know how to act when I don't know. I just really need to talk this out with him soon, figure out if this summer is going to include him or not. I mean if he doesn't want this anymore then I need to know this so I can stop dwelling and move on. I know that I think he would make my summer so much more fun, and I'd like for him to be around and for things to be like they were last time I was down. But if he doesn't want that, then I'll be okay too. I just need some fucking answers.
I texted him this morning: "I have your CD- forgot it was in my purse. Also wanted to apologize for calling you tipsy the other night and I never thanked you for Friday- thank you." So we'll see if I get a response, which I'd assume I would considering the fact that I'm sure he'd want his CD back. Hopefully in giving it back I can talk to him face to face and figure this thing out.
Any thoughts? I want to think that he hasn't fallen out of 'like' with me, but at the fact that he doesn't call anymore, I can't help but wonder. Maybe he's not sure where I stand either and doesn't want to get hurt? Argh... it could be a lot of things.