I am Joe's Narrative
Chasing Megan
I had the bar’s full attention as I sang, “I’m just a sweet transvestite from Transsexual, Transylvania” through my cigarette. I sounded pretty good considering I don’t smoke and the poisonous fumes dried out my vocal cords to the point where singing hurt. I wanted more than anything to take a drink but the only beverage in the building was beer and I had to drive after my performance. Besides, the bartender knew I was under age and that’s why he asked Megan and me to leave after I had sung my karaoke song.
I was out with a lot of the cast members from Taming of the Shrew and everyone was pretty much drunk. Megan and I were the only two in the bar under age and I was hoping that would be the case. This meant we would have to leave by eleven and go somewhere else together to find entertainment. Megan had just joined us during our tech week in the show as an extra with one line, but she had a lot of talent and was nothing short of being very attractive. This, of course, gave me something to occupy myself with when not on stage. She was 18 years old and said that she was taking a year off of school to work up some cash to go to Columbia. What threw me off was that she barely looked 16, but I didn’t let the fact that she was a little older than I was discourage me. She dressed like a “Goth” as a high schooler would say, and I guess they would be right. Her typical attire included skin tight black leather pants that were mostly hidden by her thigh-high black laced leather boots, a corset or black tank top that looked about two sizes too small even on her slender body, at least two black studded belts hanging loosely around her waist, a minimum of three silver necklaces that draped a spiked dog collar, about a hand full of platinum colored rings, and, of course, obnoxiously over-sized pentagram earrings hidden by her poorly self-dyed black hair which fell to her chest. She had a very young face and her excessive eyeliner usage and light skin color countenanced her with innocence. I thought it worked well as a contrast between that and her outfit. The only thing I had a problem with was the fact that she smoked Marlboro Mediums obsessively and emitted the faint smell of nicotine. I always thought smoking was a disgusting habit.
I finished my cigarette after I was done holding the last note of the song and was immediately smothered in applause by my cast mates and plenty of drunks. Tim Curry would have been proud. I went over to our table, grabbed my keys and then popped the question.
“So Megan, what do you say we youngin’s go out and grab a shake or ice-cream or something.”
She smiled as she responded, “Yea, sounds good. What’s open?”
Smiling was a good sign. We threw around some ideas and realized the only place open would be Stake ‘N Shake. I gave her some quick directions and took off.
I got to the restaurant first and she didn’t keep me waiting long; another good sign. This stabilized my confidence and made it easier just to be myself and relax. We ordered chocolate shakes and I decided to start the conversation out nice and difficult and uncomfortable.
“So, do you believe in God?” I asked between sips of my shake.
I could tell she was taken back by how forward I was but her facial expression showed that she liked it. To my surprise, she didn’t answer with a long story or explanation of how she became agnostic and confused or how the environment she was raised in and her moral upbringing led her down a certain path. She gave it to me straight.
“No.”
That was good sign number three. We continued to talk about all the things you aren’t supposed to talk about and had a blast. We brought up politics, religion, ethics, morals, childhood trauma, life, death and all those other touchy subjects. The fact that I knew who she voted for in the last election and not something trivial like her favorite color after our fist “date” was good sign number four. I was anticipating our first kiss like a dime a dozen Christian anticipates death: anxious to get into heaven, but still slightly afraid he won’t be allowed in. Not to mention I had never met a good kisser who had thin lips, but I was hoping she’d be the one to break that pattern.
We finished our shakes and it was 2:30 in the morning. Time flies when you meet new people. We walked out to the parking lot not thinking about the trouble we’d get into when we finally got home, but thinking about how unfortunate it was we couldn’t spare ourselves another hour or two together. We stalled for a good ten minutes, fumbling keys, joking around, making forced talk to buy an extra minute or two. Then she dropped the bomb on me.
“I had a great time tonight. It was really fun. I had a great time.”
She had that nervous repetition of words. It was cute. It was also the fifth good sign and that meant I needed to act before time was up.
“Well, night. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I stopped her by grabbing her arm gently.
“Hold on, just one more question.”
“I have to go.” Her protest was so reluctant it made my next question infinitely easier.
I made sure I had eye-contact and I asked “Can I kiss you?”
Nothing. She didn’t say a word. Her facial expression was void, completely unreadable. I decided to move in and go for it, there was no turning back now. I started to close in and then she started to laugh. She was cracking up. It took her a good ten seconds to regain composure. When she finally stopped, I started to ask her what was so funny, but before I got one syllable out she leaned in and kissed me.
Normally, I would have been thrilled, but considering what had just happened not half a minute ago I was too confused to feel anything. After the initial shock I decided to just accept what was happening and kissed her back. And so there we were, in the parking lot of Stake ‘N Shake at two fifty in the morning making out. Cue the music and begin to fade out. Roll credits. I had finally met a girl with thin lips who really knew what she was doing.
What happened after that I didn’t see coming from a mile away. I was always a fan of twist endings, but frankly, this one I could have lived without. I thought about all the signs that I should have noticed and felt like an idiot for now knowing. It seemed painfully obvious. Of all people, I should have known. Oh well. When I got home I laughed it off and called one of the extras from the last show I was in and asked her what she was up to the next day. Within 10 minutes of parking the car in the garage I had a date set up for the following evening.
I went to get a glass of chocolate milk before I retired to bed. I couldn’t help but laugh again at the whole situation as it replayed in the 3-D IMAX of my mind…
We parted lips so long after the initial kiss I had forgotten where I was. I opened my eyes slowly and a knowing smile crept across her face. There was a brief silence before she burst out laughing the same way as she did before. I started to get a little concerned.
“What? What is it? Am I bad kisser or something?”
“Oh no, believe me, you’re fantastic. Give me some time to think it over and I’ll bet you make my top three.”
“I’m flattered.”
Then more uncomfortable silence came. Well, uncomfortable for me, the smile on her face told me she was enjoying it.
“I give up. I quit. You win. What is it?”
She twirled her hair around her finger and bit her lip seductively. The mixed signals were giving me a headache. I couldn’t decide weather to be elated or pissed. I had to admit though; if I had been in her shoes I would have been laughing too.
She smiled at me like a beautiful serial killer who had just been found not guilty by a jury of her peers and bit her index finger as she spoke.
“I’m a lesbian.”