the boy with a thorn in his side

[_marseille]

hello.

i guess it's really the only
proper way to start something.
and a friendly way at that.
i feel very distant
very upset
and looking for someone to press the blame on
but i know now what is going on
it's time for me to let the sitation change me
not waste my time trying to change
the situation

over the past couple days months and years
but mostly this summer
i've felt out of place
very uncomfortable
lied to
really lied to
and undefined
i'm not as immature as you thought i was
and giving me excuses was very childish
if you want me to grow up into a man
then treat me like one already
and i will be him
don't pull the it's not you it's me card
i watch seinfeld

but over the course of it all one thing has stayed with me
and that is my loneliness
and now it's time for me to finally let go of it
it's time to let God set me free

since i was a little boy
it has never really left me

and i suppose it has taken 17 years
for me to realize
that it's not up to me to change the situation
it's time to understand
the situation has changed me for good

pray for me brothers and sisters

don't allow the world to lie to me any longer
it is my responsibility to be a christian
and i will carry it out all the days of my life

i think this will be my last entry