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[jerseylawyer]

Wedding gift question

Comments

[mongolbbq]

Hmmm. Our relatives from NJ gave us gifts. I honestly doubt the couple is going to keep tabs on who gave what and how everyone's gifts to them measure up. If they do, then they have their own problems to deal with, and it's not your fault.

[mongolbbq]

Oh, if you haven't guessed, I don't think it's tacky to give less if you can't afford to :)

[jerseylawyer]

I didnt think it was, I just feel bad. I wish we could afford to give them what they gave us. It was very generous of them.

[jerseylawyer]

well, I've given gifts to out of state people, because depending where they live, gifts may be more common, but most people who live in NJ expect mostly cash. For the most part, of course there are exceptions.

[oduschone]

I'm a little confused?
Why do you need to give it back?
1. Is the marriage ending?
2. Is this couple getting married?
3. Do you just feel they gave you too much?

In the case of (1), I'd give it all back.
(2) Give them what you are comfortable giving them. Weddings and gifts and friendships shouldn't be a contest. I don't think it's tacky at all.
(3) Accept it. It was a gift to you from them. It would be more ackward to give it back.

[misscrankypants]

I think they are getting married and she's attending their wedding.

[oduschone]

thanks!

[oduschone]

Icon LOVE! btw.

[misscrankypants]

That is a tough question. I got a lot of checks and it never occurred to me that my gift should "match" theirs...I guess I should consider that. I never thought about covering my plate either.

I think you should give what you can to your friends. There is no reason to overextend yourself on a gift. I'm sure your friend would understand. I don't think it is tacky, expecting someone to give a gift beyond their means or keeping score is tacky IMO.

[jerseylawyer]

I didnt keep score with my own wedding, but I was just wondering in terms of what's the "right" thing to do with regards to giving a gift to this couple.

[misscrankypants]

Yeah, I didn't either. I think the right thing to do is give what you are comfortable with. :)

[bellasmommy]

I buy them something from their registry, assuming they have one, even if people are under the assumption that they want cash.

If not, I give what I can afford. Weddings aren't about what gifts you get, how much money you get, or weighing your friendship against the monetary amount of gifts. If my friend cared THAT MUCH about how much I spent, I'm not so sure I would want to be their friend. A wedding is a celebration of love and commitment, not "what am I going to get?".

[jerseylawyer]

Its not that I think they are going to care either way, I just dont want to do the wrong thing.

[weseh]

Eh, I might consider all of that stuff, but really I'd look at how much I'd like the people, how much time and energy I had to expend getting to the wedding, and how much I felt comfortable giving. It's really a conglomeration of factors.

[jerseylawyer]

dude. i am getting them a place setting and a soup bowl. She needs 4. That would be frustrating not to have a full set.

[glossgirl]

You're probably not the only one who can't afford to buy all 4 place settings! If you buy one setting others will see that 1 has been bought on the registry and they will buy 1 as well to try and complete the set.

[jerseylawyer]

well, they registered for 13, and they have 9. I know i'd be upset if I didnt get all mine and to have 2/3 a set, and she'll have to go out and buy the rest anyways, so I may as well help her, right? :)