Career students vs. family planning

[mikaboo]

My husband and I have been married almost two years, and we are both in undergraduate programs. Since we are not the typical age for undergrads (I'm 28 and he's 34), we will have the difficult task of deciding when is the "least inconvenient" time to start a family. My husband will finish his BSc in Computer Science at the end of next year, however

Comments

[lostreality]

I'm in academia (6th year phd student, woo!) and while I have no kids myself, I've seen several grad students do it.

If they are still taking classes, they usually try to time their pregnancy so they will be giving birth over the summer, so that they have a few months with the baby and with fewer school related activities

A lot of phd students also time their pregnancy for the first or second year they are "ABD", since at that point you are done with classes and have a very flexible schedule (not sure how that plays into clinical stuff if you are doing a psych phd). A lot of people will work from home or bring their baby with them to work once they are ABD, and have some childcare arrangements for a few days a week so that they can get more work done.

I also have some experience with the violence question- I don't deal with them myself, but my dad is a forensic psychologist, was the chief psychologist at a mental hospital for the criminally insane for a while, and used to go to jail all the time to do psych evaluations when he worked for the state (now he does private practice, but with people usually court ordered to see a shrink). I guess the way he deals with it is that he does NOT use his home office when dealing with such people so that they won't know where he lives, and instead he has another office he shares with another psychologist (they both use it part time), where he does all those sessions. He has no pictures of his family up a that office, and makes a point about not talking about his family anywhere where these people can hear him.

A couple of times when I was growing up we had creepy people sitting outside our house in their cars and my parents made us stay inside and called the police on them, but those weren't the violent people- they were always the divorce custody people (something else he does).

Oh and btw if you plan on working with criminally insane people, or just violent people in general, I highly recommend a short hair cut- they love to grab onto people's hair, according to my dad.

[lostreality]

oh and if you are planning on having kids while a grad student, pay close attention to the maternity leave policies for grad students at the schools you are applying to, cause a lot of them don't have any.

I wrote an article about women having kids while in grad school (based on my masters thesis) that you might find helpful (at least the lit review part might be helpful): http://www.springerlink.com/content/p36u147248k561n0/

[klarenka]

Out of curiosity, did you find any information/interesting stats about paternity leave for grad student fathers?

[lostreality]

I didn't collect specific data about paternity leave becuase the focus of my thesis was mothers.

However, I did look over the maternity leave policies, and if I recall correctly (from like 4 years ago when I did this research), among those schools that did have a leave policy (65% of the top 20 phd granting institutions) some treated pregnancy and birth like a medical leave, and so they only gave it to the mother in that case, and some schools treated it as a family leave and it could be taken by either parent as long as they were the 'primary caretaker' language which I presume is specifically aimed at men, given that women who are not primary caretakers still need some time off to recover from the birth itself.

[klarenka]

Thanks for the food for thought. We will have to look into U of MN's policies about paternity/family leave.

[mikaboo]

Thanks! Yeah, I'm not banking on getting any kind of mat leave. We'll have to try and plan for a summer birth or at some point where I can reasonably take a year off of school. I'm not hoping to work in academia, so that might not screw me as much as someone who hopes to be hired by a university.

[lostreality]

oh also there's a great book i did a book review for (seriously, where is my mind today? I wrote all this stuff and can't even remember it) called "Mama Phd" which had a lot of short essays about women in academic balancing child raising and academia, as well as some essays on advice to women in academia, many of which is written by grad students- I highly highly recommend this book (i do NOT recommend the book "Motherhood, the elephant in the library" becasue it is super depressing, since the editor of that book specifically recruited people with problems balancing motherhood/academia)

[mikaboo]

I can relate about creepy people. My dad was a counselor in a small town, so there were a few times I would be out in public, or at home when a client of his would approach me. It's something that has made me seriously consider a non-personal disclosure policy if I am working in a a counseling setting (violent or not).

That's a good idea about the short hair. I'm also very aware that I have very prominent 'female' characteristics, so I'm trying to decide what end of violence I want to work. Prison holds the best population for what I want to do, but there's something eerie about being in a room with a person who has nothing left to lose, and won't care who they bring down with them.

[lostreality]

yeah I will never forget the story my dad once told me about a lady at his office having her hair being grabbed by an inmate and having to live with a big bald spot until it grew out again.

If it helps, you are usually not alone in the room with those violent people, and they try to have safeguard mechanisms. At the hospital my dad worked at they had security phones everywhere, and if you knocked the phone off the hook a bunch of security people would run to go check it out.

My dad also took me to jail once with him on 'bring your daughter to work day' when I was a kid, so he clearly didn't think it was dangerous...although I stayed in the waiting room and didn't go into the jail part of the jail with him.

[this_is_not_art]

I'm almost finished applying for a PsyD in Clinical Forensic Psychology which would begin in the fall. It's a 4 year program, every other weekend, so not as taxing during the week. At least until clinical hours begin, I imagine.

My husband and I are definitely going to try to have a baby sooner rather than later as I'm 33 and, well, it's almost time to start.

As for the violence thing, I plan on using my maiden name professionally, as well as take as many other precautions as possible.

lostreality, do you think your dad would be willing to talk to me about what he does? Or maybe guide me towards books to read, etc.? I'm trying to absorb as much information as I can (of course, I haven't been accepted yet, but here's to hoping!).

[mikaboo]

Good idea on the maiden name.

What school is that program at? I'm still looking at places that I might need to focus in.

Good Luck!

Also, Ditto on the book question for lost kite.

[this_is_not_art]

I am applying to The Chicago School of Professional Psychology. They began in Chicago but opened a campus here in Los Angeles.

You're in Canada? Do you have a preference as to where you end up?

[mikaboo]

Thanks!

No preference really. My husband is a dual citizen and I'm an American citizen by birth, so going to the states for grad school is kind of expected for us. As for career wise, I'd LOVE to work for CSIS or the FBI, but that might be a pipe dream.

[lostreality]

i just emailed him asking if that would be cool, and if he gives the ok i'll send you his email address.

He got his phd 30 years ago though, and has been doing only private practice for the past 12 or so years (and not just forensic stuff for private parctice, he does lots of other types of counseling too), so some of his info might be a bit out of date.

Also, as a disclaimer, some of his info may contradict what I'm saying here, since my info is based on memories from my childhood :)

[lostreality]

just sent you a private message with his email address :)

[arularia]

Also beware of necklaces and ties. Having something around your neck that someone else can grab is no good.