(no subject)
I had a dream about a sky filled with balloons. The dream dictionary says it means that I'm losing hope in ever finding somebody who will love me. I don't think any person in the world is capable of loving me the way that I require. A friend told me once that I will never be anybody's because I have become too much myself. I like the thought. I hate the thought.
I can't stop clenching my teeth together tightly. It makes my jaw ache all day. What am I stressed about?
I have a new apartment. I thought the sunshine would bolster my mood. Instead, I am considering asking a friend to call me once a week in the winter so that my lonliness coupled with winter-sadness doesn't push me over the edge. There are cockroaches in the bathroom. I need somebody to sit with me sometimes.
I also dreamed about a young, beautiful girl. She had blonde curls and big blue eyes and I fell in love with her. She stared at me, and then followed me while talking in an adult voice. I have dreamt about her twice since. The entire day I think of her and am enamored. A symbol for how goddamned naive I am. A symbol for how in love with it I am. Perhaps.
I need to make love to something. An idea, a mind, a positive emotion.
You have no idea how heavy things can feel sometimes. It's like a ship that looks beautiful as it cuts through the ocean, often graceful. Nobody considers how sweaty the captain is from muscling the heavy wheel.
Name one way for somebody to learn to love herself.
I can't stop clenching my teeth together tightly. It makes my jaw ache all day. What am I stressed about?
I have a new apartment. I thought the sunshine would bolster my mood. Instead, I am considering asking a friend to call me once a week in the winter so that my lonliness coupled with winter-sadness doesn't push me over the edge. There are cockroaches in the bathroom. I need somebody to sit with me sometimes.
I also dreamed about a young, beautiful girl. She had blonde curls and big blue eyes and I fell in love with her. She stared at me, and then followed me while talking in an adult voice. I have dreamt about her twice since. The entire day I think of her and am enamored. A symbol for how goddamned naive I am. A symbol for how in love with it I am. Perhaps.
I need to make love to something. An idea, a mind, a positive emotion.
You have no idea how heavy things can feel sometimes. It's like a ship that looks beautiful as it cuts through the ocean, often graceful. Nobody considers how sweaty the captain is from muscling the heavy wheel.
Name one way for somebody to learn to love herself.