The looking-glass self
i've recently been having these weird catalystic thoughts:
like realizing that as much as i try my dorm is FAR from home, or homey for that matter.
i've also realized that as much as i like people (as a group), i could go without seeing 98% of humanity for the rest of my days.
i also realized that there is so much pain in the world that people live through and whatever i'm going through, i have to remember that i am still alive and will continue to still be alive as long as i live. therefore i should exercise this more often.
i also confronted myself with the reality that i may not end up doing theatre for the rest of my life. honestly, that too, i realized that my participation is completely voluntary and not necessary. this means i guess i have to re-enamor myself with theatre, but most likely, that will happen soon enough. i think i'm just afraid that there will be nothing else out there for me or, what could be even worse, that there could be something else i could do better. but we'll see.
i also realized that i associate myself with people who are extremely patterned and repetitive and this has caused me to become stuck in a rut. i have to suck it up and quit fearing my own silence long enough to figure out what i want out of others and what i want out of myself. if script analysis has taught me anything, it is that we all have motivations and needs and goals that we must try to acchieve. the thing is i have never taken the time to actually find out what my goals are because i have boxed myself into the expectations others have for me, and now i'm complaining because i feel smothered, when i'm the one holding the pillow over my face.
so i guess i just have to take a step back and ask myself what i want out of life and if i want to pursue the path that things are going, i always figured that i had some kind of destiny that would manifest itself out of other people's expectations for me, and would drive me forward and honestly, it has been working. the thing is, i have to evaluate myself and see if what they see of me is what i want for myself.
horray! that didn't make sense! i love you all. no strings attached.
like realizing that as much as i try my dorm is FAR from home, or homey for that matter.
i've also realized that as much as i like people (as a group), i could go without seeing 98% of humanity for the rest of my days.
i also realized that there is so much pain in the world that people live through and whatever i'm going through, i have to remember that i am still alive and will continue to still be alive as long as i live. therefore i should exercise this more often.
i also confronted myself with the reality that i may not end up doing theatre for the rest of my life. honestly, that too, i realized that my participation is completely voluntary and not necessary. this means i guess i have to re-enamor myself with theatre, but most likely, that will happen soon enough. i think i'm just afraid that there will be nothing else out there for me or, what could be even worse, that there could be something else i could do better. but we'll see.
i also realized that i associate myself with people who are extremely patterned and repetitive and this has caused me to become stuck in a rut. i have to suck it up and quit fearing my own silence long enough to figure out what i want out of others and what i want out of myself. if script analysis has taught me anything, it is that we all have motivations and needs and goals that we must try to acchieve. the thing is i have never taken the time to actually find out what my goals are because i have boxed myself into the expectations others have for me, and now i'm complaining because i feel smothered, when i'm the one holding the pillow over my face.
so i guess i just have to take a step back and ask myself what i want out of life and if i want to pursue the path that things are going, i always figured that i had some kind of destiny that would manifest itself out of other people's expectations for me, and would drive me forward and honestly, it has been working. the thing is, i have to evaluate myself and see if what they see of me is what i want for myself.
horray! that didn't make sense! i love you all. no strings attached.