(no subject)
"I wish for a moment that Time would lift me out of this day, and into some more benign one. But then I feel guilty for wanting to avoid all the sadness; dead people need us to remember them, even if it eats us, even if all we can do is say I'm sorry until it is as meaningless as air..."
- Audrey Niffenegger, The Time Traveler's Wife
Today is going to be hard.As we get older dealing with emotions is supposed to get easier.The older we grow the easier pain is supposed to be to deal with. I disagree .When we feel happiness it is no longer the same kind of excitement we once felt as kids on our birthdays. The same goes with pain, I guess. For me, pain just gets harder and harder to supress. I guess at ten I didn't fully understand the concept of death, I didn't realize how permanent it really is. It's easy to just hide behind "well thats life, people die" but the truth is that it stil hurts. No matter how hard we try to be strong and accept that people we care about are no longer here, we still feel their absence and thats a void that will never be filled again. Perhaps what affects me the most is that i feel like that could be my mom. I know its morbid and I probably shouldn't think like that but I can't help it. But she was like a second mom to me, and even though its been years since i last saw her; I'm suddenly flooded with memories. Trips to McDonalds. Christmas Parties. New Years Eve Parties.Disney World trips. Pool Parties. Some of my best childhood memories include her in them....today is going to be hard.