(no subject)
uughh i almost forgot that i had this.
life, for the past couple of weeks, has been hard.
i have been absolutlely stressed out with work and projects and my portfolio and getting shit together for rome.
this semester has gone by so quickly.
everything i wanted to do and said i was going to do, i didn't.
i almost kind of feel as if my life is slowly but not too slowly, falling apart.
but i have learned not to wear my heart on my sleeve.
or even to take any chances with that shit.
it always backfires.
whatever.
sitting here, writing in this, for some reason is making me upset.
maybe its because its making me think of everything that i have done since i last updated.
and how so much has changed
and how much i've fucked up.
and how much i've lost.
i really dont know what im doing with my life anymore.
i keep screwing myself with the classes that i am taking.
i am definitely going to end up here for another year or so and that is the LAST thing that i want.
i want to be back home so badly right now.
that way i can be with best for her birthday.
and just be reassured that everything will be ok and life will go on.
because that's what she does for me. she helps me see that i dont need all the shit that i think i do.
and with just a couple of good friends i can get through anything.
i think those good friends are what i'm missing the most right now.
i hardly get to see brittany anymore and she lives across the hall.
god knows what has happened to jess. she called me for the first time in forever last week and when i called back she never answered or called me back. but i do know that shes going through a lot and i wish i could atleast talk to her to help her in the least.
right now, as we speak, steven is being an asshole to me.
at school. i feel as if i have no one sometimes.
i mean, sure i have katie and ginger, and i love them to death, but its always going to be different than those from home.
i should probably start making more friends here though.
build that support group here being that i am here for most of the year.
it's jsut so hard for me to open up to people.
i so afraid of rejection, its really not even close to funny.
uughhh im just so frustrated.
sorry for all this bullshit, i've just had a lot on my mind.
life, for the past couple of weeks, has been hard.
i have been absolutlely stressed out with work and projects and my portfolio and getting shit together for rome.
this semester has gone by so quickly.
everything i wanted to do and said i was going to do, i didn't.
i almost kind of feel as if my life is slowly but not too slowly, falling apart.
but i have learned not to wear my heart on my sleeve.
or even to take any chances with that shit.
it always backfires.
whatever.
sitting here, writing in this, for some reason is making me upset.
maybe its because its making me think of everything that i have done since i last updated.
and how so much has changed
and how much i've fucked up.
and how much i've lost.
i really dont know what im doing with my life anymore.
i keep screwing myself with the classes that i am taking.
i am definitely going to end up here for another year or so and that is the LAST thing that i want.
i want to be back home so badly right now.
that way i can be with best for her birthday.
and just be reassured that everything will be ok and life will go on.
because that's what she does for me. she helps me see that i dont need all the shit that i think i do.
and with just a couple of good friends i can get through anything.
i think those good friends are what i'm missing the most right now.
i hardly get to see brittany anymore and she lives across the hall.
god knows what has happened to jess. she called me for the first time in forever last week and when i called back she never answered or called me back. but i do know that shes going through a lot and i wish i could atleast talk to her to help her in the least.
right now, as we speak, steven is being an asshole to me.
at school. i feel as if i have no one sometimes.
i mean, sure i have katie and ginger, and i love them to death, but its always going to be different than those from home.
i should probably start making more friends here though.
build that support group here being that i am here for most of the year.
it's jsut so hard for me to open up to people.
i so afraid of rejection, its really not even close to funny.
uughhh im just so frustrated.
sorry for all this bullshit, i've just had a lot on my mind.