The way I look at it today is this: at some point in your life you notice a growing gap between life and your mental model of it, the latter including your plans, aspirations, abilities, outcomes. The gap seems unbearable (hence the noticing) and unbreachable (hence the associated pain). The best way to fix this was to have corrected your mental model along with the life twists or, better yet, in anticipation of the life twists. It is entirely possible that general wisdom and/or skillful meditation helps with this anticipation but I, for one, have no way of knowing or confirming that. The second best way is to acknowledge the gap and work on closing it little by little (changing habits and adjusting expectations), or maybe with one giant leap (e.g. becoming a kindergarten teacher in rural Alaska, overnight). The important part is always knowing that the gap was there all the time, even when it didn't look like it, and that it is not going anywhere. It just may get a bit more tolerable, and what more is there to hope for.
I am so far trying to adjust little by little (and, predictably, with little success). I am not ready for drastic changes - my risk tolerance gets high only when there is clear and real payoff in sight. While here I do not even know what kind of payoff I want.
And it's not even about work. Kids, family, responsibility all around, it's just all gets too much. I am just more and more tired and at the same time guilty about things I could have, should have done for everybody. But could not and did not.
Life is great when we are young, the energy is boundless and if something is not done today - there is always tomorrow. And then eventually there is no energy, and more responsibility that fits into 3 lives. And this constant guilt when the energy runs out before all the things that need to be done are done.
I wonder how I'm going to look at it tomorrow.
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I am so far trying to adjust little by little (and, predictably, with little success). I am not ready for drastic changes - my risk tolerance gets high only when there is clear and real payoff in sight. While here I do not even know what kind of payoff I want.
And it's not even about work. Kids, family, responsibility all around, it's just all gets too much. I am just more and more tired and at the same time guilty about things I could have, should have done for everybody. But could not and did not.
Life is great when we are young, the energy is boundless and if something is not done today - there is always tomorrow. And then eventually there is no energy, and more responsibility that fits into 3 lives. And this constant guilt when the energy runs out before all the things that need to be done are done.
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Расти большой, умный и, главное, чтобы ничего не болело!
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